Anyone else's child like this?

[Amethyst8]

My DS is 4.6. He has attended nursery for around 10 months. I did send him late because he just didnt seem ready and we do a lot of crafts, reading, cooking etc at home. To me he seems very bright. However his pre school after about the first three weeks always seemed to have a problem with him whenever I picked him up. The main one seeming to be that he had no interest in sitting with the group for stories or group play etc. Not for one minute have I ever had any concerns about him or his development. He knows his alphabet both to read and the sounds of the letters, can count to one hundred and beyond, nearly tells the time, knows days of the week, months and seasons can add up simple sums, knows all of the continents on a world map and a lot of the countries too, knows all his shapes and has done since he was two, not just squares and circles but diamonds, triangular prisms and spheres also, knows all of his colours including the not so common ones like lilac or beige and can speak a small amount of Spanish. The reason I am listing all this is that I received his report at the end of last term and it was like reading about a different boy. I wont go into detail because it would make this post too long but eg as far as they were concerned he did not know his alphabet, could count to ten - with prompting!! and did not know his shapes and thats about it......

I was staggered, it was like reading about a different boy. I have since found out that they did not allow him to participate in sports day and when I picked him when they were practising for an assembly he was sat alone at the side of the hall not allowed to join in. Towards the end of term they told me that he was becoming aggressive and throwing cushions at other kids at this point I was really irritated and showed it because my son is the least aggressive little boy I have ever known and I said so. They agreed with me and said they were surprised he had done it too. They say he is not disruptive to others at all but just wants to do his own thing.

In short the child they were telling me about was unrecognisable to me. After a few meetings I just found that all I was saying in these meetings was "Well he's not like that at home!" as though I was in complete denial.

Anyone else had this? I don t want my son to be labelled especially when they just don t seem to get him at all. My husband told them he had never seen such a woeful attempt at relating to a child by those who call themselves professionals. Don t want to be in dinial but I just can t see the things they seem to.

[Amethyst8]

Sorry meant denial not dinial...

[yelnats]

Sorry not really sure whats happening here but your little boy sounds very intelligent to me anyway!!

[Chickhick]

If it is possible I would ask if you could sit in at a few of the sessions and witness for yourself what is happening. If not, I think I would change pre school, it doesn't sound like the right environment for your son.

I do have to say as much as I am happy with ds's nursery, he loves it has made lots of friends and they are very caring towards him, I actually find that he learns loads more at home and from an academic point perspective I feel that he has taken a step backwards since he has been there.

[juuule]

Agree with chickchick.

[JiminyCricket]

They don't sound like they have communicated very well with you, if they are excluding him from activities without telling you.

[Amethyst8]

Ok, sorry maybe I wasnt very clear. Basically they are saying he has behavioural issues in that he won 't sit down for group discussions, won t sit down for story time or sit at the table for snack time. He just wants to do his own thing when he is there. They seem VERY concerned by this. One of his teachers mentioned autism spectrum disorder but they would see how it went. Since this was said we visited our GP - who said within two minutes of meeting him that he could see nothing to make them say that and I of course have done an immense amount of reading on the subject since and can t see it either. I discussed it with my MIL who had had five kids and she was completely astounded that they would even mention that. I was wondering if anyone elses child is like this at the same age. My other concerns were that they don t seem to be aware of what he is capable of. As I said previously reading his school report was like reading a report about a different child. As we did not receive the report until after term had ended I was not able to discuss the matter with them. I am concerned that they have decided that he has problems and are just not even trying to see the real child. Hence the woefully inaccurate school report. Just wondering if anyone had been through anything similar? Also DS is my first child and I have never done the school thing before so not very well informed. Find my self acting with teachers as though it was me that was 4 years old .

Ax

[Bouquetsofdynomite]

Does he not start start somewhere else this term or are you outside England? Assuming he is moving on anyway, I would wait and see what the new teacher makes of him.

[flightattendant]

Mine is only just four and was similar at preschool. He wouldn't 'join in' and was a bit disruptive - overactive really.

I put it down to him having been through a lot at home with a new brother arriving...but also wondered if there was something different about him.

I don't know, he left preschool in June and goes to school in a week. Am dreading it...and he's not like yours in that he is the same at home, but I do sympathise!

[southeastastra]

yes mine was the same. the sitting on the carpet thing used to make me laugh. he was four!

anyway the school put him on an iep where he is given individual attention in areas he's lacking. it's a slog

remember they have rushes of testosterone(sp!) at this age too.

schools really should be more lenient ime.

[lljkk]

ASD doesn't seem out of the realms of possibility to me (tho am not an expert). You could ask on the SN or SEN boards on this website for opinions of experienced parents. I think often ASD isn't diagnosed until this kind of age, because it's not obvious like other SEN. Very bright lad, but doesn't see the point of sitting down with the group, that's exactly what could be expected of an ASD child. And otherwise acting up because he's feeling bored and excluded!!

Agree with all that the best thing to do is for you to sit in on some sessions. Also, I wouldn't expect a GP to know diddley about identifying ASD, though health visitor could get you refered to a specialist who should know what to look for.

[lljkk]

Oh, and many children deliberately give wrong answers to questions (like reding numbers) just because they're bored. That could explain a lot, too.

[knat]

my dd started preschool last year and will be 4 in October. She is under SENCO and being observed because she too wouldnt st down at snack time, didnt want to wash hand and go toilet etc etc. She would have really bad metldowns at this point and scream and cry and kick and hit. However she too is very intelligent, can read like an 10 yr old knows a lot of numbers and shapes (although not as many as yours). Her behaviour is greatly improving but and we'll see what happens when she goes back on Tuesday (dreading it!!!! - you wonder whats going to be said when you go and pick her up!) although her school is very good with her i have to say. She also will give wrong answers to things or say she doesn't know when she does (although this is happening less) i think sometimes when they're bright they see this as a game. Know its not much help (and i have wondered about possible aspergers) but at least you're not alone!

[NAB3]

Sounds to me he was bored at nursery and that is why he didn't want to join in. Where the hell did the get the idea he is autistic from?

[tortoiseSHELL]

It definitely sounds like something is up - whether that is your ds being bored, having some sort of special need, or the pre-school being rubbish, whichever, it needs looking into. Are you in England? If so, won't he be starting reception this week? I'm guessing not!

Dd is 4.0, and I think she is bright - she is reading/writing fairly well, and has always been way ahead of where I would expect her to be, and she DID get bored towards the end of her time at playgroup - it is a lovely lovely playgroup, but she just needed the extra stimulation of school. She is starting a week tomorrow, and can't wait. At playgroup she sometimes wouldn't join in (for example if they were doing dance, she might 'choose' to sit and watch). They are very hot on giving 'options', so they can either sit on the carpet and listen, or sit beside the teacher and listen. In songs they can either choose to sing or choose to listen. And the emphasis is very much on the child choosing between options given by the teacher. So if dd didn't want to join in with dancing, her other option was to sit and watch, which often made her think 'actually i'd rather join in'.

I do think boredom is a difficult thing to combat, but it might be worth getting someone independent of the playgroup to observe your child, just in case there is something (only because the playgroup have mentioned concerns). He does sound really bright.

[Amethyst8]

Am in England. Have not got a Reception place to start this week. Can t even start talking about that! In short we did not get any of the schools of our choice and the ones left over were just unacceptable so we are waiting for a place at a school of our choice. Live in a city and the choices left over were inner city schools with terrible Ofsted reports. To be honest though I am not looking forward to when he does start as I used to dread picking him from nursery and hearing what had happened today. Used to get DH to do it on his days off where possible . Will post on Special Needs board and see if I get any ideas from there. Thanks for responses. Glad to hear I am not alone.

Ax

[twocutedarlings]

Have you considered that he may be a gifted (i use the term loosly)child, as the chartaristics for a G&T child are extremeley similar to that of ASD, especially with social issues. Take a look at the NAGS website.

this is also very intersting, it highlighs the differances between a gifted child and a child with Aspergers

www.gt-cybersource.org/Record.aspx?NavID=2_0&rid=11381
sorry dont know how to do a link so you will need to copy and paste.

You need to keep an open mind as he is still very young, but personally would get him an appiontment at a child development clinic. because if he dose have ASD early intervention can really help, as with the right support these kids can really fly.

[wheresthehamster]

Obviously the school can only assess on what they see. If your son is uncooperative then they can't assume he knows the answers.

What does your son say? Have you asked him why he doesn't like getting involved and why the staff think he doesn't know his alphabet etc?