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Not the reaction I wanted :(

(37 Posts)
Kimmy1986 Sun 28-Apr-13 18:16:48

So today me and dp went and told both sets of parents that I'm pregnant. My family were absolutely ecstatic, my mum and sister were in tears and my dad even had a wee tear in his eye smile it was lovely.

Then,we went round to his parents house. Disaster just about covers that. His mum wouldn't even congratulate him, kept going on about when were going to get married, IM BLOODY 27 AND HE'S 30!!!!!!! I think I can make an informed decision about what's important to me! It's not as if it wasn't planned! We have our own house, good jobs etc. I'm so disappointed, I've spent the last 45mins in floods of tears. sad DP just wanted to walk out and was just sitting there wanting to cry, it was awful. She totally ruined it for his dad too, he looked so happy. Gutted.

Sorry just needed to vent....

Jenjen85 Sun 28-Apr-13 21:50:40

Congratulations!!!

Just ignore your MIL!! When me an DH told my parents they were over the moon like yours were but when we went to tell my DHs parents they seemed less pleased (altho PIL did shed a slight tear) but MIL asked DH (away from my ear shot) if it was planned and if he was happy. If she had said that an I'd have heard her then I would have had to say something to her (only found out she had said that later). My view is it's no one else's business but yours an your DPs. Our pregnancy was planned and were married but she still had something to say.

Try an not let it bother you (I know it's easier said than done tho) I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and to be honest I still don't feel that MIL is that interested in the pregnancy but maybe it's because this will be her 3rd grandchild?!? Just enjoy your pregnancy smile

mumtolilh Sun 28-Apr-13 22:20:00

My mil is & always will be a cow
Some say its her personality & to get over it but i see straight through her
I put up with similar things when I fell pregnant
Me & oh are together for 9 years now & I've learnt just to let her crack on with her bs
Be happy & ignore her ;)

SeriousStuff Sun 28-Apr-13 23:40:32

Congratulations on your pg!

Unfortunately, every parent will have set ideas about how they want their children's lives to pan out. I'm pg with my 1st child and as much as I think I'll be a laid back parent, I know there'll be some things I will still wish for my children over others. Obviously for your DP's mother, she was hoping for a wedding.

My parents would have been disappointed if we hadn't married first, but know they would have been happy in the long run.

I'm sure she'll come round.

JoInScotland Sun 28-Apr-13 23:52:27

We weren't married when I became pregnant - DP wasn't interested. I trained in law, so know that it is legally beneficial to be married.... but I wasn't going to pester him. When I got pregant (planned) he suddenly had a Road to Damascus conversion, but I wasn't getting married with a huge belly, thanks. So here we are, our DS is 3 1/4, and we still haven't gotten around to getting married. His Mum isn't best pleased, since she is very religious. She keeps sending my DS bibles, etc for his presents. We think we'll run away to Gretna Green, eventually.

You can't please everyone, sadly. But she's the only Grandma my son has, so I make the best of this aspect of her personality.

Alexandra6 Mon 29-Apr-13 14:43:32

Poor you, please don't let it spoil your enjoyment of this time at all. As you get along well normally, I'm sure she'll come round and realise her reaction was out of order. DH's brother and sister in law weren't married and fell pregnant (they weren't actually trying but had been together for years, house, jobs etc) and I'm sure MIL would have preferred them to be married in an ideal world (she's quite traditional) but I know she didn't react like that and was still thrilled! Can your DP talk to her (if it was my mum she would get a real telling off but then she wouldn't act like that!) Sorry and congratulations, focus on all the good reactions and how you feel about it flowers

wispa31 Mon 29-Apr-13 18:26:02

hi, congartulations! smile
im not married to dp, unplanned pg. massive shock. dp is from a very traditional catholic family and his parents are both much older than mine, in their 70s, so big diff in upbringing. dp said himself he would never have planned a pg outside of marriage, thats just the way he was raised. anyhoo, we are both over the initial shock and very much looking forward to meeting our baby.
when he told his parents the news his mum was in bits. this wasnt a surprise as she fell out with her only daughter for 6 mths when she found out that she and her dp were living together. his mum was raised to believe in no sex before marriage etc. nothing wrong in that, its how she was raised and how she raised her own.
thankfully though the rest of his siblings were delighted for us, i had expected to be cast out by the whole family. his mum bless her, came around quicker than i expected, took her a few days but i can gladly say its never affected my relationship with her, shes a lovely woman and im very fond of her.
id say its prob a generation thing as has been mentioned (getting married before children etc) and if you give her some time and space she will come around. she would be very foolish not to as it would be her and her new gc who would miss out.
shit ive rambled on. sorry lol. hth.

TalkUsernameYoudLike Mon 29-Apr-13 18:37:03

She really needs to loosen her judgey-pants and be happy fgs! My DP's family are extremely religious, yet they were ecstatic and never mentioned the marriage thing. If they can push it to one side, then so can she. Give her time..

Saundy Mon 29-Apr-13 18:39:58

Ha! When we told mine & explained we didn't want anyone to know until the 12 week scan, she told us 'these things get out' & then told us about all the late miscarriages & still births that could happen so the 12 weeks makes no difference. She then went on to tell everyone. MiL's are a funny breed.

Big congrats! xx

KenDoddsDadsDog Mon 29-Apr-13 18:41:58

Congratulations !!
I had my DD on 20th Dec - it's a good date grin

poozlepants Mon 29-Apr-13 18:45:51

Best thing to say - it's ok if you're not interested we won't bother you with the baby when it arrives. Stupid stupid woman.
I sympathise as underwhelmed would be a major overstatment at my MIL's reaction. Bearing in mind we had been trying for 7 years and she was desperate for a gc. Turns out she was only desperate for a gc from SIL.

SorryMyLollipop Tue 30-Apr-13 10:05:55

I am dreading the reaction of DPs parents to the news of our pregnancy. We met less than a year ago, I am 40, he is 46 and has a DD(8), this was a complete accident/shock. I don't even want to be there when he tells them!

MIL sounds like a pain but, as someone else said, may just be concerned for your welfare (or worrying what the neighbours will think!) congratulations and good luck x

Phineyj Tue 30-Apr-13 10:45:29

To be fair your MIL may be reacting based on her own experiences or what she saw growing up. It may not have as much to do with you personally as you think. Choosing to have a child before marrying is a relatively recent development. She could have kept her thoughts to herself though! Congrats.

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