Pregnancy superstition

[MrsVonBlack13]

Sorry if this sounds like a rant but it's not meant to come across this way.

I have been told not to do so many things for fear of loosing my baby and they are all rubbish!

I have been told not to buy anything for my baby- why not? Yes something can happen but I think it's horrible for a woman to then blame them self for getting excited and buying a baby grow?

I have been told not to tell anyone - this I understand as it's more to do with the telling if many people and upset of recurring sadness when someone didn't know. On that note though there are people who have no option. I am 6 weeks pg and I'm huge! It's all gas but I've been asked a few times already and I don't think I'll be able to wait til that 12 weeks mark.

I think that these superstitions are actually dangerous as I have a friend who nearly lost her relationship as she blamed her fb for the loss of her baby. He was excited and told some people.

Superstitions are silky ladies so I thought I'd just share that yes you can be cautious and I understand why but please don't fear for your baby if you bring home a bargain or blurt it out accidentally to a friend.


Fx to everyone for a happy healthy pg and beautiful healthy babies :)

[squizita]

The reason you don't buy things very early isn't just superstition: if you have a loss, it may hit you very hard. Baby stuff you then have to get rid of or put in the attic can make you feel awful (after losses many women end up needing counselling etc' as it is).

Telling people won't change anything or jinx anything and it's really useful to only tell people who wouldn't put their foot right in it if there was a problem IYSWIM. The last thing you need is an annoying half-friend telling you miscarriage old wives tales (usually "it was your fault" in some way) if something did happen - or if all is well smugly saying "oh well I just pop babies out" when you're in the middle of morning sickness.

I know some people see these as pure superstition, which is of course ridiculous.
But there is some practical value to thinking about who you tell when.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

I didn't buy anything until after the 20 week scan incase something was wrong, nothing to do with superstition.

I can't think of anything worse than coming home to a load of baby stuff that you have to put away again.

And I've had an early mc.

[Alita7]

I agree with squizita before the 12 week mark they're not superstition it's in case something goes wrong.

what I think is silly is people telling you not to have a push chair in the house until babies born... im going to need it as it's a travel system so ill have to have my car seat! The only reason it's not being delivered until October (due 6 November) is that it would take up space!

[LittlePeaPod]

I had a mc last March, prior to having DD. I felt exactly like you. I had bought some baby things and told a few people. I can assure you that if you have a mc, all those things you buy hurt like hell every time you look at them. Also having to tell people you have mc is extremely difficult so my advise the less people know the better. Particularly when you consider on average one in four pregnancies before the 12 week mark end in a mc.

On another note, I never used anything I bought for the first, lost baby on DD. I threw it all away.

Congratulations op and I wish you well throughout your pregnancy.

[Missingcaffeine]

Before 12 weeks, miscarriage is extremely common (1 in 3 - though not all of these will realise they are pregnant). People do not realise how common miscarriage is as it's something that even your best friend may not share with you. As each week goes on, the risk of miscarriage decreases dramatically and by 12 weeks if you have a good scan, you can consider the high risk period over.
If I had miscarried, the sight of beautiful baby things would have made it a million times harder. I don't agree with superstition, but I think these facts need to be considered when you decide whether to tell people or not, and whether to buy things or not.
I also know my mum would have been equally devastated had I miscarried so I waited as long as I could manage to tell her (only managed until 8 weeks). I wanted my mum to know first, but once I'd told her, I told those very close to me, i.e. anyone I'd also be comfortable them knowing if I did miscarry.
I hope this doesn't make you feel sad, and I congratulate you and wish you all the best with your pregnancy.

[MrsVonBlack13]

I worded that wrong ladies I completely understand what you are saying. Of course that would be hard and I feel for the women who have been in that situation.

I was talking about the women who actually do say that if you bring items into your home you will loose your child. I have been told by 3 ladies ( all family) that have told me not bring anything baby related into my house as I will loose the baby. Not an I case but a you will!!! Which I think is ridiculous.

Again very sorry I worded that wrongly x

[Gennz]

I told lots of people before the 12 week mark and I wouldn't do it if we have another baby. My mum & sister called me every day at work to talk about "the baby" (totally annoying & awkward when you haven't told work!) and although everything's gone well so far (now 23 weeks), seeing 3 friends who were due round the same time as me lose their pregnancies (one ectopic, one miscarriage, one 12 week scan with dire results ending in a termination) made me realise how laissez faire we'd been about telling people.

I wasn't super attached to the "baby" early on (still find it hard to compute that I have a human growing inside me!), particularly pre 12 weeks. I think I would have been sad but not heartbroken about a miscarriage (first pregnancy), but I would not have enjoyed telling people and dealing with their reactions if that makes sense.

I do think superstitions are a bit silly e.g. no pram in the house etc ( we had cot, changing table, buggy, capsule all purchased by 20 weeks!) - but imagine how heartbreaking it would be to lose your pregnancy and then have to sort out all those things. I'm not generally superstititious but as we parted with $$$ for the Bugaboo I did have a twinge of "f#ck I hope nothing goes wrong!"

[Alita7]

The thing is that people who miscarry often look for anyone and anything to blame for a blameless tragedy as part of the grieving process. At one point I was convinced that I'd caused it because I cut my hair into a bob and after them mc remembered that dp had told me he'd seen a girl who looked just like me but with shorter hair crying on a bus... so for a short time I thought I'd in acted a prophecy by cutting my hair! So I can see why people who buy lots might think that's why they miscarried.

[squizita]

Alita unfortunately there is also a really weird streak in British (and American) culture of 'victim blaming'. People don't know they're doing it.
My own father kept asking me if I drank, ate banned cheese etc' after my losses, then in frustration asked 'why do they keep happening then?'
At work people kept telling me to contact my union- it must have been something H&S I did not realising (it wasn't).

Generally there are so many old wives tales (e.g. don't exercise, which we now know is wrong) which are there purely as a psychological 'thing to blame' if something goes wrong- which, even in these days of DNA most losses are a mystery.

Then at the extreme end is superstition. From the days when they didn't even know what DNA or lysteria were...

[Roseblossom2]

I'm 15w1d, told family at 8 weeks (which was actually 7 weeks) told work at 12 weeks straight after my scan (Although my boss knew early as I had to go to emergency docs as I was bleeding) And me and my fella are going to buy some clothes and bits this weekend.

I started a thread yesterday about buying things, all people who were happy said "go for it" those who had had MC said no don't... and told me how it feels to go back to the things you've bought after losing a baby, hindsight is a wonderful thing.. but still.. they bought things too x

following the "rules" won't make anything happen any differently. I feel like waiting to buy things and do things is not acknowledging my little treasure.. I want to appreciate all the time I have with baby, I wish I hadn't have worried so much in the beginning.

[Roseblossom2]

Everyone should do what they feel and not based on other people's judgement or experiences... we all think too much about what other people have done/are doing. I'm guilty of that myself :) We all know what feels right to us :) xx

[CultureSucksDownWords]

MrsVonBlack, the only response to women who tell you that you will lose your baby if you bring baby things into the house should be - "don't be so bloody ridiculous!".

And then don't invite them round again.

[Roseblossom2]

Good response Culture!. (Strange I just changed my username from sleepflower to this then see another manics name! ;) )

[kitkat321]

I've had 2 mc's and didn't buy a thing until the 20 week scan - and was soo angry when my mum bought some vests.

It wasn't superstition but just now wanting the pain of having to deal with baby items if something happened again.

Even now I've not bought much - travel system and nursery furniture ordered but I haven't bought a thing other than that and won't for a while. My mother on the other hand is having a field day!

[Heatherbell1978]

The only superstition I've heard is around not having the pram in the house but we got the pram delivered the first day of my mat leave when I was 35 wks and it's been sitting in the kitchen ever since. I need to practice collapsing it and lifting the carrycot on and off! I'm sure I read somewhere that it's based on a time years ago when infant mortality rates were a lot higher or something......but obviously time moves on. I personally didn't buy anything until after the 20 wk scan but I had an early m/c before getting pregnant again so I was naturally a bit cautious for the first few months.

[squizita]

I can't buy big stuff until the room we're using for the baby is decorated- we had disaster after disaster (heating, plastering, carpet ruined...) so it's delayed it somewhat.
I'm not superstitious someone cursed Wickes own brand paint!! Said to DH "this never happens when we use Dulux!"

[splendide]

I'm not at all superstitious but haven't bought anything yet and I'm 28 weeks. I have had a few gifts already though.

[WaffleWiffle]

With my first three children, I told everyone as soon as I'd had the positive pregnancy test.

With my fourth pregnancy, I told everyone as soon as I'd had the positive pregnancy test. Then discovered at the 12 week scan that the baby was not growing and had no heartbeat.

Having to publically tell everyone I knew that I was not pregnant anymore (including my 3 children) was horrible.

Fifth pregnancy I learnt. I told no one and bought nothing until about 16 weeks. Infact I did my best not to think about being pregnant at all for the first trimester.