Anxiety flaring up- movement

[squizita]

Ugh.

My pregnancy anxiety is flaring up again. Anyone else get this? This time it's to do with counting kicks and movement.

I was doing so well. I was following my MW and consultant's guidelines for monitoring closely without freaking out, and had the count the kicks wristband. Using their website as a good sensible guide as they kind of run the whole movement monitoring thing. Then I read online how much advice seems to vary about what 'reduced movement' is and some people don't count movement after they've eaten (which is when mine is most active) in case it's just wind...

E.g. today I have had roughly the same number of flurries of movement as usual (about 7 by now) - I tend to count a cluster of small kicks/wriggles or 2 or 3 big ones as 'one'.
But all I can think of is "but what if one of those was wind?" or "Are you sure you felt that?" (I did! And my belly flipping wobbled) or "OMG when did I last feel movement?!" (like 20 minutes ago, quite normal).
Today I'm obsessing trying to compare the ratio of wriggles to kicks (which both NHS and Count The Kicks says is irrelvant- deliberate obvious movement is deliberate movement). I spend most of my time on my left side rubbing my belly baby must be sick of it and just want a nap it's impinging on my life.

Totally obsessed that I am too lax and this is endangering my baby.
Don't want to admit this is anxious behaviour because I keep thinking I will go to far the other way and cause a problem.

[Buffy81]

have you spoken to your mw about it? i have been to the hospital today as i have had reduced movement and everything was fine and i am 37+4.

how far along are you? as depending on how far you are, you wont be able to feel regular movements/patterns yet. the hospital or midwife would rather you ring them as its their job

[squizita]

Buffy As I said in my OP this is a mental health issue to do with previous losses.

I'm 34 weeks with established movement. I get myself worked up into believing movement I can feel and other people can even see- you know, full on ripples/feet is just gas! I don't move on my kick counting bracelet because I'm "not sure".

I lie for upwards of 5 hours daily on my left hand side.

This is not normal behaviour. It is triggered by people on the internet saying stuff way above the respected HCP sources (e.g. 'don't trust any movement after food' which is wrong) and my history of miscarriage.

But the perenatal psych team have not got anyone who can see me before I am due.

[weebairn]

Take care squizita. With your history it's very natural to feel so anxious, but, as you say, it sounds like it's getting a bit obsessive and unhelpful at this point.
I wonder if you could see your gp or midwife even if a referral to psych would take too long? Sometimes a sympathetic and pragmatic ear can help a little bit.

Are you still working? If not maybe distracting yourself by going out would be better than lying in the house worrying- and Google is never helpful... But I know it's hard when it's so hot!

Take care, eh.

[squizita]

Thanks.

Yep I am going to force myself to go outside.

Kicking myself because I was being soo good about obsessing.

Right now baby is hoofing my ribs as she does every day after tea like clockwork. DH has helpfully told me "it's moving like something out of Alien" so deffo not just wind! :)

I can only describe it like the world's worst case of "did I leave the iron on?" worry but about something far more life/death in nature.

[mssleepyhead]

Squizita - I really sympathise. I perhaps don't feel the anxiety as strongly as you but I completely recognise the "I left the iron on" feeling. I feel like I spend all of my time waiting to feel him move, and won't go out to do anything unless I've felt him before I go out. It made me late to meet someone today! Very hard to explain that I was late because I was eating ice lollies on the sofa trying to wake my poor baby, who I'm sure just wanted to sleep! I keep telling my husband I just want him to be born so it's not all my responsibility any more, because I worry so much that I'm missing something and that if something's wrong it will be my fault for not noticing. The pressure is so great sometimes I find myself overcome by it all and not able to do anything but lie and wait for him to move. Now I'm on maternity leave on the one hand it's better because I have the time to concentrate on him (and he seems to be moving more, probably because I'm quieter) but on the other it's worse because I can spend forever lying trying to get him to move.
Anyway. I have no solution, obviously. You just asked does anyone else get this, and yes, I do : )
Hopefully soon we'll be able to see those wriggles on the outside and we'll have a whole load of new anxieties to worry about!

[squizita]

Thanks! :) She was giving me a right rib-hoofing earlier and now there have been a few visible ripples too. Momentary sanity haha!
I actually said to DH "but how do I know when I'm asleep..?" today.
He was like "you gotta sleep. Everyone has to sleep."

[Redling]

I've found that If you went off you read on the internet you would believe that about 50% of pregnancys had problems/were in danger etc, most forums are (naturally, as people tend to post about problems) skewed towards bad stories, losses, the times when things went wrong. I can only imagine if you have health anxiety it must be awful. So maybe stepping away from it for a few days would be better? Having read your posts for a couple of months now it seems you are having a healthy pregnancy with lots of monitoring to prevent things going wrong, so time to focus on that and not on what ifs might be beneficial? Easier said then done I know, I don't suffer from the issues you do. But try to concentrate on the part of your mind that knows that a hoof in the ribs ain't wind!

[weebairn]

How are you feeling today squizita?

I hope you get out the house and do something nice for "you" today - go to a nice cafe and read a book or something.

I listened to a lot of hypnobirthing near the end of my last pregnancy. It's a bit fluffy (I certainly don't think it made my labour any less painful!) but it's very relaxing and I found it comforting listening to the ladies calm voice telling me how everything would be ok, it made me very chilled for the last few weeks of pregnancy I think, and I felt very safe during labour even though it was hard and painful. If you're lying down a lot waiting for movements anyway maybe listening to something reassuring would be nice? Or some yoga nidra or something. Though I think going out shopping or seeing some mates might be better :)

I do wonder if this anxiety has been very persistent whether it might be worth making an appointment with your doctor though. There are also plenty of things you can get in a tizz worrying about once the baby is out so it's not necessarily just a "pregnancy" problem if you see what I mean!!

Anyway just checking in and hoping you're feeling better today :)

[parallax80]

How are you doing today?

[squizita]

Much better thanks for asking. Going out now (errands - fun fun fun NOT but it will distract me so useful. Might also take DH for lunch at a cafe so I can have cake for lunch ).

As usual my count the kicks band is up to the normal number for the time of day. Have also reminded myself that if is see a massive kick, but it feels like a tickle (anyone else get this? The full foot out, but feels so light in some places) it's not a weak kick, it's no nerves on that bit of my stretched out belly!

[LePetitPont]

Glad to hear you are feeling more reassured today, Squitza, and that the little one is having a good old visible wriggle about.

I am not sure about pregnancy anxiety, but can you run through any general anxiety visualisation or cbt techniques around spirals of negative thought to help you stay in control? It's so horrible when your mind just won't settle.

[squizita]

Yeah I have been using CBT but someone (100% unwittingly, not knowing my history) gave me a huge trigger about pregnancy loss about 48 hrs ago.
Basically told me I was being too lax and placing myself at risk of stillbirth by following NHS/Count the Kicks advice and not allowing myself to obsess and over question everything.