Always wanted 3 children so why now that no3 is on the way am I terrified I've done the wrong thing?

[FairyBasslet]

I had to persuade DH that he really did want to do it all again and finally he relented.

We got pg 1st month of 'trying' - stopped trying suddenly as we had a chickenpox scare - I haven't had it then DD was exposed at nursery - she didn't get it in the end. By rights then I shouldn't have got pg so I guess it was just meant to be.

I found out whilst on ski holiday in Canada. Had what I thought was AF start on the plane (breathed sigh of relief as meant I could still enjoy a few beers on hols) then realised that it was an implantation bleed. I still skied, in fact did some of the most difficult skiing I've ever done but still cut out the alcohol.

Since getting home and going back to work I can only feel guilty - guilty about needing some maternity leave again (God knows why as work isn't exactly a happy environment just now), guilt about the effects on DS (4) and DD (2), and how the hell are we meant to go on these great holidays with 3 kids in future. Also I'm dreading the reaction when I tell people no3 is on the way.

I really feel I've screwed up but can't quite figure out why none of this occurred to me before it was all too late.

I'm only 7 weeks so early days yet and no doubt hormones all over the place but any reassurances would be welcome.

[oliviaelanasmum]

Hi i had exatcly the same feelings when i found out that i was pregnant again less than 5 months after dd3 was born. I was worried about the affect on the dd's and also the money aspect but once we talked it over i started to feel more positive. As for holidays etc we took our 3 dd's to Spain for the christmas period and are taking them again for 10 days in june so it can be done and cheaply!

[oliviaelanasmum]

effect not affect!

[cazzybabs]

3 is wicked....I have always wanted 4 and i had the same issues at about 36 weeks pregnant (when it is far too late).,..however (so far all 13 weeks of it) it is brill.

[PetitFilou1]

Fairy I have ds 4 and dd 2 1/2 and am 18 weeks pregnant with dc3. Felt exactly the same as you and freaked out a bit when I actually got pregnant with no3. But now I'm fine about it. I always come back to the fact that I never felt 'finished' when I had ds and dd and now I am very definite that this is the last one. It is a relief to feel like that. I am strangely precious about this one now as it will be the last time I go through all of this.

[debinaustria]

Firstly congratulations

I am 29 weeks pg with #3 and my boys are 8 and 6. I felt overwhelmingly broody last summer, and after much discussion we decided to try and if it happened it happened ifswim, and it did - straight away. I was so pleased initially then at about the same time as you, I thought oh what have we done, how will this affect our boys, and our family life etc etc... Needless to say all this has now changed and did so from when I told the boys they were just so excited and involved etc...

Also like Petitfilou - this baby seems so precious because I know it will be the last!

[FairyBasslet]

Thanks for all your replies. It's good to know I'm not alone with these mad feelings.

I think once I go public (and I'm absolutely dreading telling people tbh) I'll feel better.

[dizzydixies]

fairy am pg with dc3 too and frankly hated telling work as have been off a lot after dd2 arrived in 2006, needless to say am not flavour of the month with some of my colleagues, they haven't even congratulated and considering this pg has been less than straight forward they've been down right mean

then again, I'm the one who is pg, I'm the one who is going to have a lovely new baby and I'm the one who will be away from the bunch of evil wenches for another matty leave period which I'm entitled to whether they like it or not probably a very childish attitude but sod them

you are pg, its a lovely wonderful thing and if they can't share in that sod them, its not worth worrying about

good luck and congratulations

[BitLessTiredNow]

Hi there - I wanted 3 but when I found out I was pg with dc3 suddenly hated the whole thought to the extent I didn't tell anyone until it was too obvious to hide. Felt vv negative all the way through - didn't even want ot push out baby in labour. But now she is here I am thankful every day that I have 3 - it is a lovely dynamic and SO mch easier than going from 1 child to 2. I love ebign with the three of them - of course it is more washing etc but they love each other so much and I am so happy they will always have each other.

[mummypig]

hi fairybasslet, I'm about 25 wk pg with number 3 and I have felt very similar misgivings. Ds2 was a difficult baby for many reasons, but I always wanted three kids, and for about 9 months before conceiving number 3 I was absolutely desperate to have another one. I felt fine for the first 5 weeks or so and then the nausea kicked in. Then ds2 was seriously ill (again) and I just couldn't imagine how I would cope with three of them especially if the new baby was as sicky as ds2. It's getting better, though. Ds2 is on meds that seem to make a big difference, and the boys are both quite excited about a new baby, and my bump is more noticeable now, so more people know about the baby and are talking to me about it. It's all helping to make having a third child feel more real, and more like a good thing.

Sorry if my post is a bit waffly but I hope you see what I'm getting at.

[MorocconOil]

I had the same feelings while pregnant with DC 3. Now she's nearly 3, and it is such hard work at times. I often feel pulled in 3 directions, and it feels like there's often somebody who feels hard done to.(usually DC 2).

However there are so many times when you look at your brood of three and feel such pride and love.(and amazement that you can actually cope with all the demands)

[accessorizequeen]

FB, I feel I could have started this thread and nearly did a few weeks ago! You are so not alone in thinking this. I am 12 wks with no.3 (2 ds's, 4 & 1) and like BitLessTiredNow I am just in denial most of the time. I cannot think for the life of me why I thought I wanted another!! And so close together urgh.

I was crying every night at 7 weeks, and all I can say is that the hormones have eased up a little and I do have moments where I think I love the kids I've got and I'll love this one and the rest of it doesn't matter. DP has forced me to try and be more positive and not say the horrible thoughts out loud, which has helped. He's also reminded me of the reasons why I wanted another as I can't seem to remember...Shows me photos of ds2 when he was just born and reminds of the birth and how happy I was etc. How the boys have bonded, how 2 to 3 cannot possibly be as hard as 0 to 1 or 1 to 2!

The few people I've told have been ok, just think we're mad really! You could maybe tell someone first that you know will be really pleased for you?

[disneystar]

fairybasslet im pg with baby number 7 but i will only have 5 at home so im not totallt mad you ask how will you manage the holidays i know what you mean
we always go to florida all 6 of us when i found out i was pg that was my question too
im 22 wks now and just about to book our holiday for 4 weeks 2 wks in a rv touring the US and 2 wks back in orlando
yep with 5 kids to
congrats on your pregnancy and im sure all will settle down sooner rather than later,hormones are all over the place makes us very irrational people at the time
we had just got rid of this old people mover just before i found out i was pg
and i was due to buy myself a s type jag this easter i actually cried and said what about my car (how silly is that )
but i have had children for 22 years this was my treat to me
im ok now cant wait for this little boy to arrive and yes we are looking to buy another huge people mover,i wouldnt have it any other way now

[FairyBasslet]

Thank you all - you're making me feel so much better. I phoned up to sort out a midwife appointment today so it's starting to feel 'official' now.

I feel exactly the same - just can't figure out why I thought 3 was such a good idea before. I really feel like an idiot for screwing things up (as it seems).

I even had a sleepless night the other night worrying about how we'd take our 3 to a theme park (doesn't someone always get left out when you're an odd number?) - that's how irrational I am currently

I'm so happy to hear you manage to do such ambitious holidays with your brood, disneystar. Sounds ridiculous but the holiday thing is a major obstacle for me to get over in my mind as we do like our holidays. In the last couple of years we've taken the kids to the States twice, Canada and Greece so we do like to travel a bit. I guess we'll just have to save a bit harder and figure it out from there.

[rozzyraspberry]

FairyBasslet - I was in a really similar situation to you. After swaying between wanting another and not wanting another I finally decided I did and managed to convince DH it was a good idea. I came off the pill and a few weeks later thought 'is this really a good idea?' However, I was as it turns out already pregnant by then. DS1 was 4 1/2 at the time and DS2 was just over 2 1/2. The whole pregnancy I kept thinking 'is it really a good idea to have another' {especially if I was having a bad day with the others} and then remembering it was too late.

I didn't feel I could tell anyone how I was feeling as it was planned and it was me rather than DH who had been keen on the idea.

I was also dreading telling work as I'd only worked there for 9 months before I fell pregnant with ds1 and here I was taking my third maternity leave. I also dreaded telling other people - but everyone was really positive and excited about it - I think there were a couple of negative comments made behind my back but not by anyone who mattered. Lots more people are having 3 children these days I think.

DS3 is now almost 7 weeks old and I couldn't be happier. It has been so easy going from 2 to 3 - he's just fit right in. The older 2 are really besotted and so lovely with him. I keep saying to dh that I can't believe how easy it's been as this is when it should be hardest and I remember it being harder when ds2 was a baby. And it's not because ds3 is an easy baby - he's not been - but still its been fine.

My problem now is despite wondering for ages whether I wanted 3 children, I've enjoyed these last few weeks so much that I'm now really sad about this being my last. When the GP said at my 6 week check that she could refer me or dh for sterilisation/the snip I just thought no that's too permanent. Practically though 3 is our max - unless we win the lottery.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

[Saggarmakersbottomknocker]

FB - this thread has brought back some memories When I found out I was expecting a much wanted dc3 I promptly burst intp tears and went into a complete panic about having 3 under 5. It would have been OK had I not been in a packed chemist's at the time.

You will be fine, it's hectic but fine. 3 is a great number - much better than 2. And the worst thing about telling people was that, having two boys already, they assumed I was trying for a girl which couldn't have been further from the truth (although it was what I got )

[Heartmum2Jamie]

Fairybasslet, I am pretty much feeling the same way you are. I am 8 1/2 weeks with number 3, a much wanted, and planned baby. Withing days of the euphoria of getting a positive test wearing off, I felt like having panick attacks at the prospect of having 3 children. I still have days now where I think "OMG, what have I done?" or "I have royally **ed up this time". We have yet to tell people, not because we are worried about thier reactions, but becasue we want to be sure all is fine first and I quite like the secret. I am sure it will all be fine and I will laugh when I think back to these early weeks and how scared and worried I was.

[accessorizequeen]

I'm 12 weeks, and still having panic attacks every few days about dealing with them all! But I do keep trying to imagine the new dc as part of our family when I look at photos etc and that's helping. The more concrete I am about the baby, the better I feel, it's the theory of it that's making me panic and perhaps you too FairyB? We can't cope with the 'unknown' but make it known (iyswim) and it's manageable. Now can't wait to have my scan if I ever get a date so I can see this baby as a real person and not a 'problem'.

[Saggarmakersbottomknocker]

Hello HM2J - glad to hear that things are OK with you You'll get the 'trying for a girl' comments too no doubt. Speak soon. x