so today dd has eaten......

[sausagesandwich34]

1 slice of toast

2 fresh pineapple rings

1 slice of beef
half a jacket potato
spoonfull of carrots

is forcefeeding an option for 11 year olds?

[RibenaFiend]

Why?

Is she fussy? Picky? Paranoid? Body conscious? Poorly? Full from yesterday? Snacking on Christmas crap treats in her room!

[sausagesandwich34]

dieting due to bloody MIL

I did start a thread about it the other day but have lost it now

normal BMI, healthy weight, active child -came home talking calories and bikini bodies!

had a conversation about a body needing fuel to grow and be healthy and she assures me she isn't dieting but....

at a friend's around lunch time, was offered lunch but said no as it was a bit early for her to eat (it wasn't)
tea time she was apparently too full to eat anymore

she only got 1 selection box for christmas, no other sweets and it remains untouched.

we don't have any christmas junk in the house (thank you mum for hosting chrismas) and nothing else for snacks other than fruit which she hasn't had

[RibenaFiend]

What crap has mil poisoned your DD's head with?

She's 11 FFS.

[RibenaFiend]

Family comments can be incredibly damaging. Please trust me on this.

Your MIL needs a private conversation with you. Away from DC ears about how damaging and inappropriate her actions towards DD are being/have been/ can be. Also strict instructions to NEVER mention it, apologise etc again. (That's where a lot of additional damage, attention drawing, is done)

Re: DD. what's her favourite meal? What's her favourite activity? What's her favourite outfit? When was the last time her daddy gasped and told her how beautiful she looked in something? When did mum last tell her how important proteins are for healthy hair and nails?

Ignore her lack of food today. Is she grumpy? I was a nightmare and still am when not eating properly. Don't address it. It's just a passing comment- "oh I know. Sometimes I don't manage to eat properly for a meal as I'm manic with you kids and I'm just a horrible person!"

Address the MIL before she hurts your DD

[timetosmile]

if its a really recent thing (while I completely understand your concerns) maybe wait a week until she's back with her gang of friends and int the swing of things at school and see if it all blows over?

but do talk with MIL too

[TheRedQueen]

The thread is here SS34:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1647966-to-shove-my-MILs-diet-down-her-throat-my-11-yo-is-proud-of-how-little-she-has-eaten

[RibenaFiend]

Sausage. Have read link (Thanks Queen) FFS peak with MIL. This thread won't achieve anything new for you.

Oh. 800cal will not achieve her a bikini, or a holiday. "Stupidity" is not to be rewarded.

[sausagesandwich34]

thank you queen -don't know why I couldn't find it

just ranting as yesterday's food intake followed a similar vein

ribena to answer your points

her dad has never gasped and said she is beautiful because he is a cock and only sees her once a fortnight if he can be bothered

she loves netball so we have talked about sports & energy requirements, protein to repair muscles etc

her favourite meal is pasta and meatballs which she will get involved with making -I have suggested it for tomorrow but she's not interested

[ripsishere]

for your DD and you.
My 11.6 is currently concerned about her weight. I am hugely fat and she keeps pinching her tiny roll of waist fat and comparing it to mine.
We have spoken about her growing upwards and stretching it out, but it falls on deaf ears.
Luckily for us, her breasts have increased in the last couple of days so I can tell her (truthfully I assume) that it will all migrate northward.

[specialsubject]

bikini bodies??? argh. This is a trash-mag term and is for total fools. Please help your daughter to know that

a) the girls with the silly walks and sulky faces on the catwalks are usually very mentally and physically ill, and are not role models
b) most photos are photoshopped, no-one looks like that.
c) the whole thing is for sheep-like idiots
d) mistreating a healthy body (either by feeding it too much or too little) is a shameful abuse of good health, especially while she is still growing. She should be grateful for good health and should look after it.

adults who go on about 'bikini bodies' should be denied the vote.

let's hope it blows over.

sorry - health is so precious and what your MIL has done disgusts me.

[ripsishere]

Agree with special.
unfortunately this has reared its head again with my DD.
She went over to her friends yesterday for a party for friends brother. When i went to collect her, the mum of friend told me DD ate three egg sandwiches and a slice of cake. DDs friend merrily told me she'd had half a sandwich 'in case I put weight on'. The mother was in total agreement with this .
I told DD in the car on the way home that friends mum was an ignoramus. Carbs don't cause weight gain and since she was still growing she shouldn't be controlling her calories intake.

[madbengal]

I actually had to show DD height and weight on the bloody NHS chart thingie to get my MIL to back down, she was told DD was still growing and is in the middle of her healthy banding and she still does dig BUT luckily to me & OH not DD anymore as we told her bluntly she could cause a eating disorder in DD if she didnt stop

[specialsubject]

....which is quite true. Good on you, take no prisoners.

as for the idiot 'don't put weight on' mother.. it is a pity that there isn't a basic 'are you or are you not a stupid bimbo?' test before parenthood.

[ripsishere]

Unfortunately for the girl, her mum is very traditional and glamorous and women should be purely decorative. The girl is being groomed to make a good marriage.
She is not long turned 11

[Madmog]

Sorry to hear about your daughter. If she's at primary school, I'm sure they would be willing to keep any eye on what she eats at lunchtime (without her knowing) so you know what's happeing inside school as well. If she's at comprehensive school, it might be worth having a word with Head of Year or the pastoral support person. They may be able to give you further advice on how to deal with it as they come across all sorts of problems. If not, you could see her doctor (without her) and see what general guidance they can give for dealing with the the problem.

It just such a shame, she's in the normal range. Is mother-in-law slim herself? Does she stick to her diets? If she's a bit tubby or doesn't stick to them, then it's worth pointing out to your daughter that long term they don't work or can't be stuck to and she's better off eating 3 meals daily plus 2/3 healthy snacks longterm if she wants to look after herself. I know you can't keep on about it, but do try and re-assure her where you can, ie your hair looks nice today, I like that top you chose last month. I hope the problem solves itself soon. It can't be easy to watch her doing this.