First time nerves ... support wanted!

[ElizabethCM]

i am 25wks pregnant with my first baby. in the last week i have been SO anxious that i am not ready. i am all of a sudden terrified that i am going to find motehrhood overwhelming, and that, for the first few months of my little babies life, i will be in a state of befuddlement which will render me a horrible mother!! and by the time i get my act together my maternity leave (6 months) will be over and then i will find leaving the baby (who i've already screwed up by this stage) heart wrenching. my wonderful partner, who is a writer, is staying at home with the baby after 6 months, and when i think about that i get terrified that HE will hate it, and quietly resent me .... etc etc. did anyone else get this scared? honestly i am terrified!

[fryalot]

I think if you didn't get absolutely petrified a bit apprehensive about an impending birth, you'd be a bit odd.

It is, after all, a life-changing event and of course you are going to worry about how a new baby will affect your life, and your partner's life.

You probably will find motherhood if not overwhelming, certainly very taxing, and you probably will spend the first few decades months of your baby's life in a state of befuddlement. But, you know what, it's fab!

You will cope, I promise. If you weren't having these worries, we would all be laughing at your arrogance and knowing that you will get your come-uppance, as it is, I think we will all be able to recognise our own fears from our first pgs.

And I am fairly certain that he will not resent you for going back to work.

I know that nothing I can say will stop you worrying, but please be reassured that your worries are perfectly natural and we all get them (well the sane ones among us do).

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Nothing to add but me too

I think the fear is perfectly natural...I hope!

[Fleurie76]

I had something very similar at around exactly 25 or 26 weeks (I'm now 39 weeks!) and even had a couple of full on panic attacks (which I have never had in my life) at the prospect of giving birth and the whole enormousness of impending motherhood.

I posted on here and had quite a few people replied saying that they had exactly the same anxiety at the same point in their pregnancy.

Please don't think I am trying to belittle your feelings into 'it's just a phase' but I do think that once you get to the 'viable' stage of a pregnancy that it can bring with it a whole rush of anxiety and a feeling of 'oh my God this is actually going to happen'

Your feelings are totally normal, keep posting on here and talking with your other half / close friends about how you feel. I hope that if it's the same as the feelings I had that you will rationalise them in the coming weeks and you will feel better about it soon.

I can't say I am about to give birth feeling absolutely confident and without any sort of worry but compared to how I was feeling at about your stage I'm much more in control of it and you will be too

Big hugs to you and good luck

[Becky77]

I'm approaching 37 weeks and starting to feel panicky... My hormones so far have been keeping me ultra calm but now time seems to be flying by and the thought of loosing a huge wedge of my income, having complete responsibility for a new life and the fear of the birth is making me rather edgey! Why'd we have to be heading into a recession now eh??

[TheUnsinkableMB]

Hi Elizabeth,

Just wanted to say, what you're feeling is totally normal and yes for the first few weeks you will be in a state of befuddlement as its a big life-changing thing and you're totally new at it, just remember so is your baby, and you'll both be learning together.

I stupidly enough didn't get too panicky, I was so engrossed in the pregnancy that I never really read about all the post-birth stuff and had absolutely no idea what to do with the poor little blighter once she arrived!

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

[Tangle]

I certainly did. I still do sometimes, and DD's 13 months now!

One of my midwives commented "they grow up in spite of you, not because of you", and its very VERY true. You'll all be fine

[Excitable]

SNAP! 25 weeks pregnant and suddenly, out-of-the-blue terrified!

Had to go home and have a cry after work the night before last, which completely confused poor DH, who is taking his new role of looking after the house very seriously and wanted me to go to the supermarket with him - and all over some puffy ankles!

Not completely convinced that it's going to be all right, but people much less capable than me seem to cope. I think I'm imploding from trying to imagine the unimaginable!

Thank you to the OP for having the guts to post this and thank you everyone else for the sound advice!

[Essie3]

Been feeling this for the whole of my pregnancy, I think, although it did get a lot worse after 20 weeks (sickness eased off and could actually think straight...and immediately thought 'what the hell am I doing?!'. I'm working on the basis that I'm normal...

Becky77 - the recession, god, why now?! I can't afford not to work, so will have to grit my teeth and just get on with it hopefully reassuring myself that the baby will have a less worried mother therefore a Good Thing.

If it helps, a friend of mine has a 7 month old daughter, and has taken a year off, but she was telling me the other day that she feels ready to go back to work now. Not that she doesn't love her DD, but she just feels ready.

[StrangeTown]

Oh I felt like this - knowing nothing would ever be the same eg my body, my life, my work/life balance, relationship with DH. What if I can't cope and hate it and have ruined my life???? It all adds up and this whole thinking things over is part of you just being pregnant and wondering about having a baby. Perfectly normal.

FWIW - I have never been happier than the last 5 months with DS, even when it's bad it's brilliant underneath. I even like my dodgy post pregnancy body.

[ElizabethCM]

thanks so much lovely mumsnetters. that does make me feel better. i'm not sure what has got into me, but am so relieved that it is to be expected! i think my worry has been enhanced by the fact that our little family is in limbo (i am about to get job promotion which will require moving) and things that might make me feel better prepared like preparing a nursery, are not possible right now IYSWIM?

thanks for the kind words...