I still havent told my work im pregnant and i dont no what to do!!!!

[HelenCS]

Hiya,

I will be 20 weeks gone next week but i still havent told my work yet and im shitting it to be honest!!

Ive only been there just about 3 months (my probation ends in literally 2 weeks) but i really am at the point where i cant hide it anymore and i need to tell my boss!

BUT im a bit of a woose and im not sure i have the guts to tell her as she can come accross a bit 'too preoccupied' and stressed out sometimes

ANY advice at all welcome!!

I just dont no what to do but im trying to gear myself up for telling them tomorrow!

[MayPolerBear]

Congratulations!
And that should be her reaction as well!

[finallypregnant]

You only legally have to say 15 weeks before your due date which is at 25 weeks - I think

[lou222]

why not wait till after your probation?

[theyoungvisiter]

tbh if your company has a good HR record I would probably tell her before your probation - any company worth its salt will probably fall over themselves to ensure that they are NOT seen as discriminating against a pregnant woman.

You have legal benefits while pregnant - obviously this wouldn't extend to them keeping you on if you were incompetent but hopefully you would know by now if they were unhappy with your performance.

Plus in your boss's shoes, I would feel better being told beforehand - it would indicate that they trusted me to do the right thing. I would understand if someone preferred to keep it quiet but I would probably be a bit hurt that they didn't trust me to make the right decision regardless.

Do you have any grounds for thinking they won't treat you fairly? Have they discriminated against other pregnant women? If not, I think you are hopefully worrying too much... people fall pregnant all the time and it's rarely the end of the world work-wise. Good luck...

[Buckets]

Could you maybe tell her by email so you don't have to see her first reaction? If she is a stressy panicky type, she'll probably appreciate a bit of time to gather her thoughts. Just mention your due date, that you'll be getting your MATB1 certificate in a month or so and hope this doesn't affect your probation period (she will also appreciate the time to run off to HR for advice too).

[AHLH]

I'm pg and I'm also a boss. I would far prefer to be told face to face than by email.

[beforesunrise]

she will surprise you. first prenancy i was so nervous i almost apologised to my (very gruff and scary, very male and very american) boss for letting him down- he was so lovely i almost cried! second time around i had to tell him really early as he offered me a promotion to take care of a high profile project and he was even nicer about it all (still gave me the job).

managers are trained to deal with this type of issue, and whatever their feeling about it they cannot tell you anything else than congratulations. the sooner you tell her, the more time she has to organise cover so from a mutual respect point of view i think you should tell her as soon as possible.

a friend of mine waited till 25 weeks- she was obviously showing and had been puking her guts out for about 15 weeks, i think her boss wasn't very nice about it all and just told her well well what a surprise, i think he was annoyed not t have been told earlier and not having been able to sort things out (she ended up working right until delivery whcih isn't ideal really)...

[HelenCS]

Hi

thanks for the advice but i still havent told them!!

Im thinking maybe inform HR so that they no and then tell my boss at my probation meeting in like 3 weeks? but i am visibly pregnant and trying to hide it so im not sure i can wait that long!

as ive only been there nearly 3 months does anyone no what rights i have when i have when it comes to maternity leave?

[theyoungvisiter]

I wouldn't tell HR first - I think that's odd and disrespectful and they will probably just tell your boss straight away anyway.

Do you have a majorly difficult relationship with your boss? If not I honestly think you are stressing too much - go on - take a deep breath and get it over with!

[slinkiemalinki]

Like others have said, you have to bite the bullet, do it now - tell your boss face-to-face at the first available opportunity. Anything else (email, telling HR, waiting a few weeks more) is really pretty rude and inconsiderate. Remember they have to make plans to cover your absence etc as well. She probably has already guessed! You are in a better position re probation once it's out in the open.
So get on and do it - it's never nice but it will probably go better than you think!

[otter1980]

HelenCS - i was in the exact same situation as you, got pregnant just after got offered job and was nervy about telling them, my boss is/was a woman who was very stressy and not very keen on children (also pregnancy freaked her out a bit which was interesting before i left on mat leave...) you have to just tell them. get her in a meeting room and blurt it out, i did. You might be suprised, i was convinced that everyone knew I was pregnant and no-one has guessed.

they cant discriminate against you on grounds of your pregnancy so dont worry about that - they may not be happy but they can't do anything (like make you put it back!!) also you are entitled to time off for appointments etc and my boss despite her not liking kids/ pregnancy freak out was pleased for me.

as for rights its a bit comples have a look here but basically if you have been with your workplace for 26 weeks when you are 25 weeks pregnant (by your EDD) you qualify for statutory maternity leave (so whatever your company offer) if not (like me) you are still entitled to a full 12 months off, your company will pay you nothing but you may/should qualify for maternity allowance. Apart from the first 6 weeks of mat leave this is basically the same either way, its just that you will get paid by benefits office rather that your work. Your HR deptartment will be able to help, the direct gov site is really helpful too, link is here

[dgomez]

I had your same problem , I just started a new job in october 2007 and by january 2008 I discovered I was pregnant. I am lucky because my bosses are in Germany, but by march I felt I had to tell them so I wrote a very sincere email explaning that I was also feeling a bit nervous and embarassed in telling them the news, but they were extremely nice to me and even suggested I got a replacement for the months I will be away from work. Since then I feel much more relieved, also because sometimes you might not feel well and you need to leave, or you have appointments, scans, courses etc and so you don't have to come up with excuses all the time. Good luck

[Essie3]

I've had terrible problems at work, and didn't tell my boss, just filled in the Mat1 certificate (or whatever) and left it in his inbox for a signature. He had been totally sh!t anyhow. And he got even worse, and we no longer speak. (My contract expires in September - v. v. long story).

Not the ideal way, but I did not under any circumstance want to give him the upper hand or any discussion.

[blot4]

I'm in the slightly sticky position of just having been offered a new job, in a new organisation and subsequently discovering I'm pregnant with my second child . I'm not due to start until August (by which time I'll be nearly 5months pregnant).

When do you reckon I should tell my new boss?

[ElfOnTheTopShelf]

Helen - have you told them yet
You just need to ask your boss for five minute sit down in private, and tell them.

TBH, you'll dread it more than you need to, and it will not feel as bad as you think once you have gotten it off your chest and just said it.

Speak directly to your manager, dont approach HR first. Theyoungvisitor has a good point re companies going out of their way to not discriminate against pregnant people.

I told work I was pregnant and was not looking forward to it because we'd been short staffed for ages, somebody new started and announced their pregnancy, so I felt awkward as I was putting everybody back into a bad position work wise, but they were fine about it, and I got promoted a few months after being back from maternity leave!!

[Excitable]

Helen - could you send an e-mail to your boss asking to see her in private, then you can't back out of doing it? It's good advice about saying how you feel about telling her your news. If she's a stresshead, she should understand about stress.

Blot - you've got to tell them now. It'll be much easier when you don't know them anyway. What will be will be, just bite the bullet, unless you have a reason to think they'll treat you unfairly.

[Judy1234]

Wait until the probation is up. I could keep it hidden for 5 months by clothes. Keep it hidden for now. Wait until 5 months if you can and keep off the creme buns.

[slalomsuki]

I went to 7 months without telling mine and they swear to this day they handn't guessed especially since I went skiing at 5 months.

I started in the beginning of september and found I was pregnant 4 days after I started. Ds1 was prem and they only knew for 2 weeks before he came so not a lot of time all round! They were fine and I still work there.

I thought there was a very short time period prior to the due date in which they had to be told otherwise they don't need to know officially. They may guess though but mine didn't

[geordieminx]

Second what xenia sas - its not morally right to keep it hidden but you have to look after no.1 (and 2). You tell them now there is a possibility that come the end of your probabtion they will tell you that it hasnt worked out. I dont think they even need to give you a reason. Having said that if you think they know already i.e you are the size of a small house then perhaps you should tell them, as not telling them could be making it worse.

Is there any way you could tell them that you have only just found out in the last month or so?

[Judy1234]

Or if later they say why did you not tell us sooner just say there's a history of miscarriage in the family and you were advised not to tell anyone until it was well established.

[otter1980]

I didn't tell until we had passed the 12 week mark but personally I found that it was so stressful for me keeping it quiet, i felt like i was being dishonest. if your probabtion period ends before you legally have to tell them then, as long as you are comfortable with it, you dont have to say anything. However you may be suprised how they take it and again they cant discriminate against you because of the pregnancy. when you do tell your boss it may be worth mentioning legal rights (i.e. i know that I dont legally have to tell you until xx weeks, however i felt it would be better to tell you now etc) as the mention of the world legal will let them know you aren't completely clueless. I did feel that I was in a more secure position having told them, as if they'd have guessed, they could have got rid of me for that reason and i'd have had no legal rights. As soon as I had told them, they would have had to find a legitimate problem with my work. Also as you'll not be paid by company whilst off they'll not be out of pocket.

blot4 - i would be upfront about it, they'll apreciate the honesty

[AHLH]

Remember that your employer has to do a risk assessment on your ability to carry on doing yout job, with a view to changing your tasks if appropriate, once you've told them that you are pg. From an employer's point of view, I would like to be told sooner rather than later, so I could could manage my pg staff appropriately.

I told my boss when I was 9 weeks because I was so ill (and started a 6 week stint in/out/in/out/in//out hospital that evening) and he was fab (despite being a bloek in his 50s). When I came out of hospital, he arranged for me to do a "phased return" to work and did my risk assessment the day I came back to work.

Your boss may surprise you! The longer you leave it, the worse your making it for yourself. You've worried about it so much, you've probably been through the worst.

IF you have nearly finished your probabtion, with no problems to date, then it seems your boss is happy with your work.It'll probably be far more aggro for him not to extend your comtract and have to replace you (with someone else who might get pg!) than to let you go on mat leave.

Let us know how you get on and good luck!

[Judy1234]

Dpends what you do thouhg. If someone is just sitting at a desk there aren't really risk assessment issues and I don't thin kthere's any legal obligation on the employee to notify the employer at a particular time as long as it's before they go on maternity leave. I chose to stay in a room with a chain smoker for the first 3 months of one pregnancy in the days when smoking at work happened rather than disclose I was pregnant. My choice. My right.

If you mentino it before the probation is up 90% likely they won't keep you on in consequence and will find some pretext to be rid. If you tell them after they will find it much harder.

[HelenCS]

Hiya everyone

Yes i did tell on them on tuesday and my manager was so lovely about it!! although she said she already new because another colleague had said to her i was which i did go mad about and i think i have a right to?? but she said she was going to wait for me to talk to her as and when i was ready instead of her just barging in!

fell soooo much better for doing it and feel alot more relaxed at work.

Ok, only 2 more weeks til probation passes but on monday they were talking about how there taking on more staff as business expanding and what areas everyone being left in so that does put my mind at ease that i will be keeping my job! anyway.. i do no my rights....