DD was early and is very clingy/nervous, was it my fault?

[HopAndSplash]

DD is 9 months, and was 2 months premature.

She wasn't planned, so I didnt find out I was pregnant until 5 weeks, so during that time had been out on 3 night's out, 2 were for my birthday which I was VERY drunk on, and I was smoking until I realised. Could this have caused the prematurity or affected her chances of autism or similar? She is extremely clingy and anxious with other people even if she knows them.

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

I really don't think you have done anything in your pregnancy or at all that made her come prematurely or make her clingy/nervous. 9 months is the peak for separation anxiety and completely normal.

[PollyPlummer]

No, you didn't do anything wrong. Its not your fault.
I think its normal to look for reasons for premature birth and when there are no reasons you look to yourself. I think a lot of parents to prem babies do it, but please don't blame yourself. It is a cliché but it really is just one of those things.
Like FEEDEM said separation anxiety is totally normal at that age. Its just a phase.

[bonzo77]

You did nothing wrong. Most people don't find out till 4 weeks at the earliest. And the first 2 weeks you're not actually "pregnant". I didn't find out til nearly 2 months with my first and got very drunk (vomiting etc) several times and smoked. DS1 is a very normal 3 year old.

Lots of babies are prem. I'm sure in theBliss book it says they don't really know the reasons for most premature labours.

As for separation anxiety.... It's so normal is would be more unusual if it didn't happen!

[pmjan1980]

Please don't think it's your fault, of course not... My pregnancy was planned, I stopped drinking months ago, watched everything I ate and drunk (e.g. Sufficient amount of water / vitamins) my little one was over three months early! So nothing to do with you! I used to try to find answers and think that it was my fault, but it sure wasn't.

My daughter was very clingy too funny enough. Perhaps the perms may be over handled by the Nurses in NICU, then by parents as they are little miracles afterall. Remember nothing lasts forever, he will get more confident n less clingy in months to come. Take care. X

[Poppet45]

Please dont beat yourself up OP. The first year with a prem is tough enough. Sep anxiety is entirely natural and developmentally v reassuring. Its nothing to do with being prem and actually the more pronounced it is it indicates a v strong parent child bond. Dd was three months prem, we never found out why and was a clingy limpet. Now at 23 months actual she is the most bolshy super confident madam you can imagine.