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My husband has gone AWOL - am 34 weeks pregnant

(88 Posts)
CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 17:28:21

DH has history of depression and self medicating it - he binge drinks then is teetotal for long spells. He started a new job back in Novdmber and has been having issues (the normal ones you get in a new job) but he can't cope and on Wednesday morning he went off in our car and hasn't texted or called. He had been drinking the night before. We have a four year old DD.I'm feeling hopeful at the moment but come bedtime (DD's) I'm going to feel terrible. My nan died last week and we had her funeral yesterday. I'm wondering if my preggie moaning has driven him away. Btw - for mist of time together IVF been main breadwinner - I don't think he likes the current role reversal.

DisAstrophe Mon 01-Apr-13 21:02:28

Glad he is back and willing to go to GP. I agree with those saying he needs your support. But it can't be unconditional. He must take GP's advice on drugs and counselling. And he must set up a joint account for his salary. Deliberately depriving your family of available money is not acceptable however ill you are.

BabyHMummy Mon 01-Apr-13 20:40:13

That's brill news on your dh career so pleased that he is opening up and prepared to see Gp etc. Here's hoping its the start of him getting it under control and getting better.

I should think the sickness is the stress which hopefully should start to ease now he is getting help. Sending you huge hugs Xxx

thewhistler Mon 01-Apr-13 17:18:31

Poor you, it's foul.. but not long now.

And if he is talking, that's good..so many men don't ever.

Hope gp goes well.

CareerGirl01 Mon 01-Apr-13 14:14:51

Thanks whistler and bun and everyone else. DH told me some stuff last night that explains why he went off the rails. We are going to see GP tomorrow and he's going to see about getting signed off sick. We are having a normal day today. Sadly my morning sickness has come back - am 35 weeks on Wednesday and have appoint with the consultant when he will give me date for ELCS. I'm not sure the indigestion/heartburn and sickness has come on because baby has dropped or is the result of having been stressed; I did manage to eat during the last few days but not so much today.

Bunbaker Mon 01-Apr-13 12:07:46

I'm so glad your husband is back in one piece.
If the police have been involved it may help fast track some psychiatric help.

thewhistler Sun 31-Mar-13 22:47:41

I hope you had a good time and a nice meal, which will have set you up for whatever the next few days bring.

And I hope it was a happier Easter, whether or nor Easter is your thing, better than the alternative anyway, and maybe the bunny arrived for your dc.

CareerGirl01 Sun 31-Mar-13 12:05:35

DH is sleeping while we go off and have a roast lunch with friends and family. Is so good to know there are people who care and understand - hugs to everyone.

Saundy Sun 31-Mar-13 10:19:02

I'm so pleased Career, what a relief.

I know it is only one small part of the problem you are having but DP also hates his job & I worry about the impact on his health. To try & offer some light I've made him a deal that if he just lasts the year he can take over my maternity leave at the earliest possible point & use those months to find another job & so never go back. It makes sense for us financially as I'm the main earner, plus I like my job & don't want too long out.

Clearly you have a lot more than that to sort out but it will be lots of small steps to do so.

I hope he gets the help that he needs and you can all move forward together.

Good luck x

Oh, thank goodness he's back in one piece - I am very, very glad for you and him smile.

I agree, he likely needs more than counselling.

Hope you both get a night's sleep, have a peaceful Easter weekend and then tackle what needs tackling next week xx.

BabyHMummy Sat 30-Mar-13 21:54:34

Slightly off the wall suggestion butmaybe show him this thread? I know a couple of the posts may not help but a lot of people have offered support and understanding from their own perspectives and to are heia not alone in what he ia feeling may help nudge him in the right direction

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 21:36:57

Oh, what a relief! You must be so pleased. It will be hard but getting professional help is the important step and give you the best chance of getting through it.

I wish you all the very best and hope you manage to get things sorted.

thewhistler Sat 30-Mar-13 21:05:34

Ditto glad about his return.

Where did they find him?

Yes, emergency nhs to get things sorted over the weekend.

babyradio Sat 30-Mar-13 20:48:58

I am so glad he is home safe. Sick leave as someone else has suggested is a good idea. I hope it all works out.

BabyHMummy Sat 30-Mar-13 20:18:26

So glad he is home career that is brilliant news.

The girls are right about money and getting him help hun. As hard as it is he needs more than just counselling hun.

Sending love n hugs to you all

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Sat 30-Mar-13 19:59:06

I'm so glad he came back. I think you need to get psychiatry input ASAP and get him on long term sick leave. He needs more than counselling. Go to the GP first thing on Tuesday or phone nhs direct now. His mental health is just as urgent as a physical problem.

In the meantime, he needs to share money with you so you're not left high and dry.

I wish you all the very best, life is not going to be easy for you all for some time. Take every it of help and support you can.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 19:53:02

I don't know where we will go from here though. He needs counselling- but says he hates his job. DC2's arrival is 4 and a half weeks away - what a mess.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 19:49:13

Good news DH came home. Brought back by police - our car reg showed up on their system. He's not in a good way mentally but is okay. Xxxx

Manchesterhistorygirl Sat 30-Mar-13 18:42:52

Just checking in. Sorry you've still no news.

LittleBunnyFeileFooFoo Sat 30-Mar-13 18:38:05

Wow, this is the second guy who has done this to a pregnant partner in the last three days! What is going on?

OP, you sound like you're coping ok, I hope everything turns out ok. If I were you I'd insist on password access or a joint account, no ifs ands or buts about it, especially if he has form for this.

I get he's depressed, but leaving his family in the lurch like this is just not responsible, and if he can't be relied upon, he needs to hand you the reins until he gets some counselling and help!

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 18:37:58

It is unlikely that you could have done anymore. You sound like you have been a huge support to him and often people who are suffering need to realise themselves that they need help, meanwhile putting others through hell and refusing to accept there is a problem.

I am sorry you haven't heard anything. You are allowed to be angry, don't ever feel guilty about that. Hopefully you will soon hear he is safe and well and when he comes home he will get the help he needs.

I hope you don't try and go through this on your own and instead use the support available to you. Never feel guilty, this is not your doing in any way, shape or form. You have done NOTHING to deserve this.

NewChoos Sat 30-Mar-13 18:29:19

I honestly don't think you could have done more - he needs to want to get better/see the counsellor himself

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 18:21:13

I know - I get angry as well. Now I'm wondering what I've done and could I have done more to make him see the counsellor. The police are going to see what they can do about tracking his bank account.

Sorry to see he's still not been found Careergirl, I hope he turns up safe and sound soon and can get some support.

I know I sounded rather stroppy last night but I was just so cross for you, I do understand him being in a dark place though.

fatandlumpy Sat 30-Mar-13 17:26:09

I didn't want to read and run. I do hope you get news soon... hug

NewChoos Sat 30-Mar-13 15:18:13

Could you contact anyone at the bank to explain the situation?
Sorry if I was a bit harsh - my ex also had problems with depression and alcohol and also found work stressful.
Hoping for brighter times for you soon x

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