Reintroducing preschool

[samalulu]

Hi
One month ago my child (just 3) started at a local nursery after loads of pre prep and lasted 3 mornings before I pulled them out. Day 1 (I was there) was OK, an hour of play. Day 2 left for half an hour, returned to hysterical child crying so hard they couldn't breathe (has never ever cried like this before). Day 3 picked up at end of morning session only to discover they'd been crying all morning, nursery hadn't called me as requested, they'd said I was shopping and too busy to collect (seemed quite proud of this ) and poor love had cried so hard they'd vomited.
I left a bright, sunny, gregarious child and collected a little one who has since shown following behaviours...
-daytime wetting (been dry for ages)
-night time waking (often with screaming/ shouting)
-serious sep anxiety (eg always been daddy's shadow now my shadow and really needy)
-tears and panic attacks about returning
-attention seeking behaviour.
Provision and care obviously nowhere near good enough to leave them in and 1 month later only just starting to get confidence back.

My question is this - what now? DP very keen for them to attend preschool, I also want social element as although I'm a SAHM at the moment I can't provide the same social experience.... Feel a bit lost as to next steps/ how long to leave it/ how to help regain lost confidence etc. Any thoughts appreciated. Thanks.

[NickNacks]

What about a childminder, sort of half way between the two?

[Pancakeflipper]

Oh that's awful.

I think I would leave things for a few months. Perhaps think for after Christmas/Easter. Let your child recover from this. They will have also grown and changed in that time and may handle things differently.

I would spend that time looking into places and talking to the manager about your situation and see what they suggest and what they would do if your child was so distressed. See where you feel comfortable.

Inbetween time if you worried about socialising what about toddler groups/toddler gym/ toddler tennis/football/dance etc... things you can do with them or at least be there? Once or twice a week would be enough. Do you have friends who you can meet up with in the park etc?

[samalulu]

Thanks NickNacks but I was only sending them so they could experience being in a group of similarly aged children to make friends and being told what to do by other adults without Mummy there so school wouldn't be such a shock!!! I'm not sure a minder could provide this, thanks though.

Pancakeflipper, yes my gut is saying leave it until next term. We do loads of group activities - pretty much every day there's a music group, toddler group or some such activity, but these don't really lead to 'freinships' even though we go to the same clubs each week. I just worry I'm doing my child a disservice by not sending them to preschool, it seems to be the norm round here.

[samalulu]

I meant friendships!

[NickNacks]

Why can't a minder provide that? I'm not sure I follow...

[Pancakeflipper]

Blimey with a social calendar like that of course they don't want to go to nursery ! Much more fun being with you. Enjoy it. Nursery will happen but they are not 3yrs old yet.

I say this as my youngest DS begins school next week and although we have been thick as thieves ( with nursery 3 days a week) I wish we'd been together more. It goes so fast. Ignore the others in your area, do what is best for your child.

[samalulu]

The ones I'm aware of in my local area only have a couple of children and younger than mine. Wanted somewhere with more of a reception feel. No disrespect to childminders intended.

[samalulu]

It was turning 3 that prompted me to send them... I worry as they're an August birthday.... I think I have lost confidence that I know what is best after everything went so wrong. Poor love.
Anyway, thanks for your kind words and good luck to your DS next week. Thank you.

[breatheslowly]

I'd discuss this with the preschool and consider a much more gradual settling in process. My DD's nursery is very child centred and were willing to do what ever settling in was needed/worked for the individual child. It may be easier for the preschool to accommodate a more gradual entry after the beginning of term and once the other children are settled. You could also consider starting after half term as a compromise. I think that only a month later does sound a bit soon.

[samalulu]

Thanks breatheslowly.

[ZolaBuddleia]

My DD was 3 in June, our intake age is different here so she is the youngest at her preschool. Today is her third day, and she has got more upset each day. It's awful and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it either.

The leaders are very keen on 'dump and run', but it's not suiting DD at all, she needs to be settled in.

You have my sympathies, it's awful.