sympathy and suggestions please for over-worked pg worry wort

[monkey]

I am so tired and stressed. Stress and worry come naturally to me anyway, but I'd really appreciate sympathetic noises.

I am nearly 20 weeks into this pg. I am due mid November. I am so tired and have so much to do. I've moaned along these lines before, but it just seems to be piling up even worse.

I have 2 boys, aged nearly 2.5 & 4. On Friday their playroup ends for the summer, so I now have the prospect of 6 weeks of no activities - all other mum & toddler stuff closes for summer.

It's unbearably hot - it's now 9pm & it's still over 30, been 36 all day. I can't sleep for heat & mossie bites!

I can't keep up with housework, esp laundry. To top it all, we've just discovered damp in basement & loads of stuff furry moldy, so now I've got tons of extra work to try & clean it all up, move everything out of the store room & find new homes for it.

Final straw - dh still not back from work (like I said, just gone 9pm) & he's called to say he'll be similarly late pretty much every night for the next 3 weeks, when he'll be away for a week. If I read another pg article telling me to rest & nap if poss during day I'll scream &/or cry.

I'm so tired & fed up & stressed & it just seems to be getting worse. Family don't live near, friends all got toddlers, so can't get help there. Trying to 'phone a freind of a neighbour to see if she'll work a couple of hours a week & while this might take some pressure off, it's still just 2 hours out of 168 pw. help me, I'm drowning!!

[Oakmaiden]

Poor you! I'm afraid I don't have much helpful advice for you, but you have my sympathy, for what it is worth.

It will get better... and in the end it will all be worth it.

[ScummyMummy]

Oh Monkey. Have a million cyber hugs. It sounds bloody awful. Hope things feel better soon.

[monkey]

thanks oakmaiden -just read your other message.

I'm ok really - built to work! But very prone to bouts of self pity & stress. Would just love to have a break & be rested/pampered for a change, but it's just not happening. The thought of a whole week on my own, and if I'm right in thinking, best mate will be away in this week, boo hoo, so may well not have an adult to talk to for a week! Better stop thinking about it now, I'll get depressed.

[Rachael17]

hey monkey try not to stress too much. wat about ur inlaws or parents cudnt somebody help u out for a week, it must be horrible to b in ur situ but hang in there
im jus lucky im still living at home and have people around god knows wat im gonna do come aug wen im due to get my own place

[elliott]

oh, monkey - do all the groups really shut up all summer long? - eeek!! Do you have many other friends around you can spend a bit of time with during the day - not esp restful I know but usually easier to cope with the kids if there are other adults around. Surely a lot of you must be in the same boat? Can you get any (paid) help with the housework? If not can you ignore some of it? Are you having any holiday with dh over the summer?
Much sympathy.

[Marina]

Oh, Monkey, these continental playgroups and their long, early breaks...a friend in Germany is contemplating a similar yawning void but is not pg (she was last year and found it heavy going).
Is the mouldy stuff realistically going to get much mouldier if you shut the door on it and wait until dh can help you sort it...tell yourself that mould spores and pregnancy don't mix if you even feel a twinge of guilt.
It is also crappily baking hot and humid here, although not in the 36 degree league.
Citronella oil preparations (cream on you/burn the oil) and marmite (to eat) could help deter the mozzies a bit.
And is there any chance of a trip home to the UK now all these cheap airlines are springing up like mushrooms?
Cyberhugs to you and hoping things improve soon. Your friend will be back next week, and it is already Wednesday tomorrow...

[WideWebWitch]

Hi Monkey, sorry life is a pain atm. Here are my suggestions FWIW:

• Do you know many other people there? If so, could you set up a summer babysitting circle between the lot of you? So you and 1 other have 6/8 kids to look after one day and someone else and 1 other has them all the next?
  
• If you've got money to throw at the problem, do so -what about advertising locally for an au pair/mothers help? Or do you have any family with helpful teenagers (if that's not a contradiction in terms) who would like a holiday with you on the understanding that it's combined with some childcare?
  
• I agree with Marina, try to ignore the basement, it's not your problem re the damp and see if dh will take responsibility for cleaning all the mouldy stuff.
  
• Don't feel guilty about using the video to buy yourself some time once the holidays begin - you're pregnant and feeling crap so excuse yourself from guilt for a bit. Is there a laundry service that could take some of the sheets/towels/basement stuff? Or a service wash launderette so you just take them and collect? (or better still, send a cab or bike to do it)
  
• Can you get back to the UK to stay with family over the summer? (if they're helpful family) I do sympathise, especially with dh not being around in the evenings for the next 3 weeks.
  
• I think adult company makes all the difference so even if you can't arrange a babysitting circle, what about other parents at the playgroups? Would they respond well to some ideas for things to do in the holidays even if it's not a babysitting circle? I did a list for our playgroup one year and gave every parent a copy before the end of term - I arranged things like a bbq on the beach, a sports day in the park, a picnic in the woods, that kind of thing and put my phone no on it so people could let me know if they wanted to come. Some events were well attended, some weren't but it meant I had plenty of adult company in the holidays and the children all had their friends to play with.
  
• Are your 2 good sleepers? Can you treat yourself to bath stuff, good books, nice food for once they've gone to bed?
  Anyway, those were my sympathetic noises and suggestions, hope things get better soon.

[monkey]

thanks so much all of you. I guess the heat, plus the shock of dh showing me his (very full) schedule - all the way to next january - including nearly a week away just a couple of weeks before I'm due has kind of got to me!

Yes, everything really does stop for the school holidays. Everything! We've booked 10 days to the UK in August (I live in mainland Europe & all family in uk, so they can't help - too busy anyway). Bad timing really, because I would have come back to UK for the week dh is away (definitely also week best mate is away) but it's just a couple of weeks before we go anyway, so it's not feasible.

I am still trying to get in touch with this woman neighbour gave me her number, but no joy yet. She doesn't speak English - yikes, but I'll manage! If I get through to her. We have a very sweet 16 year old babysitter, who has unfortunatley just gone on holiday for SEVEN weeks, so she's out too! I'm jinxed!

We stupidly already had our summer holiday, but dh is looking at tyring to take a few days in September, but seems an awfully long way off right now.

I do have an aunty in the UK with a 14 year old ( or thereabout - just done SATS, does that sound right? I've light heartedly suggested it before, but no sniff of offer being taken up) might try asking again tho', thanks for that www.

I am very lucky with my boys - they generally get on very well during the day, and play together without me if nec. for quite long periods, and usually sleep well, (although currently waking several times a night, mainly heat related thirst etc - why can they never find their drink in the night??)

I'm sure I'll be able to manage to rustle up plaenty of meetings in the summer, I suppose I'm just lazy, I do know planty of mums here, and we have a fabulous outdoor swimming pool with lovely gardens & playground just 5 minutes away, I guess I'll just have to pull my finger out! (back to the too hot tired & lazy bit) Anyone fancy a week abroad mid-july!!