not sure if its in the right place but

[frankiebuns]

Soz if its in the wrong place but, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my older brother cannot shut up about this baby being disabled or downs, as far as we know she's perfect and from day one I wasn't going to have the nuchal test done as both me and midwife cannot be sure whn I concieved as my periods are everywhere and I couldn't give a monkeys if my daughter is disabled downs etc, but this is a daily subject for my brother which I see most days, he keeps asking first in early days if there was a problem would I abort (absolutly not it took us long enough to cocieve and we were told that I couldn't naturally) and now he's turned to saying adoption is best if I can't cope, tbh I dnt care what he thinks I've told him hundreds of times his reply is it doesn't matter anyway I doubt I'll bond with her I prefer your son and he's my mate yes my ds sees uncle a lot but that hurts. Not sure what reply I'm after but just need a rant. My mum was surprised I didntg have the nuchal test as I did with son I'm older woman and problems are a high factor but it doesn't bother me or the rest of the family

[Gen35]

You and the rest of your family need to tell him every time he makes a comment about the baby like that that his comments are unwelcome and inappropriate. Sounds awful op. If he keeps doing it ultimately I'd stop seeing him.

[LBNM19]

I think your brother is being completely out of order and very rude suggesting there may be something wrong when there is no evidence.

Regardless of age anyone can have a disabilled child I was 21 when I had my son who is now 2 and he has a genetic condition he cannot walk/sit up. We adore him.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd who doesn't have the same condition we had a CVS test which is also personal choice but I no if I decided not to and anyone kept suggesting the baby I was carrying was bound to be disabilled id be offended and upset.

Your life, your descion, just tell him he is being very rude and you don't want him saying these things to you anymore: if he still carries on i would stop seeing him! x

[frankiebuns]

Tbh not seeing him is not an option as he lives at my parents (he's 34) and they are my spport network, he's always v negative when I had my son 2 days later he bought a new car, this time he says he's going to buy a new top of the range camera as a look what I got! I'he had enough of him I spose he means well but really

[Gen35]

You should talk to your parents and present a united front about not tolerating this language. He sounds like a horrible immature tosser, sorry to hear it! x

[GailLondon]

He sounds like a nightmare! Going out and buying a car because he was jealous of the attention you and the baby were getting? Very childish behaviour.
And if I'm reading correctly, he is 34 and your older brother? So you are early 30's at most? So you definitely don't need to worry about your age putting you at high risk for Down's syndrome etc, early 30's is not a high risk age at all.

[frankiebuns]

I have a old womb very close to menopause, he loves attention in one way or another he does amateur photographry he went on holday and he said he had got the contract to do the photos down there, he hadn't he just got permission to take them, tbh he's a nigbtmare and wants to muscle in on everything he even asked if he could be there for birth I told him where to go! That just creeped me out!

[SilverLinings2014]

Sounds like he's jealous of you and what he probably perceives to be your perfect life (whilst he's still living at home, presumably single, at 34) and is trying to undermine your confidence and happiness.

I'd be tempted to tell him to sort his own life out before commenting rudely about other peoples lives and choices. Understand he's family though so that may be hard to do.

Can you try to minimise how much you see him if you can thin him out totally? I'd also be worried about the affect his behaviour has on DS and new baby...they shouldn't be exposed to that kind of attitude.

[squizita]

How awful and utterly insensitive.

Even as an older (35-45+) mum the odds of disability are very low, 1% or less.

He sounds like there is an emptiness in his life, he wants to muscle in on your big news. Maybe thinks if you're worried about a problem he can be there to lean on... but he doesn't realise most likely NO PROBLEM and he's being weird!!

If at all keep your distance.
And IME politely challenge any 'off' comments so he knows they are inappropriate (without being rude, then he can't write it off as hormones) e.g. "Well luckily the midwife says my baby looks fine on scans" etc'. She says coming from a family with its fair share of interfering naysayers.

[squizita]

BTW risk and general nick of the womb isn't what affects Down's risk.
E.g. I am a mid-30s (towards the end of mid 30s shall we say) recurrent miscarrier with a health condition and my nuchal test (had it due to previous trisomy issue) came in at 9000+/1 ... it's just the egg that got the sperm that day!

[frankiebuns]

Thankyou everyone, its impossible to avoid him! He's either at work or on the internet till early hours I'm crashing at my mums whilst hubby is on nights as I dnt feel safe at night just incase i pop and he finds it no prob to go on the computer behind my head till 1am, listening to stupid funny songs or other things! I do want to tell him where to go but tbh I'm his only friend in my mums eyes

[kkllww]

He is completely out of order. I was shocked to read he was 34; when you wrote what he'd been saying, I was thinking it was an immature teenager! I agree with the other posters that he sounds jealous and doesn't have much going on in his own life. I would have a word with your parents so they can also clamp down on his nasty remarks and make him realise it's unacceptable.