I don't think I'm happy with dd's pre school.

[princessmel]

Very confused.

Dd is supposed to be starting pre school in feb. After half term.
We had a visit there yesterday and I left feeling a bit odd. I didn't love it.
Ds went when he was 3, but not for long and only for 2 mornings. He only did the sept-xmas term then started school nursery. I kept putting him off starting due to new baby etc...

Anyway, everyone round here goes and nobody has anything bad to say about it. Just me. Its all like 'oh mrs xxxx is just great, 'its so lovely' , 'its very homely', 'the kids adore it' . I didn't feel the same as them and I can't have a discussion about it as nobody will see it as anything other than great.

Its in church hall. It has 2 rooms. One for under 3's and the other for over 3's. They can stay till reception if the parents want them too.
Ok my moans :

1. The younger room is tiny and was FREEZING. Apparantly they couldn't put the side heaters on as they get too hot to touch and are dangerous. They had plug in things and they were only warm if you were right on top of them.
   
   
2. They are very set in their ways iykwim.
   
   
3. When it was story time, the teacher read the first book then when she started to read the 2nd one ,some of the 2yr old children were talking a bit. She said if they didn't stop talking she wouldn't read it. Someone spoke so she didn't read it. Now come on, thats harsh for 2yr olds!! She didn't even try to get thir attention to stop talking.
   
   
4. At snack the adults didn't sit with the children. Just stood behind them like guards.
   
   
5. The ladys didn't seem overly friendly with each other. At one point the teacher in charge said 'I need 2 ladies please' I can't help thinking why didn't she say 'oh julie and jane can you help me please?'
   
   
6. They did way too much sitting on chairs. For singing. Loads of it. The whole of the time after snack was singing. Yes they did action songs and they even had cute outfits to wear for certain songs. Like in the 'stripy shirt 'song they wore stripy dads shirts and got to pretend to be on a washing line etc.
   
   
7. They didn't go outside. That was a one off I think. I hope. I'd like them to be out everyday even if its only for a bit.
   
   
8. When ds was there all the art work looked the same. Like a machine had done it. They show them what they're doing and thats that. No freedom of expression.
   
   
9. Its 3 hours. Too long imo.
   
   BUT it's very local. All the kids go onto the primary ds is at and dd will go to. Its walking distance. It got a balloon mark from Ofstead. Everyone esle seems to love it.
   
   I am a nneb and have worked in nurserys, maybe I'm just being fussy. But something doesn't feel right. I preferred the other/older room but dd wont be in there till sept.
   
   I've asked for a visit at another one but its car ride away, allbeit a short one and I don't know anyone there.
   
   One I really like the sound of is in town so even further and afternoons and dd will be way to tired for that anyway
   
   Sorry its sooooo long. I just want to keep her with me really but she needs to practice before 5 morn nursery school in jan next year.

[princessmel]

I mean she'll start school nursery not next jan but the one after that. 2009

[PositivelyMellow]

Strangely enough I had the same situation when I moved here. All the children go to a "certain" nursery and I didn't like it too much, I too have worked in a nursery so questioned myself, like you.

In the end I did send DS to this Nursery and he really disliked it. It was spread across 2 rooms and large and cold. He was very unhappy so he ended up staying at home with me until he could get a placement at a smaller nursery, closer to home when he was just over 3 years old.

It was also 3 hours long which is quite a bit for them to be away.

Can you perhaps send her for only 1/2 hours to start with and see how she likes it?

[Bellie]

If you were happier with the 3 and older room can you not keep her at home until she is 3?

[EffiePerine]

Do you need to sned her to nursery atm? You sound ambivalnet about it. As far as I know, there's no reason why she wouldn't settle in at nursery at 5 if he hadn't been before - you could try other less formal groups instead?

[Niecie]

If you don't like it, don't send your child there, simple as that. I have done exactly that. DS2 should have gone to the one at our local church really, it is 3 minutes walk there and so very handy, but I just don't like the feel of the group and the lady running it seems very cold and not at all friendly. It isn't even the church that is the problem either as I run a mother and toddler group there and we sometimes go to church there so it is just the people running it who have nothing to do with the church.

I have sent DS2 to a playgroup with is a bit out in the sticks but which is absolutely lovely. I feel bad about the drive but we get to see the cows and the sheep every day which DS2 loves and it takes less than 10 minutes to get there so it is OK. They have an outside play area which the other one doesn't and, except for song, story and snack time, they can go out any time they like. They are firm but fair (didn't like the thought of none of the children not hearing a story just because one small child spoke) and they are very kind. I went at somebody's recommendation, not even knowing about it before and it just felt right.

Go with your gut instinct and it will be better for both of you.

[princessmel]

Yes I could do Bellie but the only problem with that is she would be in the same position as ds was. Only there from sept-xmas. By the time she gets settled she'll have to leave again.

Possitivly mellow its just so hard isn't it? This is the nearest one to us. And the whole world seems mad about it!! I don't suppose they'd critise the nursery their child goes to though would they? Hmm.

[princessmel]

effie I REALLY don't want her to go atall!!!. She does loads with me. ballet on monday, coffee morning on wednesday, swimming on thursday and toddler group on a friday. But they are all with me. And she is very clingy. I just thought this may help her. It may make her worse though

I didn't want ds to go either.

Niecie, I agree with you about the outside bit. At the school nursery, ds could go in and out whenever he liked. Apart from story snack time etc.

I'm going to look at a few more. Will dd seeing other places confuse her? I could just say its a toddler group .

[EffiePerine]

Then I'd got with your instincts. Putting in a place you're not happy with when she's feeling a bit vulnerable isn't going to help. And surely clingy at nearly 3 doesn;t equal clingy at 5? DS is younger though so you may need someone who knows what they're tlaking about there

[procrastinatingparent]

Don't send her if you're not completely happy. I sent my DD and then had to take her out again because she didn't like it either which was much more disruptive for her.

Can't she go straight to the school nursery? I think it is more disruptive to go to two different places than to adapt to a school nusery routine when you are a little bit older anyway. Perhaps the school nursery would stagger her entry so she wasn't doing 5 mornings all at once.

But don't send her somewhere you're not happy with. She's your child - it doesn't matter what other people think. And I bet if you didn't send her you would soon find others coming out of the woodwork who weren't happy either but were too scared to speak up.

[procrastinatingparent]

And if she's really clingy then maybe she's not ready to go. If you're happy with her at home and she is too, then stay as you are.

[Mummywannabe]

I have to say trust your gut instinct, if it don't feel right i wouldn't do it. Have to say that some of the things you describe are against all guidelines and i would question that if this is what they are like with you there.....

What do you mean by a balloon mark? as in outstanding provider? Only i've never heard of it and i'm a nursery nurse....not saying your wrong just curious and wanted to know what it meant

[PositivelyMellow]

It is difficult. tThe Nursery DS is at now he enjoys more as they all have their own "lady" as he calls her.

At the other, the children seemed happy enough, well cared for etc but I just had a feeling something was missing. DS confirmed this when I left him and he ran out after me.

Is she starting school next christmas, and the other Nursery starts in September?

I would go and visit the other Nursery, even if you do not know anyone who goes there, just to get a feel for it and see how your dd is.

Hope you can get something sorted as it is a worry. My other Ds didn't attend Nursery much at all [very shy] and he is doing fine now after a bit of a slow start at school.

[princessmel]

Gosh i'm nearly crying now. I'm so confused.

The school nursery starts when she's 3.5. I think thats young enough really. Everyone will think I'm odd and think I want her to be my baby forever especially as I'm still bf her (only last thing at night) and they already think I'm a little odd doing that. And they'd think 'are you saying its no good, well my child goes there and its fine 'etc

Oh dear. I don't want her to miss out. She said 'school' this morning and tried to put on her bag! But I know she'd cry when I left her. And I know thats normal but I don't see the point of putting her through all that.And paying for the privalage! She would like to go if I stayed!!!

I could ask the school if they'd do a staggared start. I'd be much happier her going in a year.

I could see how she goes and just see. Or maybe ring the teacher and go through some of my worries. But I get the impression she's a 'if you don't like it I have a waiting list ' sort of person. And I think she'd hold a grudge.

[princessmel]

Mellow, the school attached nursery starts in jan 2009 when she's 3.5 ish. We just got the pack to apply for it yesterday.

This pre school has a place for her to start in feb 08 when she's 2.6. A baby!!

Wannabe Its a sort of award thing. They had a ceremony. Good practice etc.

I know children are supposed to go out every day. And in an older ofstead report it commented on the similar art work. Maybe thats changed now. But the paper plates with the scrunched up tissue on it hanging round the room looked very similasr to each other.

[EffiePerine]

Well for a start it's no-one's business whether you decide to put her in nursery/bf etc. 2.8 IS tiny!

If you decide not to send her to the nursery, could you 'play' school with her at home so she gets used to the idea when she does go?

Another random though: if there are a few mums locally in a similar position could you do a mini nursery thing at each other's houses for a bit? Or would that be too much of a faff?

[PositivelyMellow]

Pm go with your gut feeling and do not worry about what anyone else thinks. I am sure some people are every eager for their DC to start Nursery at this e and some children love it but there are others who do not.

I would hold her off until you feel she is ready. From what you have said you are stimulating her lots at home and when she goes to Nursery she will be a happy confident little girl.

My DS started in September when he was 3.5, it is the school nursery, and its all learning through play. He can now fasten his little coat nd everything himself.

I was really worried about him with Nursery after the running out incident but think I done the correct thing in keeping him back and sending him to the smaller one.

Good luck and please don't cry.

[FrannyandZooey]

Oh keep her at home

much better if you can IMO anyway

3.5 is perfect time to start preschool

it does sound a bit pants tbh, doesn't it? Don't send her, why should you? I presume you would have to pay for the privilege as well? Just do lots of things you both enjoy, as you have been doing, and if people ask say "well we are so busy really, and I enjoy having her at home, so I think we will wait until XYZ"

[princessmel]

janitor I wrote what we do on my post of 12:45.15.
I know everyone's obsessed with them growing up!

I didn't want to send ds. He didn't want to go and I feel bad that I sent him. He was fine in the end but would have rather been at home. But I'd recently had dd and it gave us time together I suppose.

I just thought it would get her used to nursery school, rather than going from being at home with me all day to 5 mornings away from me. BUT she'd be 3.5 by then and SO ready.

If I wait till sept and then she is ready there prob wont be a space. And then she'll only be there a term.

[princessmel]

Thanks everyone. I feel like a bozo crying!

I just can't talk to my friends as they all love it there. (Apart from one boho mum who opted out of mrs xxx!!!)

And they are all super keen to pack the kids off for a morning or two.

I really would hate her to hate it. She is my baby and I love her. We have a lovely time together and actually if she goes we'll have to stop coffee morning which she loves. The other kids won't be going to mrs xxx on that day.

[procrastinatingparent]

I can't believe the pressure we're under to send these tiny little ones to nursery. It's getting earlier and earlier and I reckon by the time they've done a term of Reception you can't tell any difference between those who went early and those who didn't. Be odd! As I said I'm sure you'll find lots of mums who feel unhappy with this situation too. As for what you said about the nursery, I think those are real warning signs.

[lovelymoo]

Why don't you try her at the place you looked at you liked it enough to send your son there but to be honest it sounds like your trying to talk yourself out of sending her.
If you want to wait till sept and send her even if its for one morning for one term send her to the one where most children go to from the school you will send her too so she will still recognise people even if its at a different school.

[princessmel]

On top of those things we have lots of friends with children popping in for chats and cups of tea most days. One came today and I'm looking after my boho frineds dd this afternoon. Dd loves her .

And we go the farm lots. We have pass thingy.

I just don't want her to miss out on the nursery school experience. But thats silly as she'll get it a 3.5 when we're both happier with it.
Plus I'm hoping to get pregant next october ish so if she starts then I'll be able to sleep/rest while she's there

[princessmel]

Lovely moo, I sent ds there as I felt I should iykwim. I didn't love it. He was in the other room too which I prefer.
We can't go for only one moring. Its a minimum of 2.
She'll still get to see all the children she already knows anyway. She see's one at swimming, 2 at ballet and 2 at a coffee morning we go to on wednesdays.

I'm going to see. I'm slowly changing my mind to being odd!!