Would you put your dc back a year?

[MaryShoppins]

My ds is 3 years old. He he has speech delay, and minor physical delayed development (nothing overly obvious or intrusive). Basically, he looks and acts more like a 2 year old toddler.

My dilemma is, that he is due to start reception next year in September. He is currently on the waiting list for a nursery place, but, realistically, it's not looking likely he'll get a place before September, meaning he'll have to go straight to reception - full time.

I'm uncomfortable with this for several reasons. The fact that he has speech delay, not big deal really, as this is common, and the school are brilliant. I feel confident they will do their best to encourage further development on that part. But, he has physical issues too, including hyper-mobility and short stature (possibly requiring growth hormone injections). Because of his physical and speech delay, I have tried tirelessly to potty train him and failing miserably! If by chance he does get offered a nursery place before September, they will not accept him unless he is fully trained.

A few friends have suggested I ask that he be put back a year. Until now it hadn't crossed my mind. Thinking about it, it seems like a perfect solution (if they agree) because it will give me an extended time frame to potty train him, he will have a few additional months to continue with his speech therapy and 'catch up', I can give him the settling in period if he starts nursery in September, and he will then be one of the oldest children, therefore should feel less inadequate and a confident learner.

But, I don't know anyone who has done this. Are there any draw backs? What criteria does he need to fit to enable him to do this?

Ant help, advice or experience would be appreciated. Thank you!

[mummytime]

If you are in England this is very very hard, and there is a big risk that even if you do start him later at some point he will have to skip a year to "catch up".

Does he have a statement of special needs?
I would also suggest you post in the special needs area, as there you will find those who have experience of battling with the special need provision.

I think he should be getting a priority place at nursery, with support for his extra needs. But please do post on the SN area to get more experienced advice.

[Fizzypop001]

Yes I agree he should Be at nursery getting one to one support for his speech this will really help him if he's at a good nursery as for his potty training don't worry children do it in their own time nursery also helped me with this though

[Lougle]

Hi MaryShoppins, do pop over to the SN:Children board if you feel comfortable - it's a really friendly and useful place to hang out.

Firstly, the nursery cannot refuse your DS on the basis of being incontinent. It's Disability Discrimination.

Secondly, please consider asking for Statutory Assessment. Your DS may well be in need of seating considerations, for example, and a Statement would provide for these. The Statementing process is infinitely easier before Statutory school age, because before school age the SEN Code of Practice allows for 'one over-arching report from a health professional' to satisfy the evidence criteria. After Statutory School age, you would need the contribution of the school, and they would need to show that they can't meet your DS's needs before the LA considers making a Statement for him.

I can't stress that enough. Please, please, consider it.

Thirdly, putting your DS back a year is a) almost impossible b) unlikely to make a significant difference and c) frought with problems later. It's much better to have the right support at the right time.

[tethersend]

When is his birthday?

You can defer a reception place until the term of their fifth birthday.

I wouldn't worry about the toilet training issue so much- if toileting issues are due to a disability/delay, any school refusing to admit a child on those grounds is legally on very shaky ground indeed.

[tethersend]

And I would second what Lougle says about Statutory Assessment.

[lovethesun1]

You have just described my son who is also 3 & is globally delayed & looking at growth hormone therapy when he hits 4! It's hard isn't it,knowing what to do for the best.

We have gone with: mainstream preschool 2 mornings p/wk, specialist child scoot centre 1 morning p/wk. We are under-going stat assessment & aim to send him to the school attached to the preschool with a statement.

He has a 1:1 in preschool who is AMAZING. I was very nervous,but preschool has benefited him so much. We also wanted the other kids to get to know our ds,so that when they all go on to reception they are 'used' to the fact he is small,non verbal etc.

Would agree strongly with lougle r.e looking into statementing sooner rather than later.

Lastly,no school can legally refuse to take a child that isn't toilet trained due to medical reasons.

Whatever you decide,I hope it goes well for you.

[lovethesun1]

specialist child DEVELOPMENT centre,not scoot!

[MaryShoppins]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I'm slightly overwhelmed by how difficult it would be to get him put back. I understand why -otherwise I'm sure most people with august children would be doing so!!

Lougle I will pop over to the SN board as suggested - thank you

lovethesun1 Good luck with your son. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best isn't it? Sounds like you're doing a great job though.

To be honest, when I look at it on the whole, he's got his overall health and the doctors could have told me far worse news... so I'm pretty relaxed that he will catch up at some point and be 'normal' with regards to speech and size. But he looks to dinky and acts like a two year old toddler, and because he is still in nappies, I can't accept that he is or will be ready for school in September, when he will only have turned four within a couple of weeks of starting. I don't think it's me being precious much, I just think he needs that year advantage of nursery.

mummytime Hi, he has seen various speech therapists and is recognised by professionals as 1) speech delayed, 2) small stature, 3) Has hyper mobility. But statemented? I'm not quite clued up on that? Would the above be grounds for being statemented? He's been assessed over the past year and a half. It was me who approached HV and raised my concerns.

Fizzypop001 Unfortunately, although his name is on their waiting list, it is unlikely he'll get a place in time before he starts school next year. He does mix with children everyday (including his older siblings) due to the nature of my job. But, he has never attended a group setting with other children without my presence.

tethersend That's interesting about being able to defer a place until 5 yrs. He will be 4 years and 3 weeks when he is due to start reception...

[mummytime]

Holding a child back a year doesn't help. Education in the UK is carried out on the basis that it is differentiated to meet the needs of each child.

Are you in England? I would ask the next health professional you see about getting a statement for your son. Parent partnership might be able to help you.
I'm really not an expert on this, lots of other MNers know far more than me.

However I wouldn't be so relaxed, as without help your son might not "catch up" and the earlier help is given then the better the long term outcomes will be.

In an ideal world more of this would have been explained to you already, and you would be getting all the support and help you need. However, unfortunately the system doesn't work quite like that and we often had to push hard for our children.

[Lougle]

The SN:Children board can fill you in on Statementing - it's not as scary as it sounds.

[Pyrrah]

My DD (3.5) is also tiny (seeing the endocrinologists at the moment as she has growth delay and zero levels of IGF-1 as well as being under 10th centile when she should be 90th or over).

She wouldn't have anything to do with potty training at all. In the end I gave up trying and the week of her 3rd birthday she opted to wear knickers.

We had a couple of months where any accident resulted in her sticking firmly to nappies for the rest of the day, but by the time she started school nursery in October she was pretty much accident free during the day (still in nappies at night).

When the school came for the home visit they asked about PTing and said it was very normal for nursery children still to be in nappies.

I imagine it will just click with your son one day like it did with mine.

We had a lot of issues getting small enough uniform for DD, and I get stopped in the street from time to time by people who tell me that I'm cruel and DD is far too young to be in school as if I'm some kind of pushy mother. I am lucky that DD has a very extensive vocabulary and can generally say enough to convince them that I'm not cracking a whip over the head of my 2 year-old even if that is what she looks like.

I was worried if she would have problems at school with being so much smaller than others and silly things like reaching taps and climbing onto the loo, but the school made sure to check she could manage and help when needed.

I went through school out of year (I was a year ahead and an August birthday) and the one thing it convinced me - and my sister who did the same - was that there was no way any child of mine was going to be outside their peer-group. Possible initial difficulties are likely more summountable than the potential issues down the road. I'm not sure a UK state school will let you move year either?

Best of luck!

[achillea]

I agree with what others here say, get a statement - this will ensure that any additional help he needs will be put in place. Has he been seen by a paediatrician?

[noblegiraffe]

Check what your LA says. Mine says that you can apply this year for next September and hold a reception place open but not take up up till April. However, if you want to keep them off the full year, they would then start straight into Y1 and you would have to apply for a place the next year when the school would most likely be full.
They also give the opportunity to only go to school part time until the child is 5.