Bad 12 week screening results just need to talk it through with somone whose been there......

[feelingbadtoday]

I'm 38 wen't for my 12 week screening test today (nuchal fold+bloods) and was given a 1:2 results - I've been put down for CVS hopefully in the next week. I'm blessed that I have DS but this came as a such a shock - I fully expected my results to show a higher risk factor than when I had my son three years ago - I was even mentally prepared (I think!!) for a risk factor that might havve put me in the bracket for being offered CVS but not a 1:2. I just feel in shock at the moment - this preganancy has already been difficult in that I have mentally had probelms getting my head round it (It was planned but when I found out I was pregagnt it bought back lots of bad memories of a difficult birth with DS and a diffult few post natal months) - I can't stop crying and just feel a bit of a mess...Has anyone been there how do you get a grip/get it in perspective - I'm sorry if this isn't very coherent and well written its not been the best of days....thanks to anyone who responds.

[shubiedoo]

My heart goes out to you, I'm 11 weeks and waiting to hear about blood results. I'm nearly 38 as well, this is my third.

Remember, though, even with 1 in 2 there is a 50% chance the baby is fine.

[ilovemydog]

Am so sorry

I take it that you would have a termination if the test is confirmed?

[feelingbadtoday]

Thanks - that what I keep telling myself - its still 50/50. I suppose I just felt lost after I left the hospital like you are given this information and then just have to get on with life.....and in your head you feel such a mess. Good luck with yours (I keep trying to tell myself that the midwife was very new at screening and after a long morning was getting really hassled that the baby wouldn't move - perhaps they didn't get a good measurement!)

[shubiedoo]

Thanks, it's hard waiting till tomorrow but I can't expect to know till then.

[feelingbadtoday]

I the termination issue depends obviously on the outcome if its Edwards or Patu(sp) then I think they may be the direction we head - if the baby has Downs I'm not so sure as i've met some lovely children with Downs (and I have a cousin who has it) - not sure in my head I'm ready for thinking that one through - just a bit scared about getting on with the next few days until I can find out one way or the other and then make a decision. I just feel so bad because I found this pregancy so mentally difficult and am feeling really guilty for at times resenting it - the worse bit is that when I saw it today I started to feel emotional attachment. sorry excuse the ramblings of this slightly deranged one...

[kitkat9]

oh, you poor thing...please don't be hard on yourself. Hang on to the 50/50 fact - nothing has been written in stone yet..

Try chasing uo the results to get them earlier -perhaps if they see how worried you are you'll hear something sooner. We just had to wait for amnio results which weren't due until tomorrow but dh couldn't wait, kept calling, and we got them yesterday. I understand the worry you're going through, it's awfully hard...

[feelingbadtoday]

Thanks kitkat9 - I hope your results were good.

[Flllight]

You poor thing, I am sorry you have had this result. It must have been a terrible shock. I hope we can be here for you whatever happens next. There are many MNers who have been in your position, and lots of us who care even if we have not yet been there.

(Ilovemydog I am not sure why you say that about termination, I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it but what made you think that?)

[itati]

I think it is a fair assumption to make tbh from the tone of the post, Flllight. if someone is definitely going to have the baby regardless they usually post that and the post is less panicky.

When I was given worrying results from a test my post was completely different in tone.

[itati]

I have said it a million times but even if the Baby does have Edwards' it doesn't have to mean a termination. We were in that position almost 4 years ago.

[feelingbadtoday]

Thanks Flllight - I just feel so strange like my life is suddenly on hold and I just wish I could stop Bl**dy crying about it. I'm very lucky that DH has taken the day off and work says that he can have tommorrow off if he needs it - he's taken it quite well (probably not the right word) but pragmatically shall we say and is getting on with domestic things its me that is just a mess...

[Flllight]

I'm not surprised you feel a bit floored - I think most of us would. It's not something you ever really expect, I suppose.
There's no need to worry about what to do yet because that will only become clear to you once your brain has processed the initial shock. So don't try and think straight yet! It will come.

I'm glad your husband is being kind and supportive.

[ilovemydog]

Fllight - the OP has already answered this.

[itati]

Ring the Ante natal helpline. They really are lovely and will talk you through the options.

[feelingbadtoday]

Thanks all the midwife/councillor (wasn't taking a huge lot of notice as was blubbing too much) is supposed to be calling me tomorrow hopefully with a date for CVS. Part of me regrets ever having the scan/test now (when I had DS three years ago I had such a good score I just though that this time it would be a bit reduced for age etc but still good - naive I know) on the other hand DH and I always said we wanted to know to be prepared ifykwim. Sorry for all the typos in my posts have fat fingers today as well as red eyes! - its just good to talk and fell less alone

[itati]

You are not alone.

[RosyBelle]

Sending lots of hugs to you. Don't know if it will help but I know someone that was given a 1:2 chance - she lived in a country where an amnio was her only option - she had the amnio at 15 wks and the results were fine - her 1:2 is now at school with my daughter.

[feelingbadtoday]

Thanks Rosybelle - thats what I keep trying to tell myself - there's just as much chance of it being fine as not - its just this state of limbo that is hurting so much (I know I'm not the first and I'm an impatient so and so which makes it harder)

[elkiedee]

feelingbadtoday, I'm going through this myself though my stats are a bit different (1:120 aged 39). I had my first baby at 37 and my test results came back low risk despite my age, so I was shocked by the phone call last Thursday morning.

I had the CVS test this morning and am now waiting for the results and hoping nothing goes wrong - they were able to arrange it quite quickly. There is a miscarriage risk but I was told this morning that although infection can still be a problem, the consultant found my test quite straightforward to do and believes the risk will have dropped accordingly.

Like you, I'm not quite sure what I'll do if the results are bad. I do know lots of people who've had CVS/amnio who were undecided or planning not to terminate, including my cousin's wife who was probably under 30 at the time. However, it is your decision.

Fingers crossed for you, and I will look back in on this thread.

[wrinklytum]

Hi FBT

I am coming to this thread as the mother of a special needs child and a NT child (nt= neurologically typical).DD was born with a malformed brain that means she has developmental delay and will need lifelong care.None of this was evident during my pregnancy and it wasn't until later we realised anything was wrong.She is 2.6 with a developmental age of 1.5,she cannot talk but is learning to sign,she can walk with the aid of a frame.She is helluva personality and can make her needs known
Yes its bloody hard work at times but I wouldn't swap her for the world.I do worry about the future-who will care for her when I've gone?? and when we first found out I had a deep well of sadness grieving for the girl I thought I would have,but you do adapt and accept the child you have been given.(thats not to say it is plain sailing )DD is DD in all her funny ways,she has a smile that lights up the world and is very loving.

There is also a lot of support for our children.DD attends Portage with a lovely little girl with Downs Syndrome.I think what I am trying to say is although it is very very hard to take on board initiallly please do not think that a special needs child neccessrily means that it is the end of the world.Its just a different world,thats all.I am not saying to you that you should not terminate should your child be a DS child-that decision is ultimately up to you,I think what I am trying to say is that there is a lot of love in our children too.It is not the end of the world if a child has delays IYKWIM?? (Although it does feel like it when you are first told)God I'm rambling....I hope that you are able to make an informed decision that feels right to you.Hugs Wrinkly xxx

[ilovemydog]

Itati is right - you are not alone. It's a really scary time, fear of the unknown etc. Lots of women have gone through a similar situation and can provide support/advice

But once you have the results, then you can make a decision.

I know it's difficult, but try and focus on the things that are right in your life. All the positive things. It sounds to me as if your DH is very supportive.

If nothing else, do not feel guilty for any adverse feelings you may have for this pregnancy. Chromosomal issues are deemed right from the start, and guilt just doesn't come into it.

Hopefully it will be all be OK. Fingers crossed!

[feelingbadtoday]

Thanks all for your messages - elkiedee good to know I'm not alone at the mo - cross fingers (and toes) for you.

[Chooster]

Hi feelingbad - I've been where you are and its awful isn't it. Having had DS1 I went quite happily to the scan for my next baby only to be told that the nuchal was worryingly high. I had a 1:4. I had the CVS the following day and I really hope you are seen as quickly as its not good to stew on these things. I spent far too long during the time I was waiting for the test and then the results on the internet trying to find answers and I only made myself worse, so if you can try to avoid doing your own research on what might be...

I am so so sorry this is happening for you. I wont dwell on the situation if you do decide to terminate but there is a huge amount of support for people in these situations. If you feel up to it perhaps try ARC (Antenatal results and choices). They were a lifeline to me and I still support the charity. They have volunteers who have been in your position who can talk to you on the phone whenever you want. Sometimes it helps to talk things through with a stranger who understands.

Best of luck and let us know how you are.

[Chooster]

By the way ARC is not a charity to suppoer people who terminate, it is for people who have had some distressing antenal results and helps them through the process of getting the results and figuring out what to do next... xx

[madmouse]

Just posting my support. Can't imagine what you are going through. Desperately hoping with you for the good 50%