Bit worried about my son and the nursery attached to his school. Some advice please?

[izyboy]

My son is 3.5 and started a pre school nursery in Sept. The class has 26 pupils 1 teacher and assistant (hours 2.5)

Teacher expects him to get changed for P.E (with some help)but my son is not keen to comply with this and has had to sit out on some sessions because he has not wanted to change (he finds clothes changing difficult and, I think, boring).

I have been told that he says 'no' to requests from the teacher and cries when she insists on compliance. This is a new behaviour that he did not have before he attended pre-school.

He seems to want to only play with 1 child in the class whom he knew before. He told me he does not want to play with anyone else. Teacher told me his friend is an independent little girl and he cries when he cannot sit next to her during story time.

As far as I am concerned he went to pre-school a happy, sociable and flexible little boy and these behaviours seem unusual for him. He has been to other nurseries and was ok. He plays well with other children from social groups. Do you think I am worrying about very little?

[RubyShivers]

FWIW and my DS is not as old yours is that any change in behaviour is worth exploring

[niceglasses]

Hummm. The pe thing is odd I agree. All my 3 have been to a nursery attached to their eventual schl - they didn't really do pe or if they did, they did it in a very informal way and didn't get changed. I would have thought they would have allowed him to still join in.

So often with stuff like this you can only go on instinct. If he seems unhappy maybe not right for him. One thing I would say - it is still early days. He may still be settling. Have you had a word with teacher and voiced your fears a bit?

[NAB3]

Not the right nursery for your child imho.

[izyboy]

Trouble is, this is a fairly rural area and therefore choice is limited. If he is to build up a network of friends in the local area he needs to attend this preschool.

I have spoken to teacher, she feels she has no long term concerns, but he seems a bit 'knocked' by the changing thing and the size of the class. Also using the other child as a 'security blanket'.

[Magicmayhem]

26 children and 2 adults!, I thought the ratio was:-
Children aged 2-3 - one member of staff to four children
Children aged 3-5 - one member of staff to eight children
its sounds like the teachers don't have time to help him settle...

[Mercy]

You are right about staff/pupil ratios, magicmayhem - it's definitely 1:8 for this age group.

izyboy, my ds is the same age and started Nursery school 3 weeks ago. There are approximately 30 children in the class with 1 teacher and 2 Nursery Nurses (plus a couple of parents and a student on a few occasions).

All the children are helped to get their coats/jackets on when playing outside and the same when it's time to come home. iirc PE doesn't start until next term when they (I assume) are more settled. The children are not made sit out if they won't comply.

It's highly likely that your ds is still adjusting to his new surroundings but imo the teacher's approach is rather harsh for such young children.

[Magicmayhem]

I agree Mercy... I mean what happened to having a sticker for being a big boy and...

• managing to put his pe shoes on
  
• being quick
  
• helping someone else (girls always helped the boys in my sons class iirc
  
• doing good jumping/running/whatever
  
• anything really to encourage them....
  
  teachers usually have a few tricks up their sleeves to help the little ones settle.. sounds like these ones don't

[izyboy]

Thanks ladies, I am pretty sure they have only 1 assistant (am 35 weeks preg. so not totally with it!) Yes I am sure they are run off their feet at P.E time. I think the teacher felt that if she let one rebel re changing then they might all rebel.

Well, I am going to dress his top half in the P.E kit to go to school and I reckon he will be able to manage trousers and shoes on his own. (This will therefore be the compromise-doing things in stages)

It is actually the crying and saying no to requests that bothers me more (not really a rebellious child by nature).

I think that pre school nurseries (attached to school) tend to be more structured than private day care and therefore not being able to 'just play' (which is what he tells me he wants to do) is a frustration for him.

Being one of many must also be a bit upsetting, the rules are different and the staff are not familiar. I think he naturally gravitates to the child he knows the best for comfort and therefore is not so willing to mix with other less familiar kids.

I am going to try to invite some individual children to play at home to encourage other friendships and help him feel more secure.

I just didn't really factor in what a strain it must be for him to go into an unfamiliar structured environment and took for granted that although he has been flexible before he needs familiarity to be 'easy going'.

[nailpolish]

i would be furious at the child:teacher ratio
find a new nursery where they have more staff
when my dd was at preschool there was one teacher for every 8 pupils

make an official complaint and find a new nursery

[seeker]

Does he need to go? It sounds as if it's the wrong place for him at the moment. My feeling, for what it's worth, is that if he has to go, for your sanity, or work or something, then stick with it - if he doesn't then stop. Lots of children don't go to any sort of pre school and still do fine at school. There's a bit difference between 3,5 and nearly 5!

[izyboy]

Sorry magic didn't read your reply, in fairness to the teacher, he does get stickers and praise and she tries to cajole- but there is only so much time...I think he just point blank refused and therefore sitting out was her bottom line.

He has participated since but is obviously needing attention - he is a child that benefits most from a gradual approach (e.g toilet training was attempted at his pace and although later to learn than others was eventually quick with few problems.)

I would say that he is just not ready for the pressure to change his clothes under a time limit and this is leading to rebellion!

[izyboy]

I understand what you are saying ladies, thank you for your comments, possibly a common sense approach might be to look for a more laid back environment at the moment.

However this is a close knit community, all the kids in the area are going and I feel it would be potentially detrimental if he was not given the chance to build up friendships at the earliest opportunity.

Are you absolutely sure about the ratios? This is Wales and therefore might be different.

I am hoping this is just a challenging start for him and that with the right support from us he will pull through ok and not be too put off!

[izyboy]

Yep, just checked it out Nat Assembly of Wales guilines recommend 2:26. The school has had a good Estyn report so any staffing issues would have been picked up.

[NAB3]

He is still very young. I wouldn't obsess about making friends properly just yet.

[izyboy]

Yep it's hard to not see it through adult eyes ie importance of frienships etc.

It is also a bilingual school (he will need to continue his education at this school eventualy due to location).

Therefore it is also important for him to be exposed to the Welsh language at an early stage in order for decisions to be made regarding streaming.

Plus the cost of the uniform (lol!)

So these are added complications which make it difficult for me to just have him go elsewhere for a while.

[nailpolish]

i think you have to decide whats important
my dd didnt go to local nursery and all her other classmates did
she has made friends without any problems

[izyboy]

That's interesting Nailpolish, I think I'll give it until the end of Christmas term to see how he goes with the language, behaviour and such. This should be enough time to see whether he will settle.

[Screaminglips]

try and find out whats the ratio? as in my 3 yrs old dd's preschool is 1:5. i read somewhere that they dont actually start making friends till they are in the primary.