I want to kill her, help me before I do something stupid.

[BollocksToKarma]

DD 11 nearly 12 is becoming a right little madam.

So far she has destroyed a phone and ipod touch - and now wants the lastest versions instead
Lost her dinner card for school twice
taking all her savings into school
spending dinner money thats supposed to be on the card in the poxy shop instead on sweets
Is getting detention for not doing homework and not writing it down in her diary despite me looking at it every night and making her do 30 mins on her project each night
constantly fighting/shouting at her brother (9)
I'm getting nothing but shrugged shoulders and attitude even when talking to her nicely
The only time she is even halfway decent is when she is asking to go to the shop, wants something or wants to know something or knows she is getting something she wants.
Fallen out with almost everyone we know because of her attitude and rudeness
I'm forever damage controlling.
Lying (this is the one that's getting to me most) about the most stupid things....ie. big bag of sweets in her bag that were in the fridge, she doesnt know how it got there. There's 3 of us in the house, it wasnt me or her brother I'm with him constantly due to his SN, but she's still adament it wasnt her.

I really dont like her much at the moment. Help me, please tell me this is all normal.

[PhyllisDoris]

Not normal for most kids, in my experience. They all try it on at times, but I'd be really cross with all that behaviour too. Are you punishing her? Has that worked?
My tactic is to take things away, one at a time, for bad behaviour - and they then have to be re-earned. I certainly wouldn't replace lost/damaged phones and iPods etc. Would maybe supply a really basic phone at a push.

[windsurf74]

Destroyed a phone and an ipod touch?

I certainly wouldn't be replacing them. I'd be gutted if my child had such a lack of respect towards her belongings :( Do you have a habit of giving in to her and buying her the latest things? Time to get tough!

[3littlefrogs]

No - not normal IMO.

Have you spoken to her teacher to find out what her behaviour is like at school?

You mention her brother has SN. Could this be extreme attention seeking?

You need to get to the bottom of this now, and you may need professional advice - for example educational psychologist.

Definitely do not replace damaged items, or give her any money.

Did she break the phone and ipod deliberately?

[MolotovBomb]

Yup, toughen up but at the same time, don't over-react in terms of how you tell her what's going to happen. For example, calmly
explain to her that as she has broken the phone and iPod Touch, then she will have to save some of her pocket money/allowance to put towards a new one.

Not doing homework? Okay, consequence is no money then, or no favourite TV programme, or no going to a favourite friends house.

Nip the lying thing in the bud by tackling it head on and demonstrating that you know she's telling porkies.

She needs to understand cause/effect/consequences, as it sounds like she has very little comprehension of this.

Girl needs to learn! Good luck x

[Bigwideworld]

Sounds like a living hell. Instead of taking her privileges away one by one (which only gives her attention when she is misbehaving), you could try taking all her privileges away now (pocket money, mobile phone, tv time, FB time, everything) and give them back for limited times only if she earns it. Positive reinforcement! Good luck and hang on in there!