any advice on dealing with a 'grumpy' teacher?

[imaginaryfriend]

Dd's in the nursery of a primary school, hopefully starting in Reception next year there. It's a busy inner city London school with a very good reputation.

There are 2 nursery teachers, 2 nursery nurses and a few other support staff here and there, and 57 children - 25 part time, 27 full time. So it's always very bustling.

The two nursery teachers are lovely and one of the nursery nurses is a bit stressed but generally ok. The other nursery nurse is a bit of a dragon to be honest. I can't think of a single time I've seen her crack a smile, she's a very big woman (about 6,2" and heavy set) and is quite intimidating to the kids. I'm not alone in thinking this, I've heard lots of mums mention how miserable she seems.

What troubles me is that she seems to play odd kinds of 'power games' with the parents / children. For instance at pick up time the other day I was the first mum through the door and she refused to look at me and call out dd's name to stand up. So I waved my hand at her and she said 'I already said dd's name 3 times' which was a blatant lie as I wouldn't have missed it and dd was watching her intently waiting for her name to be called. A couple of people behind me looked at me and said 'huh?' when she said that. She also singles out a little boy who has literally just turned 3 and automatically stands up when his mum comes in rather than waiting to have his name said. She 'punishes' him by making his mum wait by the door and he sit back down until everyone else has gone.

All this seems kind of small and petty but I was so shocked at her doing this so blatantly to me that it made me concerned about what she's like when parents aren't around.

Do I do anything or just accept that there will always be some tougher teachers kids have to contend with?

TIA!

[threelittlepumpkins]

I would not be comfortable with her behaviour, and as other parents at your nursery have commented it seems they agree with you. Does the teacher ever see her do this?

If it was me I would probably have a word with the teacher, in an innocent way, if you can. I imagine it would be a difficult thing to do. Good luck!

[imaginaryfriend]

I have thought of having a word with one of the teachers but you never know if things get back or not to the problematic one. Plus one of the other mums said to me that since she complained the grumpy teacher has been even meaner to her ds.

Could I speak to the headmaster in order to keep it more anonymous?

[Glassofslime]

I don't think there's anything wrong it talking to the headteacher - if he/she says you should be talking to the teacher explain why you're wary of it. If parents don't say anything she'll just carry on.

[saadia]

gosh that is a horrible situation. Has your dd ever said anything about her? Getting info about nursery from ds was like getting blood out of a stone, but I've noticed girls are a bit more forthcoming with information. If your dd seems happy then that is obviously a good sign, but this woman does sound decidedly odd and as you say, complaining might make things worse.

[worcestercaroline]

Head teacher would tell nursery nurse who complained to them, trust me I am a teacher on mat leave at the min. I would speak to teacher and express yr concern. May be nursery nurse on power struggle as she not in command of nursery.

[worcestercaroline]

could u offer to help in nursery for a few hrs a week, in our school parents were not allowed in same class as their child but some schools allow it. Has yr child ever made any comments about woman been nasty to her or ever seemed un happy to go near woman

[MadamePlatypus]

Shocked at the little boy who has just turned 3! She doesn't sound like a good pre-school teacher at all. In fact that sounds deliberately cruel and I would definitely report it. It sounds as though she thinks she is teaching school kids, not pre-schoolers (Is there a possibility that she has been 'relegated' to the pre-school department because they wanted to side-line her from the school? She sounds as though she doesn't like children full stop!)

[imaginaryfriend]

MadamePlatypus, that's really interesting, yes she has been relegated from Y1 or Y2 I think down to the nursery. The same little boy is always excluded from carpet time, according to dd, because he 'sings the wrong words'!

[imaginaryfriend]

worcestercaroline, you're not allowed to volunteer in the class your child is in.

I've asked dd about the teacher and she just says she's 'nasty' and 'tells her off about really small things that aren't that bad' but that's about all I can get out of her except she does tell me about how this teacher picks on that one little boy.

Actually I was just thinking that even if she was relegated from Y1 or whatever that still wouldn't explain her doing something like she did with me and dd at pick up time.

I guess I'll chat to some other mums and glean more info then maybe approach the head.

[worcestercaroline]

U cant send a 3 yr old off carpet for singing wrong words otherwise there would be no kids left on carpet for most of session!! Surely the teachers must see whats going on, speak to them. Can I ask why people say relegated to nursery!!!?? when nursery is the stage where children decide if they like school or not so is surely most important stage.

[imaginaryfriend]

I wondered about the word 'relegated' too but used it because I thought maybe it was the correct phrase. The whole school experience is totally new to me.

Bear in mind the 'singing the wrong words' was according to dd so may have some poetic licence. But I do know his mother has spoken to the teachers a number of times about how this teacher treats her ds. She has two older childen in the school too so I think she knows what's expected and not expected at this age.

[imaginaryfriend]

MadamePlatypus, she does seem as though she doesn't like children at all. Nor their mothers for that matter.

[worcestercaroline]

I just wandered as I started off in reception, moved to yr 1, then back t rec then got asked to do nursery, which I enjoyed more than any of the other years but all the parents asked the other teachers if I had been demoted!!! I personally thought it was best move ever. person with mean character or having power struggle should not be let loose in classroom

[imaginaryfriend]

There's definitely a power thing going on.

Just chatted to dp and I think I'll watch things closely the first week back after half term, then take it from there.

Thanks everyone though for the replies.

[MadamePlatypus]

Sorry to cause offence - I used 'relegated' in inverted commas because i don't see nursery as relegation at all! I get the impression that teaching very young children is a relatively new thing for some primary schools and I am just guessing that a head teacher might be likely to 'hide' bad staff in the pre-school department and 'protect' the 'proper' school. E.g. Mrs X is upsetting all the children when they read to her, we can't sack her...

[MadamePlatypus]

Just to underline what I mean worcestercaroline (and hopefully not digging more of a hole), the thing that has shocked me about this thread is how unsuited this woman is to teaching nursery children. I think teaching pre-schoolers requires skills that she seems not to have and it is strange to me that a headteacher wouldn't notice this.

[imaginaryfriend]

Oh bollocks, just said the teachers name, gonna have to ask for that thread to be deleted.

[HumphreyComfrey]

IME of the school system, there have been several teaching assistants and nursery nurses who seem to abuse the authority they have.

(I've also encountered some very professional and kind ones too, before anyone gets offended! )

In one case a teaching assistant took it on herself to mark the contents of each child's lunchbox, and remove any items that offended her. She was not a tall woman, and weighed nearly 20 stone, so her self imposed status as school healthy eating guru was a little hard to swallow (har har)! The parents had suspicions about where the confiscated items of chocolate and crips ended up!

Another one used to make fun of my dyslexic 6yo son when he read to her - she was sat in the school corridor with him, and I happened to pop in to drop DS1's swimming kit off. She was telling DS2 that he wasn't trying hard enough, that all the other children had read that book ages ago, and that he would have to go back to YR and start again if he didn't sort himself out.

So yes, go and complain about this woman, because her behaviour is unacceptable, and she seems highly unsuited to the job she is being paid to do.

The teacher is clearly not dealing with the issue, so it is your responsibility to protect your child.

Being worried that this woman will know that it is you who has complained is an indication of how uncomfortable you are about her behaviour IMO.

Go to the head, and put your concerns in writing. It doesn't have to be in the form of a formal complaint, but you could comment how this member of staff behaves in ways that you find incompatible with her role with very small children.

I know this all sounds like a rant, but no-one would put up with someone treating other adults like this, so why should children have to endure it?

[imaginaryfriend]

HC, yes that's a good point that being frightened of this teacher's behaviour towards the children is definitely not a good sign. She really is very formidable.

[imaginaryfriend]

I mean frightened of the teacher's response to my complaint coming out in her behaviour towards the children.

My brain's not in full gear today.

[PanicPants]

Can you talk to the actual nursery teacher?

[imaginaryfriend]

That was my immediate thought. But I don't really know them and am worried about repurcussions on dd. I also vaguely get the feeling they are slightly intimidated by this woman. The two nursery teachers are New Zealanders in their twenties, both very nice and fun for the kids. But this woman is a tough South Londoner who's at least 45 and really quite enormous.

[PanicPants]

At the end of the day the teachers are the ta's and nursery nurses line managers, any worries or concerns should be discussed with them before/instead of going to the the head.

I have had a few parents come to me in the past about my TA's and it has been dealt with quietly and immediately. They are the teachers and really should be made of any concerns parents have, particulary with a member of staff.

Be brave, go and talk to one of them!

[circle]

Just read this thread.....I'm shocked! I'm a Nursery teacher and about to open my own school. I would never let anybody like this woman step foot in my class! You really need to speak to the head, a.s.a.p. Nursery children should always feel safe, relaxed and happy at school.