'The most emotional child in the class' - DD 'cries' all the time

[cescacheese]

T'was parents evening last night. Now feel like utter poo.
Teacher kicked off by saying that DD's presentation was 'rubbish' and then went on to say that she is 'the most emotional, needy child in the whole class...looks for approval all the time...cries more often than anyone else'

yikes.

she is Y1 BTW (I couldn't find a message board for younger children). what can I do to improve this & get her to toughen up a bit? she IS quite emotional / bit of a drama queen at times, but otherwise v confident & chatty (that was another criticism too...she talks far too much)

any advice gratefully received

[Blipbipbeep]

was this teacher in any way constructive? If this is how the teacher talks to you how is she/he talking to the kids? If I was your DD in those circs I would be exactly the same

[cescacheese]

thanks Blip
she did say some positive things, but the whole meeting was top & tailed by the negatives. my husband (a teacher himself) thinks she is quite mad, which makes me feel a little better
any tips for lessening the needyness / emotions? I don't want to encourage a stroppy crybaby...

[Blipbipbeep]

I really think that you need to raise this teachers report with someone else, perhaps the Head? I would be really upset if I thought that my DC were getting this type of 'support' in school. If your DD is happy and confident at home there is no reason for her not to be happy and confident at school, even if she is emotional.

I have always been extremely emotionally labile and I'm sure that many teachers could have described me as your DD's teacher has described her but to the best of my knowledge non of them ever did. As for how to stop being emotional, I wish I knew! sorry not much help

[JellyMould]

From the title I thought you were going to say she was 8 or 9! Lots of five year olds cry all the time! I would just try and be calm and consistent, and show you have confidence in her.

[cescacheese]

thanks everyone...feel a bit better now.

She def said 'rubbish' - DH was appalled. he thinks she is an 'old skool' teacher, as teachers now would never deliver feedback in that way.

I am concerned about the emotions thing though, so will try and be as consistent as we can at home, and give her some tips about how to manage herself at school when she feels herself getting upset (her friendship group has lots of silly fallouts..which don't seem silly when you're 6 do they?)

[Blipbipbeep]

no they feel like the end of the world when your 6.
Just to draw a little from personal experience - yes be consistent and build her confidence but try not to be irritated by tearfulness, in my experience its best just ignored unless there is obvious pain involved.

[Mollydoggerson]

That teacher sounds rubbish.

Erm isn't the whole western world school system founded on the premise that children will look for approval and therefore study/apply themselves and will respond to encouragement and signs of approval.

[Mollydoggerson]

By the waY I cry at the drop of a hat, I just ignore it now, I can't stop myself so I just continue on with what I am doing and hope others will too.

[Notmyidea]

I think I've known a few kids like your DD, what I think the teacher might have said a little more diplomatically is that it would be very beneficial if she could be supported to mature a little, take pride in her work and begin the process of learning to resolve her own problems and frustrations. She won't get it right the whole time, but some strategies to try before she goes crying to an adult would be good.
Regarding the presentation, give her any chances to practice her handwriting at home; cards for friends and family, letters to father Christmas, activity books etc. and give her lots of praise when she manages to improve the neatness. "try and do your best handwriting, let's practice on a bit of scrap paper first" etc. show her that it's something you think is important.

For the needyness don't drop everything if she cries, get her to tell you in a sensible voice you can understand what the problem is. Then talk about how she could handle it. (I think little Jonny might have wanted that ball, too! Could you try asking if he'll take turns? etc.) Let her have a go at problem solving herself before you step in to help her.

Hope that's useful!