School Nursery - 3yr old SCREAMING before we even leave!

[JARM]

Advice please experienced ones!

Jessica was 3 in July, and has just started 5 afternoon sessions a week at the local school nursery.

The first 3 times she went, no problem, and now - all hell breaks loose! She refuses to get shoes on, screams and tantrums and says she wants to stay home.

I cant take her anymore because the tears and tantrums break my heart, im 31+ weeks pregnant so sure its hormones, so DH is left with the joy!

She was fine at her last pre-school, but then she was 1 of 8 children to 2 staff. This is 2 staff to 25 kids.

HELP! What can i do to help her?

[noonar]

hi. my dd2 was 3 in july and has just started pre school, too.

we are encouraged to stay with them as long as needed whilst settling. even if thats the whole session!

might that be an option for you?

[JARM]

We seem to be encouraged to leave them!

I stayed for 15 mins on thursday, but still left her crying, DH just left her today and walked out.

He is just about to go and pick her up, so we will see how she has done today... its jsut so hard when they are so upset and not wanting to be there, even though she seems to enjoy it once she is in the swing of things.

ARGHHHHHH why is parenting so hard sometimes!

[hunkermunker]

Is she getting tired?

I deferred DS1's place (he was 3 in April) till January, because I didn't think he'd manage five afternoons a week - could you leave it till then if she really won't settle or is that not possible? It's quite a bundle of small children with not many adults, was also my thinking.

Poor you - not easy!

[boomie]

Going through similar with DD2 (was 3 in July). She is fine getting dressed and going there, it is when I have to leave that upsets her. However, a breakthrough this morning - she was fine!! Her teacher gave her a star as she didn't cry. Have you tried "bribing" her. I said to DD that when I come and pick her up I will bring a little surprise - I either bought raisins, little tub of strawberries, a comic etc. This seemed to do the trick although I've got to "wean" her off the treats now!!

[Tups]

Been here aswell and it broke my heart to see our DD crying her eyes out and clinging to one of us (this was back in January).
I phoned the school 15 mins. after I'd left (with me practially in tears) and she was fine - it took nearly a week but she got there in the end.
Are they allowed to take a small toy or something, maybe you could give a toy and tell her it is special and ask her to look after it for you until you come back to pick her up later?
Just an idea - hard one this but the longer you leave it, it may be worse when she starts school but it is so so hard.
Maybe the Nursery could hve a little longer for settling in - have you discussed it with them?
If you keep her away too long you may loose your place.

[nailpolish]

id be concerned about the children to staff ratio

[lindenlass]

Why does she need to go? If she's hating it so much, why not keep her at home where she clearly would prefer to be?

[JARM]

you know what NP - i was concerned too, but apparently in a school nursery its perfectly legal and ok.

She is one of the youngest in the class, and with other kids around that are up to 2yrs older than her, im not 100% sure its the right place for her.

Am sorely tempted to try and defer her until January, but not sure if that will help or hinder, what with new baby due at the end of November.

Was really hoping to get her in and settled down ready for the upheaval of a baby in the house.

We have jsut had 2 weeks of "induction" where she only did 2 sessions a week, this week was supposed to be her first full week but i couldnt send her yesterday after being up at 4.45am and not napping. She had a really good nights sleep last night, and didnt get up until 7.45am today and was perfectly happy, alert and beaming until the dreaded words were mentioned.

Do I wait and see how she goes this week or just try and pull her out until january?! I really dont know what to do, I fought so hard to get her this place as well. Also, would a lot of it be down to the fact we only moved house 2.5weeks ago so she feels unsettled anyway?!

I really do think things over far too much!

[lindenlass]

Do you not think she'd adjust better to a new house and a new baby by being at home with her mother than with people she isn't close to and who don't love her?

[littlerach]

I would question the ratio too.

I'm pretty sure at that gae it is 1:8, partly fo rhtis very reason, that children need time with a member of staff.

[juuule]

I think our school nursery has 2 staff to 30 children. If they are doing something specific like baking, I think they bring in an extra pair of hands.
Fwiw, I agree with Lindenlass. I can't see the point of putting her through this if you don't have to. She is only just 3.

[cazzybabs]

What is she like when leave?

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go?

She is little and has had to cope with a new house, new nursery - it is lot. I would continue to send her and look to the nursery to support her, especially with the db on the way.

[mammato3]

new to mumsnet- my 4 year old daughter has started crying and asking to stay off nursery again- asking if the big children will b coming through- the nursery and school integrate to get the wee ones ready for school- which she'll b starting in august. she was like this at 3yrs and we just pulled her out- it was too distressing - for her and us- and seems to have gone back to that- tying herself and her hair in knots. she is absolutely fiine when she settles and when i pick her up she is happy-we are blessed with asuper nursery of only 7 children maz. and 2 teachers who are brilliant- what is going on??

[dippymother]

With the introduction of a new curriculum which will be compulsory from September 2008, the ratios of staff to children (over the age of 3) will be 1 adult to 13 children, which is in line with Early Years settings within schools. However in the Guidance to National Standards for Sessional Care (pre-schools), they suggest considering many factors like size and layout of the premises, location of toilets, ages and abilities of children, qualifications and experience of staff, also advising that the supervisor be supernumary, as he/she may not be working directly with the children and therefore cannot count towards ratios. Also if the adult leaves the room, they need to consider the ratios then, as there should not be any time, when the ratio is compromised, e.g. if an adult "pops" to the toilet or goes to the store cupboard. The Guidance is advising that ratios are not set in stone, (other than minimum requirements) but obviously factors such as cost will be considered by some settings.

[Nemoandthefishes]

Mamma I recently had this with my ds who is 4.4 and starting full time in sept. He was kicking screaming biting holding railings etc. Each day it was different reason he didnt want to go...it was too hot..too cold..he didnt like walking..he didnt like school etc etc. Had asked his teachers who said they didnt know why he was being like that as he was fairly settled after a few mins.We were going in the which was a nightmare with 2 younger children, I was taking him early/late/straight into class and socialising with others to try to work out the proble,.Then one day I saw him about 10 seconds after I dropped him off to a huge tantrum he was giggling and laughing so I thought right am not having the messing around.
So that night I spoke to him about how it was law that children go to school when theyare 4/5 and mummy and daddy would get into trouble. I then offered a couple of small rewards for if he did xx amount of days with no crying he could have xx item. Worked a treat and after about 2 treats I just didnt mention them. That was 2 weeks ago and we are now back to walking to and from nursery and no treats. He hasnt cried in that time and been really settled. I am a bit anxious about what will happen after easter hols but fingers crossed he will continue to be ok.

[milou2]

I'm wondering if this particular pre-school doesn't suit your daughter. Can you look at one or two other ones and let her have a look to see if she likes another one better?

Since she was happy at her last preschool you know that she can enjoy that sort of setting.

[posieflump]

milou - this was started in sept 2007