Coming home from hospital - any advice?

[tatt]

not for me but for my friend whose baby was born at 25 + 5 and came home today, about 2 weeks after his due date. They have been at the hospital for 2 days gaining confidence. It's obviously still quite scary as he has had several operations.

[Milco]

Gosh, that's a difficult one. It is such a confusing time, IMO. My son was born at 29+6 and we had a more straightforward time in SCBU than your friend by the sound of it. But we did have two trips to A&E and then further stays in hospital in between coming home from SCBU and reaching DS's due date.

I did find myself getting really low in the first extended period we had at home (after the first re-admission). I think a lot of it was exhaustion and the delayed impact of all the stress of the birth and its aftermath. I was really taken aback by it though - it felt like I thought the baby blues should, but I didn't think I would get them then, as I thought my hormones would have all settled down. But it is pretty common to feel this way after getting out of SCBU. I wouldn't want to scare your friend - she might be fine - but I was really relieved when I found out others had experienced it too (and I only found out through my husband pointing it out in a book). So maybe something to gently mention, so if it happens she is not too alarmed. It made me feel awful thinking that finally I had my precious DS home and yet I felt miserable and was finding it difficult to care for him properly (I thought). The worst passed within a week or two, but even now, 7 months on, every month seems easier than the last. I think it does take time to get over the experience of having a very premature baby.

Hope this helps. Sorry if it sounds a bit depressing. Maybe others will have some more practical tips. Best of luck to your friend. x

[tatt]

thanks for the warning. She was very down when he was born.

[sweetie66]

Hi Tatt, you sound like just the sort of friend she will need right now. My DD was 9 weeks prem and when she came home if I am honest it felt like an anticlimax. We had waited so long for it to happen that when it did I hadn't got a clue what to do! I also felt very down and doubted my ability to parent. Especially as DD had many (still does) emergency trips to A&E. You need to just be supportive and be there for her. Agree with Milco I found it difficult to care for him and felt like I needed constant reassurance that I was doing it right. Sorry I know that doesn't sound very helpful but having someone to talk to and share her experience with is probably one of the most important things you can do for her.

[Shiner]

Am afraid I don't know what to suggest, can only say how I felt when I brought our premature twins home, one after the other. With recovering from the c-section, expressing milk and travelling to/from the hospital each day, I was exhausted by the time they came home. I was also quite down because I felt I hadn't done a good enough job of keeping them in my tummy (sounds daft, but I felt it was my first job as mum, to look after them and keep them safe in my tummy).

I did appreciate a friend who came and cooked us dinner - I was ravenous all the time, but struggled to get out and shop, never mind cook when I got home. Cakes were good too.

On the one hand, I wanted to forget that they were premature, whereas on the other hand I was glad to hear of stories of premature babies who had gone on to be fine. Fortunately my MIL was born 2 months early, and she's a bright and lovely person.

In the beginning, going out with the twins was difficult. Not only were they constantly hungry (both had feeding difficulties so couldn't take in enough at one go), but when people saw them they would always comment on how small they were, which upset me. I would have loved to have a friend come and help me get them ready to take out, and then stay with me for the outing to help field off all the insensitive comments!

Agree with sweetie66, constant reassurance that you are doing things right is helpful. I also found it an anticlimax when they came home - definitely an odd time. They were already over a month old, but I felt I didn't yet know them, and since they came home well before their due date, I somehow found it hard to engage "mummy mode".