My 10 year old daughter has turned into a female version of Kevin the teenager,help !

[Londoner74]

So,95% of the time,my daughter is the sweetest,most wonderful little girl. She does exceptionally well at school,she has lots of friends,her dad and I split up 6 years ago,but they get on well and there are no issues.
Then puberty came into the picture,her boobs are growing,she is getting spots,she is obsessed with boybands,and yes,she has started to get the most horrid moodswings !

Take this morning for example.I told her that she would have to get ready for school before going on imessage to her classmates.She kicked off,and I said "Right,from now on,you will be in bed with the lights out at 9pm,the reason why you are tired is because you don't get enough sleep " (I tend find her in her room still awake after she's supposed to have gone to sleep ), and if you do not stick to this rule,you will not be allowed to use your ipod the next day at all.
I knew this would be the most harsh and effective punishment in her eyes, as she and her friends will constantly message eachother after school,although I regulate the amount of time that she can go on it.

Anyway,this made her lose her rag completely,she sat down in an armchair and started kicking a shelving unit which made the whole thing rattle,and she screamed as loud as she could.
We are renting a terraced house,and I have no doubt that the neighbours heard it all,it's a small wonder that they haven't complained about the noise levels ,I would had I been in their shoes !
Then she will stomp up the stairs ,scream and cry on the top of her lungs,and stomp so hard on her floor that I fear she'll fall through the ceiling into the livingroom any moment !
I find it absolutely exhausting !
Had we lived int he middle of nowhere,then I could have just let her go into her room and screamed her head off as loud as she liked,but now we live in a house where the neighbours on each side can hear us (you can even hear someone talking or walking up their stairs,so imagine what they can hear when she's having a full blown Kevin the teenager hissyfit )
I have had a word with one of the neighbours who I know well,and said to please let me know if the noise ,when she has a tantrum, is becoming too much of a nuisance.

Anu hissyfit will last up to 15-20 minutes,after which she will calm down and ask for a hug and say that she is sorry.
But like this morning it just gets too much. I was in tears after I'd dropped her off at school.Her father has had words with her,saying that she has to try and control her outburst,but I guess that is easier said than done...I remember what I was like her age,maybe this is karma,what comes around goes around !smile

I just want to try and find a way to help her manage her anger when she gets like this,I have encouraged her to write,listen to music,etc etc,I even send her to drama classes so that she can use that as an outlet for her emotions,but I feel like I am grabbing at straws here.
I want to curb this behaviour before she turns from a tween into a teen,by which time things will be even harder,I can imagine !
We are very close and get on like a house on fire otherwise,she can talk to me about anything,but when those hormones play up,that's when she blows up !

Any advice is appreciated

[apatchylass]

Sympathy. DS2 is a bit that way. Nothing I ever say or do is right. He is embarrassed to be speaking to me, even if there's no one else there to bear witness to what a stupid old fool I am.

May not be fashionable to say this, but I don't let him get away with much. As soon as he starts treating me as though I'm a shameful piece of dirt I call him on it. So...I think you did the right thing to say she needs to be in bed etc, but it's all in how we say it, I think. I find DS responds far better if it's open-ended as a question. Takes a bit of cunning, but when he's glued to Skype I find saying things like: 'tell Charlie you'll be back online in 10 mins, now what do you need to do for school tomorrow before you can go back and Skype?' works better than saying you must, you should etc.

I also try to catch him straight after tea before he's had a chance to get online, and check with him what homework etc needs to be done first. And there's a rule that he gives me his I-pod before bed, otherwise he skypes and surfs all night long under the covers.

And when he's not in a strop, we chat about why rules are in his best interest, so he understands I make them because I'm on his side (not wanting him to be tired for next day's lessons etc.)

[ClaimedByMe]

Welcome to the club! I just keep smiling and nodding and saying to myself 'this too will pass'

[Emma8910]

Hi Londoner74, I just wondered when my daughter stayed with you? you have described her perfectly!

[UptoapointLordCopper]

Re: controlling outbursts: we recently got the book "What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems with Anger (What-To-Do Guides for Kids)" for DS (9yo) recommended by an MNetter on one of these threads. It's not magical but we are working towards a bit more peace and harmony.