I am 29 weeks with DC4, and we live at the opposite end of the country to all our relatives, so no family support. DC are 7, 5 and 2.
Normally this is just merely annoying, but when it comes to medical emergencies or preterm labour, we're going to have a situation.
I'm getting an ELCS for very definite medical reasons. However despite my medical history of early, as in 35-38 weeks, precipitous labour (being in labour for long would actually kill us both through uterine rupture as the exit is sewn shut!) and my babies all being big for dates and absolutely 100% fine at those gestations, my consultant is not open to an ELCS before 39 weeks. NICE guidelines you know funny how they never apply them to other things. My last consultant at another hospital allowed me 38+2 which I reached.
Obviously that's a concern of sorts, especially as the nearest hospital that could do a c-section (fortunately also my delivery hospital) is 30 minutes away even on a good day.
However the thing that worries me more is childcare logistics. Understandably we don't want DH to miss the birth, but also he'd need to allow at least 90 minutes to get to me in the event of an emergency if he's at work or there is nobody to take the DC.
My mother (or a nanny) will take the DC on the scheduled section date, but if I don't get that far, then what?
We're fairly new to the area, only moved here just over a year ago. My oldest two are at school but only been attending their current one since April and I've not really had a chance to get very close to any of the other parents.
A few have extremely kindly offered to take the older girls in an emergency, which is incredibly kind of them. I'm hoping we can sort something out for DS - we'd probably split the girls so as not to overload anyone and maybe he can go with one of them.
However I don't know how far I can push it. Whilst it's one thing for them to go home from school with them for a few hours, or even on a weekend, what happens if I need somebody at 3am? Or even 9pm?
I am HOPELESS at asking people for favours, I'm a proud sort and feel tremendously guilty asking for help with anything (understatement) and especially as this is DC4 I know people feel we have brought it on ourselves. So to ask people who I don't know very well if they mind being woken up at 3am to take some of my brood.. well, it's a big ask.
I have looked into emergency childcare but they're office hours only to ring, and they'd need a bit of notice. And I don't know how late they'd work either, certainly I can't imagine a nanny that would cover them late into the night even if they were already working. So while it would work out fine for DC3 if I went into labour in the morning or something, it isn't that useful for other times. I also figure there's a chance a nanny could pick them up from the hospital if needs be if I ended up there at 6am or something, but it might be too late by the time one is organised.
So after that essay, two questions:
- How reasonable of me is it to ask people if they mind a midnight (or similar!) delivery of small children? I mean, I'd be happy to for other people under normal circumstances i.e. not pregnant and mobility impaired, but I am not everybody.
- In the event of 4am disaster and nobody to take the DC and I have to have an emergency c-section.. assuming we're all at the hospital, is DH definitely going to miss the birth? What are our odds of somebody being available to watch them long enough for the surgery at least?
Thoughts welcome, and I'm especially interested to hear what others have done in the absence of family to take the DC!