Is it 'normal' / usual for an 11/12yr old girl to leave messages on boys phones about

(16 Posts)
Chocamochalatte Wed 12-Dec-12 20:44:27

Rape and calling or saying friend is calling them a peadophile??

DSs have a message on their shared phone whereby a girl in their year at school yr7, is leaving a message giggling and saying soandso is calling you a peadophile... I'm being raped, I'm being raped, help, followed by giggles and girls in the background...

I am tempted to approach the school to let them know as its happened on the way home, however don't want to look like I'm overreacting etc...

I am almost certain the girl that was doing the talking was a girl whom DS2 considered his girlfriend for a while but then decided he didn't really like her so he 'dumped' her, and for a while she was constantly calling him (inc late at night) so we blocked her number - DSs phone was just an 'emergency' phone and not for calling/texting etc...

Everything seems so different since starting high school, finding it hard to know what's 'normal' rather than what I do or do not 'approve' of.

Celticlassie Wed 12-Dec-12 20:48:27

They use the word 'paedophile' all the time. 'So and so's going out with a girl in the year below - he's a paedo!' I tell them off but there's no stopping them. They're experimenting with new - albeit disgusting - words.

VivaLeBeaver Wed 12-Dec-12 23:06:29

Mmm, in dd's 11yo world yes. blush

Paedo seems to be the current insult of choice. The dog sniffed her bum the other day and she started squealing that the dog was going to rape her, etc. dog was then told she was a paedo bitch. hmm

Chocamochalatte Thu 13-Dec-12 22:19:04

This is just the start then? I have to just get used to it?? sad

specialsubject Sun 16-Dec-12 21:43:32

this is why those who work with children have to go through elaborate hoops and learn to protect themselves, as well as the kids.

the response would be 'oh grow up' but of course they can't. Good luck dealing with this tedious phase.

Mynewmoniker Sun 16-Dec-12 22:11:10

Keep an eye on messages n texts. Police are seemingly having to investigate a lot of innappropriate requests from teenagers and younger kids to each other these days. See CEOP site re 'sexting'.

You might have to get used to it from other children, but you can make sure yours know that you don't appreciate that sort of language. Obviously I have no idea what kind of things my DSs say when they're in school, but they know damn well that using it at home will result in a bollocking from me followed by an incredibly tedious lecture on appropriate vocabulary to use at home/in public/in front of other adults. Hopefully it'll sink in enough that it doesn't automatically pop out at school too...

3b1g Sun 16-Dec-12 22:30:18

I think that children of this age can sometimes use words without appreciating the full implications behind those words. There is also an element of saying words they perceive to be more 'adult' for effect or because it makes them feel more sophisticated. In Y7, DS1 went through a phase of knee-jerk labelling: any time I tried to discipline him it was 'bullying', when I commented that he was looking pale I was 'racist' etc. Each time he tried this, I explained what those words actually meant, and he soon stopped.
I'm not sure what I would do if he had a voicemail like the one you're describing. How well do you know her parents?

sandyballs Sun 16-Dec-12 22:35:50

I have two 11 year old girls (year 7) and I would be horrified if I knew they left a message like that on a boys phone. Haven't heard them mention paedo or rape and I keep an eye on their texts.

I know it is very diff today but they need to know this sort of thing really isn't on, I would tell the

weblette Sun 16-Dec-12 22:36:26

Absolutely not. Dd at 12 knows exactly why that's not funny and not appropriate. Ds1 just turned 11 has a pretty good idea too.

weblette Sun 16-Dec-12 22:39:19

And actually reading your OP I'd be down on dd like a ton of bricks if she ever pulled something like that.
Having experienced rape it's not something I'm particularly inclined to laugh about or permit my children to be flippant about.

Chocamochalatte Mon 17-Dec-12 18:51:51

Thanks for you replies, luckily DSs hadn't listened to the messages because they have no idea how to on their ancient phone. If I hear them using what I deem as inappropriate language I indeed come down on them like a ton of bricks and so does DH.

One of the problems is I don't know the girls, I only have heard their names and seen texts. DTs go to a different high school than all their primary school friends so I'm yet to meet any (well apart from one so far!)

Do you think it's the kind of thing I should report to school?? It happened on the way home from school...

shockers Mon 17-Dec-12 19:04:02

I would make sure my two knew exactly how inappropriate that sort of talk was. DS 'jokingly' called me racist the other day when I commented on the colour of something. He won't mess about with that word again either hmm.

Mynewmoniker Mon 17-Dec-12 20:20:04

I wouldn't report to school but I would log in to the CEOP site to prepare yourself in keeping your kids safe on phones and computers. It wont hurt to look and is part of many kids' school safety training these days. BE PREPARED.

crazygracieuk Tue 18-Dec-12 17:44:16

I have a y7 boy and he's picked up paedo as an insult and uses words like anal and blow-job rather than rape.

crazygracieuk Tue 18-Dec-12 17:47:02

He talks about racism and homophobia too. I'm shocked at the racist terms he's heard this term and feel really disappointed that he's been exposed to it. There was homophobia in primary school but not so much the racism. sad

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