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Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

Preschool education

at my wit's end with ds1

50 replies

oops · 01/05/2007 17:55

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Kif · 01/05/2007 17:59

why lie? I thought that headteachers had discretion with 'borderline' birthdays - and at this stage of his schooling, he wouldn't feel that he was being 'kept back'.

That's what I'd do. I think English schooling starts far too young - many other countries don't start until 6/7

oops · 01/05/2007 18:03

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Miaou · 01/05/2007 18:04

I'm sorry but however good the pre-school teacher is, "too busy to help him" is unacceptable IMO. Presumably she has assistants to help out? They need to work on helping him to integrate into the group.

So sorry for you and ds oops - sounds like he is not coping well.

Is he in every day? Is he three atm?

edam · 01/05/2007 18:07

pre-school sounds awful, it's the teachers responsibility to help ds through this. I'd take him out of there and find other things to do before he starts reception. Pre-school admissions aren't linked to primary admissions so shoudln't be a problem.

oops · 01/05/2007 18:09

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Kif · 01/05/2007 18:10

OK, he misses a place at your fave school for reception - just keep him at home another year and wait for a place to come up with inevitable drop outs/people moving away.

I think so long as you keep a social life going, school isn't sucha big deal.

(mother of a 3 year old - so a bit early to br world authority! )

I know you were joking about lying - but I meant 'what's the shame'?'

oops · 01/05/2007 18:15

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edam · 01/05/2007 18:21

Bless him! It's just that I know ds's nursery school (attached to the primary) are very quick at picking up any social/emotional/educational needs and not only telling parents but saying 'here's what we are going to do about it, what do you think?'. Which seems like a good attitude to me.

oops · 01/05/2007 18:32

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oops · 01/05/2007 19:11

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oops · 01/05/2007 21:25

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/05/2007 21:52

oops, you may get upset tomorrow - but, there is no shame in that. Really.

Sorry you are struggling with DS. DD has proved similar too in some respects. She'll move away if a child wanders near her at pre-school - she plays on her own and all the other children dont. She stands out a mile.

oops · 01/05/2007 21:56

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/05/2007 22:02

Is he happy though?

TenaLady · 01/05/2007 22:09

You can deferr his entry to school without any problems.

Sounds as if academically he is forward but socially and emotionally he isnt there (why should he be)?

I personally would hold him back a year and socialise him in the usual way to build his confidence.

imaginaryfriend · 01/05/2007 22:11

oops, so is he 3.5 now? I couldn't quite work it out from the birth date you gave.

oops · 01/05/2007 22:12

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oops · 01/05/2007 22:14

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imaginaryfriend · 01/05/2007 22:19

oops, so he'll be going into Reception in September? Same year as dd except she's totally at the other end, born last October.

It's so hard, I really feel for you. As you've seen I'm going through similar with dd and that's after a year p/t at the school and a term full time... You can't say she's not familiar with the place anymore can you?!

Waswondering · 01/05/2007 22:26

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/05/2007 22:53

Oops, he is going to be nearly a year younger than some of the others in his pre-school class.

That is a huge gap at that age, tbh.

So, its difficult to compare him with other children in his class at this point, I feel.

I think, it may help for him to be observed for a few weeks by someone at the pre-school - or someone they can call in to help.

spags · 02/05/2007 01:31

I don't know if this helps but here goes. My DS showed very similar traits to yours.
Very happy and outgoing at home and extremely introverted as soon as we stepped one foot outside the front door. It got so bad I had to ask the health visitor for her opinion as to whether we had real problems.
We started pre school but it was so bad we withdrew him as he didn't mix and had night terrors. I think he went about 4 times. We then tried him again the next year.
He didn't like it so much but he was better.
We are in the fortunate position that he has a December birthday so we had more time to play with.
We kept up with a few playdates but again he didn't really socialise well it was more for my sanity and for DS2.
The good news is that with patience and understanding things have changed. He started school this Sept and is learning to socialise more and is doing really well.
Your little man will be young for his year and may benefit by staying at home for a year. Our school has a policy that the little ones stay in reception for an extra year perhaps your school might have this policy. Talk to the school about it - our school is great if the little ones are tired or struggling then they will make allowances and not insist that the child attends full time. It's not a legal requirement until they are 5 but this may mean he will miss the reception year depending on the schools policy. Take a deep breath he will get through it - I always think that as long as he gets the understanding and comfort at home things will be OK. The one thing I have learnt is not to push these things will come in their own time.
Hope this helps. It may not!
PS you can't lie about thier age as they want copies of birth certificates in our area!

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oops · 02/05/2007 08:12

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oops · 02/05/2007 10:03

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imaginaryfriend · 02/05/2007 21:59

Wow, that sounds like a very supportive school oops, I'm not sure dd's has those kinds of support systems in place.

Maybe we should meet up and our kids can be anti-social together?

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