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Anyone else's DH/partner think labour will be a breeze?

(28 Posts)
Moneypennyf2 Tue 09-Apr-13 14:32:54

Sorry little bit of a rant.

My other half keeps saying that women make too much of childbirth and labour and it really can't be that hard. I know he thinks he is being funny because he is not usually a pratt, but with all my hormones going nuts it really pees me off when he says this.

I have got him watching One Born Every Minute and Don't just stand there I'm having your baby, so he can see what it is really like but he still keeps saying that they are all just making a big deal out of nothing.

I could quite happily kill him at the moment! smile
F

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Tue 09-Apr-13 21:19:52

Oh yes, Tom, it is waaaay short of what women go through. But I think it's still quite a funny illustration of the pain of just the physical pain of a contraction, with none of the other stuff.

TomDudgeon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:35:28

The thing with that video is that it wasn't for very long, they weren't exhausted after days of uncomfortable sleep and lugging a bump around, they didn't have to the push something out of a part of their body with risk of tearing their privates, they could go home after and sleep... I could go on

I am great at giving birth (I am
Lucky) and can give birth with no pain relief. I do mind over matter but even I would shout down the person who told me it was easy or not that painful as would my dh. That also be one of the reasons I find it bearable, and you may find that having a birth partner who thinks that giving birth is a doddle may hinder not help.

RJM17 Tue 09-Apr-13 20:32:16

Mine is awful because his sister did it with 2 paracetamol and gas and air!! So he now thinks its really easy and that I will be acting like a baby if I want more than that.
I know it is going to cause an argument because I have quite a low pain fresh hold and therefore know I will want more x

JollyPurpleGiant Tue 09-Apr-13 20:10:29

I thought labour would be a breeze. DH was more rational.

yes.
my mws decided that I would be pushing at 9p'clck based on my dilation and that really helped - that 9o'clock was the end. it wasn't so great when 9o'clock came and went and eventually once pushing began it was still another 2.5 hours! (which I had no way of knowing)

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Tue 09-Apr-13 20:02:57

I complained about that too Unique. That's the hard bit mentally isn't it - not knowing how long you'll be going for. I think I could actually have quite enjoyed my second labour if I'd know it was only going to be a few hours (and not 2 days like my first), even though the pain was equivalent. If you knew 'ok, only 1.5 hours more to go' it would be waaaaaay easier.

I was hmm that they only had to do it for 2 hours and they knew at the start how long it would last.

crazypaving Tue 09-Apr-13 19:51:11

yeah, love the way the guy in that video is able to say no thanks I've had enough though hmm

Dolallytats Tue 09-Apr-13 18:42:04

I just giggled all the way through that video.......then fell in that that will be me in 15 weeks time. Oh crap!!!

LemonPeculiarJones Tue 09-Apr-13 17:00:44

Just tell him you'll repeatedly kick him in the bollocks, with an ever increasing level of force and intensity, for an unspecified period of time - could be days - and that he can have some paracetamol and do some breathing exercises.

Just to give him an idea grin

TryingtobelessChunkyChick Tue 09-Apr-13 16:52:40

I just watched the video. That is exactly how I felt/dealt with the pain!! smile

polkadotsrock Tue 09-Apr-13 16:42:20

I sort of have this from DH because my first labour was lovely and I 'never seemed to reached my pain threshold' so he quite merrily assumes I've got this nailed and its all a breeze. It's not him being an arse as such, he truly believes that because I was fine first time second time will be even better, and is brooking no argument.

TryingtobelessChunkyChick Tue 09-Apr-13 16:39:40

You are not U to want to kill him. I would have if my DH had said similar. However, he is unlikely to change his opinion as he will never have to experience it himself.

I would get him doing something practical & consider having a 2nd birthing partner who will actually be caring, understanding & supportive. That doesn't mean he gets out of it though, he should be there to watch your pain!! Then see if he thinks its easy... I would also consider looking at breathing techniques & hypnobirthing, as you might feel you can't cope and worry that if you "over-react" according to him, it make its worse, which will stress you out and then that will make it worse iyswim. Not expressed myself very well there.

FWIW I've had 2 dc. The 2nd time was much easier, as I knew what to expect, & knew I could cope, plus it was almost twice as fast. My DH was wonderful the first & 2nd time but apparently felt like a bit of a spare part the 2nd time, as I was coping without him.

It's only a relatively short time & the memory fades, but I agree, no uterus, no opinion...

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Tue 09-Apr-13 16:26:05

Glad you liked it CP. I think it is extra funny because they are so cocky at the start. But the last 2 minutes are pretty good on their own too!

My ex also of the 'try passing a kidney stone then you'll know pain' type. Only really believed me for dc2 (plus he and his ex w had 4!) when with every contraction I was being sick <but nothing coming out the joy> he still says to this day he knew I was in pain then shock. At 39 weeks he tells me he 'can't go through it again' and hopes every time I ring him it's to tell him I've had the baby. Quite how I will get the dc to my childminder and get myself to hospital 40 mins away and back again had crossed his mind - he said it will just 'slip out' at home. Then I'll just carry on apparently confused

I quote Phoebe from friends "no uterus, no opinion"

he's being a twat.

Labour was fucking horrendous, and I had a textbook labour.

What he might be misunderstanding is that your body learns to cope.
that's why labour takes so long. I found that my contractions would be horridly painful, but then an hour or so later, I would be having contractions that made those others feel like a bit of a pinch.
basically, the pain of the contractions gets greater and greater as time goes on, so that your body can build up a tolerance to it.

I was amazed by it. (the TENS machine was my physical record that it really did happen like that - I had to keep increasing the levels way beyond what had previously felt like electrocution)

HumphreyCobbler Tue 09-Apr-13 14:55:37

I am not surprised Machli. I am struggling to see the funny side of this. IME people who dismiss the pain of others also make a great fussy fuss over a minor ailment of their own.

crazypaving Tue 09-Apr-13 14:53:01

Amanda that video is brilliant!

Machli Tue 09-Apr-13 14:51:01

Mine used my pain in labour as evidence of me being a hypochondriac as in "you are SUCH a hypochondriac Machli, look at all that fuss you made when you were in labour."

Yes 43 hours labour with a spine to spine ds whose shoulder was stuck in my pelvis, culminating in an emergency CS and a baby with bruises all over his face and head from where he was stuck while my body tried to push him out, with no possible way he could be born naturally. Yes what an old fuss pot I am.

I've never forgiven him for saying it and its one of the many reasons he's an ex.

Moneypennyf2 Tue 09-Apr-13 14:48:09

Yes he is being a bit of sod at the moment! Bejeena I like the idea of giving him a job to do. I will have to think of a few things that will last the entire pregnancy!!!

Amanda - that film is seriously funy. I will definitely show him that when I get home.

Thanks all.

rosiedays Tue 09-Apr-13 14:47:00

My DH believes it will be a breeze..... he is 100% confident in my abilitys to give birth and says i'm great at everything i do so why would labour be any different!!!!
He refuses to watch one born or anything like it as he says these women are just being drama queens.
I must add that he has been wonderful and supportive so far, i think its his way of coping. LOL. he see the other side soon grin

HumphreyCobbler Tue 09-Apr-13 14:44:30

this would give me the rage

how the hell would he know? Hopefully you will breeze through the whole thing, but how the hell does he have the audacity to claim women lie about it? On what basis does he dismiss the validity of half of the human race? How arrogant.

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Tue 09-Apr-13 14:40:38

ps. It's 10 minutes long but worth it. If you want the high point of the pain, go to about 8 minutes in I think

AmandaPayneAteTooMuchChocolate Tue 09-Apr-13 14:39:04

Get him to watch this then tell him you'll listen to his opinion once he has volunteered to do the same! It's two men going through 'labour' and it's the funniest thing I'd seen for ages.

Bejeena Tue 09-Apr-13 14:38:45

I think it reassures me and also try to believe/convince myself that it can't be that hard, otherwise nobody would have a second baby. My husband also says it can't be that hard and I am trying to agree with him.

I haven't told my husband to watch One Born Every Minute but sometimes he watches it with me if it is on and says sometimes he has found it quite useful (like once he said he is glad he knows the baby comes out blue as it might have freaked him out a bit, bless him)

You are probably just being overly sensitive with hormones and everything. Give him a practical job to do - mine is researching the prams for us at the moment and making a list of what is best for what!

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