Am I cruel sending my dd to more than one preschool?

[notsosure]

I would like to know what other people think about this situation I have created for myself.
DD who is September-born will not be going to state primary school until September 2008. She is an only child.

She attended nursery from 10 months for 2 x 2 hour sessions (very gradually introduced) at a local private school nursery purely because it was recommended and also because our local school did not offer child care until the age of 2 years.

Going to this nursery gave me a break (as none of my family were around & my in-laws who are local were not willing to help). I also think it was good for her to mix with children of her own age.

We run a small business from home so it was good to get on top of things, but it made me realise how much better the whole experience was then the local school (more motivated parents, healthier snacks etc)

When it came to thinking about pre-schools I did not like the local state school's attitude at all and found a much better smaller, friendlier school which is a 2 mile drive away as opposed to a walk down the road.

So in September 2007 she started 2 pre-schools 2 days each a week.

She seemed to be happier with the new state school pre-school and tended to cry sometimes at her usual private pre-school she'd attended.

We decided about 6 months ago we could not afford for her to go to the private school when she reached school age (we may start a savings plan for her to go there for secondary school though). So primary was going to be at the state school 2 miles away.

Then I met a new friend who said there was a "dirt cheap" primary private school which I have been taking dd to for 1 morning a week (to see how she got on with writing copying and other learning) She seemd to love this learning and took great interest in the reading book she was given to take home with her. The private school intake is from 3 and half and there are only 20 pupils in the entire school which makes it friendly, but a bit limiting in terms of extra-curricular activities.

As dd only goes to the above private school 1 morning (and the occasional whole day) she is sometimes very clingy when I take her there which worries me that she is not happy there.. She always seems to have enjoyed it at the end of the day though! (same old story ??.)

I often find myself thinking about various combinations of how I can improve on the situation ie 2 days here, 1 day there etc.

The main thing that worries me that if she were to start now full-time at the cheap private school is that I could be messing her up in terms of year groups (she would be in fact a year ahead if she were then going to go to State School and I worry about her being bored in State school because of this).

DD's friend is 2 months older than her (July birthday) and is now there full-time. * However, I still cannot get out of the mindset that until recently she was still more than a year away from starting school *.

I wish I'd never known about this cheap private school, as it is by no means perfect. The whole school has about 20 pupils and because of its size there are mixed classes and the curriculum is quite basic compared to the experiences of a bigger school. However there are advantages such as small class sizes, individual attention.

Sorry about the long-winded description, but the main thing I'd like to ask is:

Should I be sending her to so many pre-schools?

In an ideal world, I would like to send her to her favourite pre-school (the state one 2 miles up the road), but the long-standing private pre-school offers holiday cover & extra hours should I need it (I now run a small business of my own, which is for about 6 hours a week, as well as the business we run from home).
The combination of the above 2 pre-schools is what worked reasonably well before the 3rd school came into the equation.

Should I forget the 3rd school and just resort to it should her state primary school turn into a disaster (if I decide to go along this route, which seems mre likely)?

Please let me know as I'm getting more confused by the day and I truly want dd to be as happy and stimulated as possible ( I want to help her reach her full potential without giving her stress, which I seem to be experiencing myself at this moment).

Thank you so much guys

Notsosure xxxxxxx

[cba]

oh gosh, I am confused reading this.

I would go with what is the best for your daugher and which will suit her best. Would this be the state school two miles up the road. I do think too many pre-schools is a bad idea and will just lead to confusion.

Think you should decide which is going to be the best for her and put her in that one and leave it at that.

[CaptainUnderpants]

Make your choice and send her to ONE pre school.

If you send her here and there she will get confused as no doubt each setting wil have their own routines and rules. Secondly she will be confused as to whom she should form an attchemnet to in your absence.

I would seriously think about this one and the effect it woul have on your DD.

[lisad123]

I would think she may be getting very confused about which school on which days. I would be tempted tp place her in the one she seems happiest which (the state school if i have read right). She only young and most learning at her age is though play and social interaction. If you need a few extra hours, then maybe look at child minder to do maybe a few hours so she still gets 1-1, unless you do feel able to manage until school starts.
Private does not always mean best, trust me i have worked there.

Good luck

[notsosure]

Yes -
I think you are right.
It's just that the pre-school she likes does a lot of "learning by play" which I dont know if it stimulates her enough.

[AttilaTheMum]

Both my two went to two pre-schools (back in the days when they were still called playgroups) and had no problems at all, despite the playgroup leaders advising agaainst it. It meant that they knew more of the choldren in their class when they went to school.

[CaptainUnderpants]

If she like learning through play then she is fine , That is what they should be doing at her age. I think that you are expecting too much of her.

[lisad123]

Learning by play is the best thing at her age. She'll have plenty of sitting at table, reading books when she goes to school.

[lisad123]

If your worried about her not being stimulated enough, find out how long she spends at activities, this is a good indication of how well the activities hold her attention for and if it is enough for her. You can always do the more focused learning at home with her.

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[CaptainUnderpants]

You will be surprised hoe much 'stimulation' children get by learning through play.

Play also gives them the opportunity to learn about social interactions, how to deal with conflict, gives them some control over what they are doing which in turn raises their self esteem .

Are you only guessing at the monent that it doesn't simulate her enough ? If so speak with her preschool key worker .

[brimfull]

I would ditch the 20pupil school,she's not as settled there and 20 kids in a school.SOunds to limiting,so she gets the choice of how many friends-2?

I would send her to state one and one other if you're really bothered.Two is enough.

Honestly don't think you need to be worrying about this so much,just make sure she's happy and having fun and forget the learning to read bit till she's at big school.

[Tamum]

Agree that 20 isn't enough- not easy enough to escape from children you don't get on with, and not enough scope to find like-minded souls. Most nurseries I know of really discourage children from attending more than one at a time- it does sound as though it's all a bit much for her tbh.

[Ladymuck]

Personally I would run a mile from any school which only has 20 pupils (unless you are in a very rural location). Its funding and its future is almost certainly difficult, and what will be unsettling for your dd is to have to change schools midterm after 2 years because the school has gone bust. It is inevitable that compromises will be made, and these will not all be in your dd's interest.

I belive that most state schools are able to cope with children who arrive already able to read and write.

[notsosure]

Dear All Mumsnetters

Thank you so much for your messages.
I found it very useful getting all the information and my worries down in one place and a lot of things you have all come up with I have thought of myself which is rassuring.

So far, I'm thinking of dropping the smaller Private school and for her to just go to the 2 pre-schools as she seems happy with that balance.

She needs to go to the pre-school where I'll be eventually sending her to school anyway to get a place there and it is lucky that that is her favourite option. (Phew! I got something right!!) [ The other pre-school at the private school has been familiar to her since being a baby and offers school holiday cover (I do not want to send her to a new holiday club option - a Child Minder for some school holiday cover may be something to look into, but again that's something new for dd).

I feel relieved already that I am starting to have made a decision.

I agree that it is not very good having so few pupils (20) in the smaller private school, as I have though about personality clashes and less choice of friends. I think it is probably not a good choice for an only child as well because of the extra curricular limitations of the smaller school ie no school camp, less involvement with community etc.

I suppose the main problem I have is the rigid cut-of date of our schools in that here the cut-off date for starting school is that children have to be 4 by August 31. This means my daughter misses going to school this year by a few days.
I'd like her to have the option to go to school at 4 and a half if she were ready. (I know it is also difficult for children who are born in August for example.)

I have thought about doing more reading and writing practice with dd at home, as she loves learning and will carry on with boundless enthusiasm when I spend time doing this with her. This is why I felt she needed more stimulation than she was already getting, if she were to be another year away from starting school.

I am going to discuss my concerns at Surestart today with a teacher there. I'll give feedback here.

Please carry on letting me know what you think.

Thanks

Notsosure