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Preschool education

Is my dd settling at pre-school?

9 replies

pannetone · 21/02/2008 21:12

Because the pre school leader says that she isn't. She started in Jan and is doing 2 morning sessions a week. I have been settling her into each session (as parents are encouraged when they start). She has gradually got happier (or more resigned!) to me leaving and got on with an activity. To start with I came back towards the end of the 3 hour session to collect her as I knew she would get tired. Then I did a week of staying with her for the last half hour, then the next week picked her up at the end of the session. Then she was ill and missed a week. First session back last week I was told she had been miserable and asked to be picked up a lot, and they had nearly called me to get her.
Then the next session I was told there needed to be a settling in plan, and that I would need to stay with her for the whole session. I was quite taken aback as I feel that she's made progress at separating from me, and seems to understand that I go for a while then come back. I think she needs to learn to do without me for that time and build a relationship with the pre school teachers so she'll go to them for reassurance. I can't see how she's going to do that if I stay. I did that day and she clung to me throughout the session. I could 'hide' in another room and pop out when she needs me, but that way I don't think she'll learn to trust the teachers. Not sure what to do for the best, but nursery seem to think I should stay with her.
BTW she's just 3 and not my first, but didn't have problems with the others.

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PotPourri · 21/02/2008 21:17

I would say, if you don;t need to have her in there, wait till after the summer. She might be more ready for it then.

And regarding you being there all the time, I agree. That doesn't move things forward for her.

Seriously though, if she doesn't need to be there, why put her through it. She still has ages before school age...

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dontwanttogetoutofbed · 21/02/2008 21:19

it would be easier if she went every morning.

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pannetone · 21/02/2008 21:44

Pot pourri - hadn't really thought about leaving pre school for a while - but I'd prefer that than staying with her for weeks.
DWTGOOB - Don't think the pre school would have her 5 mornings - Shs's already a strain on their staffing apparently!

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PotPourri · 21/02/2008 21:55

The teachers don't sound very supportive TBH. And if they are telling you things like that (that she is alot of work, and not enjoying it etc) then they are probably passing that message on to her in their dealings with her - not the best way to relax her and inspire her confidence. I would take her home, keep her there and give her lots of hugs TBH.

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cory · 22/02/2008 20:18

Sounds an odd reaction of the preschool; the ones I have known have always been heavily into reassuring the parent that it's fine to leave the child and that they will help the child to settle. In fact, they did not encourage parents to stay as they thought this only made the situation more unsettled.

Dd's preschool had this absolutely lovely teacher with a big cuddly lap on which dd spent many start-of-the-days. This seems an odd preschool that can't cope with a tearful and unsettled child; I'd have thought most preschools got to see worse than that...

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pannetone · 22/02/2008 21:01

I agree with you cory that the norm seems to be encouraging the parent to leave - my older ones went to different pre schools (different area) - the one DS went to attitude was to say goodbye at the door and see you at the end of the session. Seemed a bit tough at the beginning, but worked for DS.
One of the staff is lovely with DD - gives her cuddles, but I don't know if this is against 'policy'. Have been told by leader to talk to DD and tell her that she musn't ask to be picked up all the time! Rather wish they would be there with the comfort first. Didn't say anything to DD - I've been trying to get her to rely on the teachers rather than needing me. She has apparently been asking for them to ring me (not an idea I've suggested to her obviously)so I feel they need to work on winning her trust.
I'm now wondering if Pot Pourri has hit the nail on the head when she suggests DD is picking up what must seem to DD as negativity towards her.
I do agree that she must be hard work when she's miserable and upset, but once (if?) settled I think she'll be a dream - she is a lovely little girl.
Still unsure what to do for the best, but am reluctant to hand over a half term's fees next week.

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princessosyth · 22/02/2008 21:05

I agree with cory, doesn't sound like they have very experienced staff. I would look for another one. They don't sound very patient either which is a little concerning!

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pepperrabbit · 22/02/2008 21:11

DS1 started at his pre-school in Sept - and only at this half term has he settled in properly.
Literally he didn't speak to them for the first term (3 sessions a week) and only joined in activities this last half a term.
I was worried of course, but the pre-school were brilliant - I stayed a little longer than the other parents at the beginning, and always heaped praise on him for being such a big boy at "school", and always take a packet of raisins or something as a treat when I collect him. He starts school in Sept this year and I really felt it was important that we got through this as consistently as poss cos otherwise school would be such a shock and just too much for him.
The only sessions I stayed full time he clung to me as you say, so that was no help at all. Some children adapt much slower than others - it sounds as if you cracked it before she was poorly - will they not let you try running thro that pattern again?
Tho if she is genuinely unhappy, then maybe a different pre-school?
Hope that helps.
(DS1 has also been at a nursery 2 full days a week since he was 10 months old and I went back to work - I was really surprised pre-school was so difficult)

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pannetone · 22/02/2008 22:20

I will obviously need to speak to the leader next week - I did suggest going back to picking up DD early, but I was told I would need to stay. TBH I am not happy to do this as I don't think it will help DD and may confuse her.
It's a largish pre school and some of the staff are very experienced - it's their lack of flexibility in finding ways to settle DD that is concerning me. And I do think they are going to have to help her over quite a bit of upset if she's going to settle there - she does seem a child who is slow to adapt to new situations.