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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Reactions when you tell people you pregnant? Like disrespectful comments.

100 replies

Sarahmains40 · 30/09/2013 17:32

Most people have been really happy for me. Funny a few people when I told them I'm pregnant they say well your not married or when are you getting married? Seriously it's 2013. I'm 27 and my OH is 29 we've been together for 10 years he is my only ever boyfriend and I love him dearly. We are engaged for about 3 years but just haven't got around to getting hitched. We bought a house together and renovated and invested a lot of money in to that. We work full time so in our free time we like to go on holidays etc. Before baby gets here lol.

To me money is better spent on other things than a wedding that I know will get totally out of control. (Nothing wrong with having a massive wedding just not for me )

We both decieded when we do get married we will do it in a registry office on the quite and cheap.

But after these comments I feel like my OH and I aren't seen as a proper couple. Tbh my relastionship is better than a lot of marriages I know.

It's the one thing I never thought would be a problem untill I've told people were having a baby.

OP posts:

Report

cathpip · 30/09/2013 17:40

"You need to invest in central heating" it's only dc3!

AhoyAhoy · 30/09/2013 17:48

I don't think you need to explain or justify yourself, and I certainly don't think you need to be married to want a child and be a good parent. (And I also think that money can well be better spent than on a big wedding- registry office with immediate family only for me)

Enjoy your time with your partner while it's just the two of you. Enjoy your remaining holidays, and good luck with your pregnancy.

DaleyBump · 30/09/2013 17:56

"Do you know who the father is?"

Sarahmains40 · 30/09/2013 18:00

Seriously Daley ? :o how would you even reply to that? I told people quite ealry on I'm 12 weeks now were I should be just telling people. Week 11 I've been hit with mad hormones and feel like arguring with any one. It's lucky I've had the crappy comments out way a few weeks ago. Or I may of lost my job or friends lol

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 30/09/2013 18:04

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you then as 1 in 4 early pregnancies end in MC.

Nice eh? I cried

DaleyBump · 30/09/2013 18:07

I just went "err, yes, he's my partner of four years and he's sitting in the waiting room ". I've had it a few times and I think it's because of my age (I'm 18).

Try not to focus on the horrible comments, some people just take pleasure in making others feel bad.

Natale28 · 30/09/2013 18:07

Sarah i just thought i'd say that i could have written your post! I'm 28 and my boyfriend is 29, we own a house, both have good jobs etc but some people are obsessed with the fact that we're not married! One person even said to me 'please tell me you're getting married before the baby arrives!' How rude! I'm a divorce solicitor and i could have come up with plenty of smart a**e responses but i think i was so shocked i just couldn't speak at the time! Some people need to realise that not being married does not mean your relationship is somehow unstable!

I think we should just ignore the negative people! Good luck with everything x

DaleyBump · 30/09/2013 18:08

Oh yeah, when I was in hospital with bleeding and they thought I was miscarrying (luckily I wasn't) one of the midwifes said to me "you're young, you can just have another."

AhoyAhoy · 30/09/2013 18:08

Seriously Valium?!! What kind of moron would say that!!

gintastic · 30/09/2013 18:10

"Is it the same father as the other 2?" when knocked up with no3. Um yes, that would be my husband?!?

Lostinspace1 · 30/09/2013 18:11

I'm in a similar situation and my Dad said 'what are you going to do when it all goes wrong?'....I said 'I think you mean, 'if' it goes wrong'.

You have to toughen up in pregnancy. I've had so many irritating comments its amazing. Mainly from parents and OH parents. Just let it all wash off you.

valiumredhead · 30/09/2013 18:13

Ahoy, my boss.

Jammyforeigner · 30/09/2013 18:13

It's pretty shit isn't it?!

I'm dreading breaking the news next month. Currently 8+3 with my second.

The worst comment I had was from DP grandmother. She told me "how dare you bring a bastard child into this family" I was too shocked to respond. I wish I had now. Funnily enough DD 2 absolutely adores her. Although in my hearts of hearts I know she will never fully accept her as a great granddaughter, firstly because she's a "bastard" child and secondly because she's mixed race. Anyway DD is very much loved and that is all that matters.

Sleepthief · 30/09/2013 18:17

Some people are thick, some people speak before they think, some people are downright unpleasant... I disabused DS1 recently of the belief that you have to be married to procreate (I think he thought you could physically get pregnant if you weren't married ). He was 8, though...

enormouse · 30/09/2013 18:22

Some of these are shocking and that's so sad for her jammy, that she can't see past that awful viewpoint.

From the random woman that turned up to do a consumer survey about soft drinks this morning.
Her - 'is he your only child?' (Indicating ds)
Me - 'no, I'm expecting another boy next January'
Her - 'oh, right…are you going to have another after that? You know. See if you can get a girl?'
Me - '……no.'

She had a few more gems to offer but I hustled her out soon after.

Charingcrossbun · 30/09/2013 18:26

I agree - no need to explain or justify yourself.

The weird one I've had a lot and from people I don't know very well is "Were you trying?" Or "was it expected?"
How do I answer that? Do people really want an answer? It's actually a really personal question..
"Yes we've been at it regularly and I stuck my legs in the air and cycled Like Victoria Pendleton after we did the deed" or "No the condom split, completely freaked out and worried life will never be the same again".
So far I've just mumbled a not really/we're really pleased etc

LittleLight82 · 30/09/2013 18:29

DP and I aren't married, though living together in a very happy and secure relationship, but because of the lack of the "ring finger positive" sign people seemed to think that we'd gotten caught out. I now preempt this with "yes WE DECIDED TO TRY SO WE'RE ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED". I'd been on the pill for the preceding eight years- I know how contraception works people! (No offense to anyone who has been caught out- nothing is 100%, I just hate the automatic assumptions!)

honey86 · 30/09/2013 18:31

'youre mad!' 'another one?? how on EARTH will you cope?'
and 'are you gonna keep it?'

Jammyforeigner · 30/09/2013 18:32

enormouse it is very sad. She is 92. So I tend to make allowances for the racist highly offensive crap she spouts. We're considering a quickie registry do next month just because there was such a fall out before Dd was born. The fact that DP and I have been together for 7 yrs means nothing.

Another one I've had a few times.

Was it planned? I mean WTF?

NoIHaventHadTheBabyYet · 30/09/2013 18:33

People always ask us if we planned it. I am going to say 'no, it was an accident, we meant to do bumsex'

SaucyJack · 30/09/2013 18:35

"Weren't you in time to get an abortion?"

From my darling mother.

Anothermrssmith · 30/09/2013 18:52

I've been asked so many times if it was planned,I really think people dont understand quite how personal that question is. Though in my case almost everyone I that asked me that I work with, only started my job in march and got pregnant in June, think they were trying to figure out if I took the job knowing I would probably be needing maternity leave in the near future (so funnily enough the answer they got was 'no its a total surprise but we're thrilled anyway').

Also got a 'oh honey how did that happen' from a friend who didn't know we were trying,for some reason she thought I would be devestated.

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Sarahmains40 · 30/09/2013 18:52

Omg some times I think people just don't think before they speak. I too have had the was it planned were you trying which to me is very invasive.

One other thing that annoys me is when people at work look at my tummy all the time. I'm chubby naturally lol so I'm not showing yet only 12 weeks.

It amazes me how people think some things are acceptable to say out loud.

OP posts:

VerySmallSqueak · 30/09/2013 18:54

I got

"Oh,that's a shame", and

"Don't you think you're too old?" (I was 35 FFS)

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 30/09/2013 18:57

My last pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, when I told dh his reaction was 'is it mine' he was mortified, and I've never let him live it down.

My Mother said 'I assume you're getting sterilised after this one'.

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