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Morbid, I know, but I can't be the only one...

(35 Posts)
Dolallytats Tue 18-Jun-13 12:42:56

I hope I'm not the only one, but I can't help worrying about dying in/after childbirth. I know the risks are low, but the thought of leaving my other children without a mum makes me anxious about it.

I do tell myself not to be silly, but the thoughts do creep in sometimes. Does anyone else think like this too?

cravingcake Tue 18-Jun-13 12:55:16

I think nearly everyone has this thought at some stage during a pregnancy.

This actually happened to our friend - his mother passed away due to child birth complications (over 35 years ago and we don't know the circumstances other than it was not long after he was born) but it has meant that our friends only have one child as they are too scared to have another and have history repeat itself, even though the chances are very low.

Shellywelly1973 Tue 18-Jun-13 13:21:22

I would speak to your mw. Its normal to worry but it might help you manage those fears in a better way if you talk to someone.

Take care.

TravelHappy Tue 18-Jun-13 14:55:19

I'm probably in the minority but I think it would be helpful for people to address this risk more openly. For instance, not many people know that if you die in childbirth (of in any other circumstance) and are not married then your estate is subject to inheritance tax. What would that mean for your partner and or child? It won't matter if your assets are below the £325k threshold but I don't know how insurance etc fits into all this. I'm in my third trimester now and I'm starting to check it out. Such a small, small risk nowadays thankfully but in my view it is better to accept that there is a risk and do what you need to get your affairs in order.

Lydia161290 Tue 18-Jun-13 15:26:54

I think a lot of pregnant women have thought about it. It's crossed my mind once or twice, but you just gotta think positive.

4athomeand1cooking Tue 18-Jun-13 17:10:54

I agree that I think it crosses everyone's mind at some point. It has mine and there is always the risk.

It really helps me to understand the process of childbirth to understand how low the risks are. The pain, although can feel like your being pulled in half, is only caused by muscles contracting and in itself is not harmful.

One of the biggest risks is a PPH, in the uk we measure a PPH at 500mls (you give almost that when giving blood and are sent home after a cuppa but other countries measure in excess of 1000ml blood loss). In pregnancy our bodies can handle large volume of blood loss due to an increased blood flow. PPH over 1000ml is fairly rare and extreme PPH is even rarer, and death in extreme PPH is even rarer than that!! See where I am going with this?

Of course other things can happen but you are more likely to get mown down by a bus or struck by lightening than die in childbirth.

Don't let it ruin your pregnancy.

Bunnylion Tue 18-Jun-13 17:30:23

It crosses most women's mind at some point but you must realise that it is a completely irrational fear. statistics 12 in 100,000 die in the uk. That is a chance of 0.012%.

cq Tue 18-Jun-13 17:33:30

Yes but someone has to be that 12, sadly. It is not irrational.

The important thing is to realise that little can be done by worrying. You will no doubt be fine.

MrsBri Tue 18-Jun-13 17:40:18

Someone has, but what the statistic doesn't tell you is how many of those 12/100,000 had a pre-existing medical condition or something like that which attributed to it.

I think most of us consider every worst possible outcome when pregnant, but ultimately the statistics are on our favour, so we have to dwell on the positives, otherwise we could drive ourselves mad with worry.

Holly94 Tue 18-Jun-13 17:49:40

I agree with MrsBri, you don't know what kind of underlying medical conditions or the conditions that led to their death. There's a reason why more people died of childbirth 200 years ago than today. We have much, much better medical care and the ability to diagnose any conditions that might lead to death, whereas they didn't back then.
It has crossed my mind once or twice, I think every pregnant woman will have thought about this. Don't dwell on it. I have never known of one healthy person to die during childbirth. The odds are very much in your favour.

Bunnylion Tue 18-Jun-13 18:35:21

It is irrational to worry about it when you put it in perspective.

It's equal to your risk of dying by being shot by a total stranger, by choking to death or dying by poisoning.

It obviously can and does happen but the chance is so statistically minuscule that it is in no way healthy or rational to worry about it happening to you.

As previous posters mentioned, I would also doubt those unfortunate 12 in 100,000 were all healthy adult women.

Dolallytats Tue 18-Jun-13 19:19:49

Thanks everyone, it is reassuring to know that it crosses everyone's mind at some point. It's also good to see the stats, they are very low and that does put things into perspective.

Thank you!!

jacquiemccloy Tue 18-Jun-13 19:26:12

Dolallytats you should address it with your mw as my original mw (before i moved sad) referred me to speak to a consultant who specialises in fear of dying in/after childbirth. Unfortunately i never got to speak to that consultant due to moving and i'm still waiting to find out who my new mw will be. But i had the fear before even getting pregnant due to an anxiety disorder so i don't know if thats why i got referred so easily or not. I totally get how you feel though sad

ladythatlunches Tue 18-Jun-13 20:08:15

I was petrified of this with ny third baby. All vey jorma labours before so nothing to worry from there.

I was worried about a pph and aftee I had dd I kept checking and asking mw if what I was loosing was okay etc.

I went on to have twins and my fear of pph became a reality and do you know what I didn't even know about it
Everyone was calm no panic and I was fine.

I lost a hell of alot of blood and was bruised from them trying to stop it and I survied and no one really batted a eye lid at it.

So what im getting at that even if something scarey happens they know what there doing and always have equipment to deal with it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lavenderloves Tue 18-Jun-13 20:29:53

I lost over half my blood...do i win?

Seriously it looked like a massacre, the pph needed a rouche balloon to stop the blood flow!

It was a bad bad time but i survived!

I did worry about dying with the second. I felt guilty about that. I was so focused on not dying for my first child, i was less worried about my second.
I feel bad about it but the near death first experience does that to you.

You'll be fine.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladythatlunches Tue 18-Jun-13 20:40:13

You two beat me hands down. I think mine was 3ltrs. smile

Lavenderloves Tue 18-Jun-13 20:42:53

Damn you women!

God that's bad. You are very lucky to be alive. I'm hoping you sent that paramedic a good bottle of red.

Lavenderloves Tue 18-Jun-13 20:49:45

Lady it's dependant on your weight but 3 litrs is half your blood roughly.

I lost just over 3 ltrs, although i'm doubting she calculated the greens :-)

Mama1980 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:51:05

I'm nearly certain you'll be absolutely fine smile but its a natural thought.
If this is anyway reassuring I had my second son at 24 weeks bled out following a crash c section they couldn't stop the bleeding they removed my uterus and I was in intensive care for a few weeks but I survived! It's really difficult to die in childbirth and I tried pretty bloody hard apparently grin

Catnipbush Tue 18-Jun-13 20:51:21

It's really common to worry about this. I do think more couples should use this fear to prompt discussions about wills and wishes etc. it might make you feel better knowing you have got everything tied up legally.

Keep talking about your fears. It's really normal to feel this way.

ladythatlunches Tue 18-Jun-13 21:01:52

Lavenderloves I didn't know that at all. Im not big actually little.

No one was that fussed until the midwife who came To my house when we got home was shocked how much I had lost. I knew it was a lot but not that much.

Dolallytats Tue 18-Jun-13 21:16:20

Thank you for telling me your positive, and very dramatic experiences!! I am very glad that you are all alive and well!!

I'm also very glad to here that you have to try hard to die in childbirth, I don't think I shall try very hard at all, if that's ok?!?

Bunnylion Tue 18-Jun-13 23:05:00

Lol - its crazy how a post discussing a genuine fear of dying during child birth is met with a load of replies details how posters nearly bled to death. I'm really sorry that happened to you all but have a bit of sensitivity to OP. Traumatic births seem to be seen as a badge of honor for some women but bragging about them can add to fears that other women's already have. The vast majority of women have uncomplicated births but they don't feel the need to tell their boring stories so much. I believe that women who have traumatic births should be offered counciling to help them come to terms with what happened to them, and that may stop this culture of putting the fear of god into every pregnant woman by feelin the need to share every disturbing detail.

OP Your body is designed to give birth and this level of bleeding is not at all the norm. Speak to your midwife if you are worried about this happening, I'm sure she will have some statistics or at least broad first hand knowledge she can share.

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