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Pregnant at 42, in a mess.

(72 Posts)
Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 15:16:40

I have felt rubbish all week and been waiting for the period pains to result in something to no avail. Yesterday I decided to POAS just to put a niggling doubt out of my mind but it was a very definite BFP. My dh is away till late tomorrow so I am on my own with this. Dc2 is starting school in Sept so we were looking forward to child care costs diminishing.
I am absolutely blown away by this result and apart from feeling really unwell I keep having waves of sheer terror wash over me.
I am aware women do have healthy babies at 42 but, really? I can't think straight. I can't talk to anyone in RL as DH needs to be first to know, I have no idea what his reaction will be but I'm guessing it won't be positive. Sorry for babbling, I am in bits here.
Any hand holding will be helpful.

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 27-Apr-13 15:21:05

proffering my hand....

is there any chance of getting your dh home before tomorrow? i realise this is a conversation to have in person but could you call him and just say you need him to come home earlier as you need to talk to him?

i feel for you. you must be reeling. You need to get over the shock and then look at your options - you do have options.

scaevola Sat 27-Apr-13 15:22:31

Here's a hand.

I don't know anyone that this has happened to at your age, but do some a couple who have and a surprise baby. The shock was huge, but it subsides, and in terms of the surprises life can throw at any of us, this is one that has great potential to bring happiness in the longer term.

Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 15:24:17

Can't speak to him really as it's an annual get together several hundred miles away and there will be alcohol involved.
I also feel a bit like letting him enjoy the calm before the storm, so to speak.

Kelly1814 Sat 27-Apr-13 16:05:44

my godmother has an unplanned pregnancy at 42. it was a huge shock, they already had two, much older boys (9 years and above).

it wasn't easy for them but she had a very easy pregnancy and their little surprise is now 11 years old and she is absolutely lovely. the two older boys dote on her and i think she likes having the bigger older brothers to look after her. it is do-able. best of luck.

iclaudius Sat 27-Apr-13 16:09:20

Sheer I am on phone now but will PM you when on laptop later . Please do not worry xxxx

Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 16:52:20

Thanks for your kind replies. It means a lot.
I wish the panic would start to subside, I am finding it overwhelming. Just want dh home.

Startail Sat 27-Apr-13 16:58:32

Not quite the same, as very much planned, but my DF had her first DS a week before her 43 birthday. He's 18 months now and utterly adorable.

DMIL was the fittest 70 year old I've ever met, she had DH and DSIL either side of her 40th.

nananaps Sat 27-Apr-13 17:04:21

Hi sheerpanic im 42 soon to be 43 and have a 14 week old baby.

Im not going to lie to you, the amnio was by far the most frightening period of time of my entire life, but it was all ok, my boy is fat, happy & healthy.

I realise that i am incredibly lucky.

I also have a 9 year old.
It can be ok. x

elfycat Sat 27-Apr-13 17:08:19

42 is not old at all. I'm the same age and have a 2yo and I feel younger than I did a decade ago, I'm certainly fitter. A friend had her DS2 at 42, no prolems with her age.

It's a shock and it's making you rethink the plans you were making. You were settled with the idea of being finished. But it was an idea, ideas are just thoughts and those can be changed.

When you tell your DH you'll need to let him get over the surprise. You'll have had some time to think things over and be in a different place by the time he gets back.

coorong Sat 27-Apr-13 17:19:58

First baby at 41 and second at 43 - both healthy girls. No problems with pregnancy, and had amnio with both. The only thing I would do is get some folic acid into you as soon as possible.

Slightly higher risk of miscarriage over 40 (1 in 4 as opposed to 1 in 5). I one before each naturally conceived pregnancy. Any concerns, talk to your GP - don't google!

cyclecamper Sat 27-Apr-13 17:21:13

I'm 42 and 33 weeks pregnant with my first (and only!). I have had a pretty easy pregnancy actually - tiredness, backache and heartburn aside. It was utterly unplanned and I didn't find out until I was 16 weeks so I missed out on all the tests (and the first trimester worrying) and I had a growth scan yesterday that showed everything to be perfectly fine smile. On the Fabulous 40+ mums to be thread there are lots of us - and for re-assurance, there is a 40+ mums thread on the parents board - lots of healthy babies there! There is lots of hand holding on here. Have a brew.

congratulations op x im sure your in deep shock, but we are all here to talk to

BoffinMum Sat 27-Apr-13 17:27:32

I had a perfectly healthy baby at 41. In fact the previous two had been mildly disabled and he is the healthiest of the the lot. Looking after him on arrival was easier as by then we needed less sleep and also we were more mellow. It has been great fun and it's lovely having a little companion again.

BoffinMum Sat 27-Apr-13 17:29:01

PS I did have a private nuchal scan at the Fetal Medicine Centre in case there was anything wrong. I asked if I needed amnio or anything and they said no, the scan and the blood tests told then the chances of a good outcome were excellent, so no need to bother.

CareerGirl01 Sat 27-Apr-13 17:30:12

Sheerpanic I have a 4 year old DD who starts school in September and having DD2 via ELCS in a weeks time - I will be 42. Have to say the worst thing about this pregnancy was the CVS test - but they've kept a close eye on me and baby is healthy (so far). I did have my doubts about having one so late (and all credit to corong having two in her 40s) but am glad I am now. DD is loving the idea of having a baby sister.

OP - hand.

I like elfycat's post, she is right, thoughts and ideas can be changed.
Unless of course you don't want another child, you do have options.

Try and take deep breaths and distract yourself.
Or do what I do which is think of worst case scenario and work backwards, eg we will be skint for another few years, yes sleepless nights will be hard etc but then the best case scenario is that you will have another little face to look at when she/he is sleeping and another person smiling in all your holiday pics.

Is the terror stemming from a scary birth?

CareerGirl01 Sat 27-Apr-13 17:32:59

Have to say having a DSIL who is nearly 40 and having problems TTC and a friend who is 43 next month and only decided last autumn shd wanted a baby (she's had two miscarriages) made me realise how lucky I am; this is probably not much consolation for you but for me it helped get me through a couple of tough times during this pregnancy.

crazyhead Sat 27-Apr-13 18:29:27

The amnio, grim as it is, will tell you what you need to know about chromosomal problems and if you've had healthy pregnancies before you probably will again. I think the main question is whether you actually want another child really. I guess that's what you and your husband have to work out. Big hugs, really tough.

Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 18:36:59

Thank you so much for the hand holding.
I am not worried about a birth, had 2 previous LSCS so no issue there.
I found pregnancy so hard last time physically, yet here I am 4 years older. I am worried about DH's reaction I suppose. He said after last dc's he couldn't stand me pregnant again as I was such hard work.
The risks of problems for a baby of a 42 year old really worries me. There is too much stuff on the internet.
God I wish it was tomorrow.

Mayanbob Sat 27-Apr-13 19:33:22

Hand holding here- but just wanted to say that my mum had me at 43 and I like to think that I turned out okay. smile

I was a surprise (my mum having a coil fitted when she conceived me) and my brother is 13 years older than me. Our relationship is awesome, and she's still the first person I phone - in fact have changed phone contract to unlimited calls since being pregnant. The internet is full of worry but I assure you it can all turn out really well.

However, as others have said there are options if you don't want another child because ultimately it is your life that's going to be affected by this. - Sorry I can't offer more words of wisdom but just wanted to let you know about my DM. x

ILoveGregoryHouse Sat 27-Apr-13 19:38:51

Had dc4 when I was 41. She's perfect. Pregnancy was harder than the previous three but that could have been because I had three little boys to look after. Hope tomorrow hurries up for you.

It might be different this time? Pregnancy wise that is.

You can have lots of tests to check for anything you might be worried about. And again, you don't have to go through with a pregnancy if it is too much. Possibly an unpopular view but a realistic choice nonetheless.

You say DH found you hard work (I know I was a nightmare both times) but could you find a way of making it less nightmarey for him if it is the deal breaker?

Go and watch britains got talent and the voice and that will waste some time until tomorrow!!!!

Until then I can chat away!

TiredFeet Sat 27-Apr-13 19:45:41

Hand holding. I found out 6 weeks ago I was unexpectedly pregnant and dh was away with work, so I know how hard that is. I decided to text as he was going to be away for another week, but wish I hadn't! Think he found it hard to get his head round it when he was so far away. It will feel like a long wait till tomorrow but then you can talk it all through with him. And maybe it is good to take a little time to get your head round it all. Best wishes

turningitaround Sat 27-Apr-13 19:48:45

Don't worry. I had 'surprise' (read: shock) DC3 at 41. Pregnancy was hell, like the others. Marriage was touch and go for the last few months. BUT DC3 is now a few months old and positively doted on by the older DCs and DH. I go back to work in a couple of weeks and its honestly all pretty damn good. Far better than I ever imagined in the first few terrified weeks of pregnancy. You'll be fine (whatever you decide).

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