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Pregnancy

Can grief hurt my baby?

19 replies

jothedorsetgirl1987 · 21/08/2014 05:26

Hi all Im new to this forum, but I joined because Im going through hell and need some advice!!

This evening we were driving to my parents house and we stopped at a services to let the dog out for a wee. When my oh opened the car door something spooked her and she bolted onto the motorway and was hit by a truck! Its now 5am and I have been up all night crying, I feel like my heart is torn. She really was my best friend :(

I am 18 weeks pregnant tomorrow and so now on top of feeling like my world has been torn apart Im terrified the stress and lack of sleep might hurt my baby! I have a private gender scan booked for Saturday (oh birthday) but Im so worried about my little bump :( plus im not feeling movement yet and bump hasn't got hard yet its just bigger and squishy!!

Has anyone been in a similar position before and been ok? I couldn't cope loosing my fur baby and real baby.... :(

OP posts:

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MildDrPepperAddiction · 21/08/2014 05:37

Firstly, so sorry for your loss. It's so sad.

Secondly, baby will be fine. I lost my cousin when preg with DS. DH insisted I go to doc to check he was ok (15 wks) and she said baby would not be affected. I'm sure your baby us fine.

Halfling · 21/08/2014 05:38

Nature has ensured that the babies in our womb are nourished and well protected from stress and grief. If you are very worried about no movement, I would recommend seeking medical help. You must be so heart broken. Sending hugs xxx

Rockinghorse123 · 21/08/2014 05:46

I'm really sorry about your dog, What an awful shock for you, it's only natural that you will be upset try not to worry about baby too much I'm sure they're fine. Do try and get some sleep though OP, although what has happened is terrible everything is easy to cope with when you've had a good night's sleep.

I'm by no means an expert but I didn't feel ds until around 20 weeks. I think that's quite normal especially with first pregnancies.

I hope you manage to get some sleep and feel calmer in the morning

Rockinghorse123 · 21/08/2014 05:49

*easier not easy

jothedorsetgirl1987 · 21/08/2014 06:27

Thankyou I'm just running over in my head if I could have grabbed her or stopped her (I was in the shop when it happened) my oh ran after her and tried to call her back but she was too spooked and ran into the road!!

This is my first pregnancy so its reassuring to know it can be normal not to feel movement yet!! Here is hoping Saturday brings happy news and we can start to move on without my little girl :(

I haven't slept but I will try again for a bit.....

OP posts:

cathpip · 21/08/2014 06:38

Am very sorry about your dog, please don't worry about your baby. My twin sister was 20 weeks pregnant with twins when my dd died, she spent 2weeks up with my family helping me and my two boys (5 and 10days) went home and got checked out by mw. Everything fine and twins are due by section on the 29th August, text book twin pregnancy. Again am very sorry about your dog.

Mistyautumn · 21/08/2014 06:40

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss.

But your bubba will be fine. I lost my dad when I was around 21 weeks. It's hard but you have to focus on baby a bit. Make sure you eat properly and try to get some sleep. And don't beat yourself up about it too much (hard to do I know). The reason we love our pets is because they are independent beings that choose to spend their love and affection on us. If a dog, cat or hamster decides it is going to do something there is nothing you can do about it.

Xxxxx

Aciderwouldbenice · 21/08/2014 06:47

I lost my horse at 17 weeks pregnant, I had to make the decision to have her pts and stayed with her. I was in a complete state, but baby fine.
I am so sorry about your dog

CherryLips1980 · 21/08/2014 06:50

I'm so sorry about your dog xx

dreamingofwineandcheese · 21/08/2014 06:52

So sorry for your loss

We lost one of our beloved dogs when I was pg with DS and I was around 18 weeks. It was really awful and I spent a lot of time really upset but DS is now a happy and healthy 2 year old.

Be kind to yourself it will get better and baby will be fine.

birdofthenorth · 21/08/2014 07:21

So sorry about your dog that's horrendous.

Like everyone else says, your baby will be fine. Do try to eat normally if you possibly can (it doesn't matter if it's not huge amounts for a few days).

I also wouldn't worry about not feeling kicks yet and not having a hard bump. That's perfectly normal at 18 weeks for a first pregnancy. If you still have no flutters by your 20 week scan you could mention it, but you're totally within the realm of normal. Good luck with your private scan, I'm sure it will be lovely x

toots123 · 21/08/2014 07:32

Sorry for your loss. Its so hard losing a part of the family.
im 18 weeks tomorrow too and haven't felt baby move yet and it seems to be normal. Most friends didnt feel anything until around 21 weeks with their first.
Also my bumlt is getting harder but still not the pregnancy bump it should be, these things take time. Relax and enjoy your scan on Saturday x

toots123 · 21/08/2014 07:32

Bump*

LittlePeasMummy1 · 21/08/2014 09:25

Just wanted to say so very sorry about your dog..

Acorncat · 21/08/2014 10:06

I did a bit of reading on this after losing my best friend and my cat while pregnant, seems like it shouldn't have an effect on baby. So sorry about your dog, it must have been an awful shock.

squizita · 21/08/2014 14:03

No.

Much of the "stress hurts your baby" is exaggerated and a hangover from the post war "get women out of the workplace" push where it was emphasised as a reason why married women were better off at home.
The only reputable findings (which showed a slight increase in childhood anxiety- which could have been nurture after birth) focused on women in tornado season in unsafe homes, who had already experienced that terror. Phenomenal stress levels over months.

There are 1000s of women pregnant after loss (or losses) for whom the whole 9 months is an emotional rollercoaster. There are women who have depression and babies. There are women in war zones and refugees who have babies.

It is terribly sad about your dog. But try not to worry about your pregnancy.

squizita · 21/08/2014 14:05

At 18 weeks movement wouldn't be regular anyway: baby is too small. You only feel him/her when they swim up to the edge... There is room to hide! Many women won't have felt !movement at all yet.

ACM88 · 21/08/2014 14:09

Just wanted to send hugs xx

I have always had dogs/cats and it's devastating when anything happens to them!!

I'm sure baby will be fine. I'm just behind you on 17weeks and bump changes, sometimes feels hard, sometimes just squishy and fat. I asked midwife and she said it's mostly water retention and womb expanding, as baby is only size of pepper at this point. Do ask questions at your scan if you are worried.

Best of luck xx

fluzle · 21/08/2014 14:14

Sorry for your sad and stressful time. I had an extremely stressful pregnancy with my second - one thing after another for the whole 9 months - and was terrified that the poor little mite would be an emotional wreck as a result. She is in fact the happiest and most easygoing two year old, after being a very content baby, so I certainly don't think that the stress felt by the mother can be transferred. Take good care of yourself anyway though

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