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Pity party for me

(14 Posts)
BummyMummy77 Mon 30-Sep-13 23:30:13

Ok so I know there are worse situations to be in and I'm lucky to have a wonderful hubby who is very sweet, caring (and tolerant lol) but it's really getting me down having no other support.

I live in the US so have no family or friends here (not long moved) and am 35 weeks. I have in laws who are absolutely no help at all.

I know that it's my baby, nobody is obliged to help and I'm lucky to have dh but sometimes it really gets me down that not one person has offered a single bit of support, either emotionally or just asking if they can help walk our dog (sodding great 60 pound puppy who I can't manage anymore.) My in laws live less than five minutes away so even calling up and asking me over for a cup of tea would be appreciated.

I'm feeling in turns very lonely and weepy then really annoyed as I know when the baby is born everyone will be around constantly and want to be involved. It's childish but I'm feeling like I don't want them around immediately as they've shown absolutely NO interest throughout the whole pregnancy.

I guess it's worst as this is my first and REALLY miss my Mum (who'd have seen that one coming?!). I really wish I'd known how much friends and family matter and gone back to the UK to do this pregnancy.

Anyone else had a baby away from home or had a total lack of support?

Sammi1986 Mon 30-Sep-13 23:51:39

I've had neither since I told people, but before I conceived I had some pretty horrid comments.

I also know what it'sike to be lonely and have no one to talk to. So at risk of sounding like a right drip, I'm here!! Hi!! Xx

PinkWitch803 Tue 01-Oct-13 00:00:24

Are there any antenatal groups you could join near you?

BummyMummy77 Tue 01-Oct-13 00:26:28

Thanks. smile I wish I'd found this forum months ago!

Sorry you've had some horrid comments Sammi.

No antenatal groups. I live on an island in the middle of nowhere which is populated mostly by old people.

It's a HUGE change from working as a maternity nurse/nanny in London for 18 years and having every kind of group in the world to chose from.

Sammi1986 Tue 01-Oct-13 00:50:53

Ouch what a culture shock! What made you move? Xx

NatashaBee Tue 01-Oct-13 01:12:46

I'm in the US too. I found it really tough being pregnant here (sorry to steal your pity party smile), my in-laws were 12hrs drive away and my family and friends were all in the UK. There weren't really any pregnancy groups or classes, and mat leave is so short here that there wasn't very much in terms of mum and baby groups either. I can understand completely why you are finding it tough.

BummyMummy77 Tue 01-Oct-13 01:29:28

Welcome to the party lol.

Sammi - I worked over here for a few summers, fell in love, yada yada, moved last year. It is amazing but I just wish there were people!

Where are you in the US Natasha? Yeah it's weird about the lack of groups. Even if I hauled ass to the mainland there's just nothing going on. Maybe it's as you say because maternity leave is so short.

What made you move?

NatashaBee Tue 01-Oct-13 01:34:40

I'm in Michigan, my husband's job was transferred here... Would love to go back home but we have a house, a stepdaughter here and 4 cats so not quite that easy!

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle Tue 01-Oct-13 02:04:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This thread makes me shiver. We're trying for a baby - no success so far - but I'm worried about ending up struggling with no support network. DH's DM and stepfather would be super involved but they live a couple of hours away. His DF and stepmother live nearby but aren't the most reliable sort. I work so I know people, but I haven't made any real friends yet. sad I have to make this winter's goal getting out and meeting people.

Oh and I am in the US should have said that before

Sunnysummer Tue 01-Oct-13 03:00:02

Poor you! Do your in laws know how you feel? Mine are sweet but so keen to not intrude that it took me a while to realise that they were actually happy to help (unfortunately realised this AFTER the two week stay with us and a 3 month old DS, during which time they did not change one nappy, cook one meal or babysit for 10 minutes). When will your mum visit?

Poor you, hope you feel better soon and that the hospital helps you track down at least a few other new mums among the old people!

ILoveYouStephanieBassDrum Tue 01-Oct-13 03:18:53

I had a baby away from home, then I went home, then I came back again. I can't say it is any easier this time around. In some ways having little kids is easier as you meet more people. My children are in school and I feel lonely and lacking a support network. I am in NY, if anyone wants to get in touch! smile

BummyMummy77 Tue 01-Oct-13 03:37:11

Natasha - yep, we have 5 cats and a dog. Makes even visiting the UK for extended periods difficult.

Sunny, maybe they're giving me space. I should try again with them, I know dh feels hurt too at their lack of interest.

Unfortunately my Mum can't visits. My brother is severely disabled and there is nobody else to care for him. I'll be going there as soon as I feel he's old enough to brave the airplane germs, probably in January.

Terra, seriously, get out there while you can! I tried to make friends before I got pregnant but as I say they're all over 60. Lovely people but not really pop round and compare bulging veins and talk about when you got drunk last year and fell off the ski lift lol.

So there are a few ex pats here. It's nice to know you're not on your own. smile Why did you all move?

It's funny isn't it? I always thought I was really independent and liked my own company but a couple of months with no mates to moan with or family to feel warm and fuzzy around and you get a bit down. And I can see NY being hard to make friends. It took me a good 5 years in London to get a good bunch of mates.

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