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Making friends with babies...

8 replies

ohthegoats · 01/08/2014 08:46

... I moved to a new town in February. I've been pregnant the whole time we've been here (which defeated the object of moving somewhere with better nightlife and social options, but never mind). I have a couple of worky type friends here, but that's it. My close friends are 40 minutes away, as are my family. My partner is sort of pushing me into making friends. He makes friends easily, which recently has been helped by normal things like going to the pub with people. Obviously I can't do that in quite the same way right now. When the baby is out I'll play hockey again, I'll go to gym classes properly etc.

We've done nct, and I've been to aquanatal with the other women, two of whom I would like outside of the baby in common thing, but the actual bit of 'making friends' just feels so forced and awkward.

I guess my question is, how important is it to make friends while I'm still pregnant? I'm much happier alone than boyfriend is, and also my close mates aren't far away. I'm tired, I don't feel like 'me', I just don't really want to feel panicked about finding friends right now. There'll be lots of more natural options once I'm out and about with a baby right?

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JustGotMyBabyOnBoardBadge · 01/08/2014 09:05

Don't panic - I'm in a similar boat and just about to do NCT so hopefully I like some of them :) After the baby is born there are so many baby groups that you will be able to join when you are back to yourself :) Remember not long now you won't have 'me time' so much any more so really cherish the time you have to yourself before then.....

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S1eepflower · 01/08/2014 09:05

I've lived in the same town all my life, but I'm pretty anti social, in fact, completely. Don't think I've seen a "friend" In months (the ones I did have all go out drinking and on the pull, I don't know any couples, well I did, they all broke up!). All I see is my colleagues. My fella is the same, has a couple of long time friends he texts and sees but doesn't do anything without me. Been told we are a weird couple, never spent a night apart in years...etc, we just only have each others company. Been told it's unhealthy but we couldn't care less :)

I however started thinking about what this means for my baby that I have no friends, nevermind ones with babies/children. Fella reassured me that I will be forced into such situations with the baby, i.e go to all the classes I can when baby is born (although the midwife telling him about dads-only classes made him worry! lol)

Everyone is different, I'm sure it'll happen naturally. :) Either that or it'll be a baby hermit like us (just kidding)

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ohthegoats · 01/08/2014 09:26

I think the problem for me, is that 40 minutes isn't that far away. Like my SIL said '40 minutes is in a baby's sleep cycle, just chuck them in the car and come on over'... she's right really.

I do want to make some friends, but 'organically' (sorry for cheesy word), rather than in a forced sort of way. Don't get me wrong, a couple of NCT women are pretty cool - interesting people, but again I think those friendships will develop naturally if they are to develop at all.

It's a bit weird that our NCT births are spread out over 9 weeks - some are due in a fortnight, I'm not due until the end of September, so probably won't be with baby until mid October. By which point some of the NCT ones will have 2 month old babies and into different things.

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kkllww · 01/08/2014 09:31

Don't force yourself if you don't fancy it. As others have said, there will be plenty of baby groups you can join if you want when the baby's here (although tbh I personally never formed any strong friendships there as sometimes the only link is that you both have a small person depending on you). If you have neighbours with little ones, you could invite them over for a bbq and see if you gel? But if you don't want to at the moment, don't - you'll make friends naturally over time.

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hubbahubster · 01/08/2014 09:54

I found it easier to make friends once baby arrived. It all seemed a bit false beforehand, but once you all have babies then you have tons of stuff to compare notes on! I went to a few baby groups once DC1 was about 2-3 months old and am still friends with the mummies (he's now 3). Don't feel pressured to buddy-up now if you don't want to, there will be plenty of chances after the birth and by then you'll be desperate for adult company and people who don't judge you for smelling of sour milk

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museumum · 01/08/2014 10:06

I found it far easier in the early weeks to meet up with people I met during pregnancy than I would have to go to a new "baby group" and make new friends.

I didn't feel much like me when pregnant but I felt a LOT less like me when ds was only a few weeks old. Really up to about 12 weeks. In those weeks meeting mums I met during pregnancy was a life saver. I also would not have wanted to drive 40mins for the first few weeks and friends who had CS couldn't drive for six weeks!

Go to pregnancy things that are more "you" - I am sporty and did two different pregnancy yoga classes and aqua natal. I met mum friends who I now go for a regular weekly run with, and we take the babies out on bikes together. I am not a signing / music group person so that sort of group would feel very artificial to me.

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museumum · 01/08/2014 10:10

The spread of births is quite nice too. I met up with a friend with a 3wk old the week before I gave birth, then I took ds to meet another friend when he was about 2wks and she was 40+ weeks and waiting. That bit is all quite nice I think - nothing is more absorbing than those weeks around the birth and conversations with normal friends who haven't had a baby are a bit odd - "no, I haven't had it yet, yes I'm excited, no I can't make plans for next week/month, yes I am nervous too, yes everything's ready...."

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ohthegoats · 01/08/2014 10:15

I'm going to carry on with aquanatal - it was a lovely evening out actually, lots of chat afterwards with cake and hot chocolate (never a bad thing), but meh to things like just going for coffee - I'm not a 'hanging out' type person in normal life, I don't want to do it now either. Boyfriend told me that this is odd and 'hanging out' is what people do - personally I just find people sitting around on my sofa, or facing me in a pub, a little awkward. I'd much rather we 'DO' something.