I'm sat here in tears hoping someone can offer some advice. I'm sorry for the long post and I've name changed for this because I don't want to out myself. I'm 29 weeks pg with a second DC and hating every minute of it. I have a 2 year old DD who I adore and this is... was... a wanted baby. I got pg first time of trying and I guess I wasn't expecting to get pg so soon. I was thinking it would take months if it happened at all. First time we had unprotected sex, bingo, pg.
At first I was pleased but as time's gone on I've realised I have no feelings for this baby at all. He moves and I find it irritating and wish he'd stop (he moves a lot). I resent being this fat and tired and ugly and everything that is going wrong with my body, which feels like all the minor and not so minor pregnancy niggles - sickness, tiredness, ringing in my ears, backaches, headaches, sleeplessness, you name it. I hate that I've hard to give up doing so many of the things I enjoy for this pregnancy and resent every minute I have to spend doing pregnancy related crap. DH has recently taken a new job and works a 2 hour commute away so, I hardly ever get to see him anymore. He didn't want a second child particularly but agreed to my request on the basis it'd make me happy. Now I find it hard to say I'm not happy.
I have literally no-one to talk to, about this or anything else, as I work from home a lot, and can go days without seeing anyone else other than DH for an hour or so in the evening. My family and I don't get on and in any case they live a long way away. I've only seen a midwife twice so far and not the same one so I don't feel like I can talk to them. When I have seen them they always have a student there and just chat between themselves - fair enough they have to learn, I'm not whinging- but it makes it hard to ask anything you don't already know the answer to. And in any case I'd be scared to. What I (don't) feel about this one is nothing to do with what I do feel about my DD and I worry that people might think I'm crap with her too. Matters are not helped I suppose by the fact that DH has to go away for a conference for a week abroad (he really does have to) about a month after this one's due date and I'm dreading being on my own with a newborn and DD.
I'm trying to shop for baby clothes and stuff we need and I find it so off putting. With DD I shopped and prepared and painted and wondered about what she'd look like and picked out things for her carefully. With this one, I haven't given him a minutes thought really. I sorted through some old sleepsuits of DDs that never made it to the charity shop for the least girly and that's kind of been it. People ask if we've got a name picked out and when DD was at this stage, yes I had, for sure and was passionate about the issue. With this one, no, haven't thought. All I can think about is how much this is going to ruin the time I have with DD and how worried I am that I won't like this one because he's taking time away from my DD.
What the hell is wrong with me? Does anyone else feel so disconnected?
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Pregnancy
please don't flame me- I don't think I want this baby
quertas · 08/04/2013 19:47
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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