Should we tell our mums?

[Blankiefan]

We've been married about 18 months and I'm only just pregnant (5 weeks). We hadn't planned to tell our parents until we had an early scan as I miscarried at 6 weeks just before Xmas.

We will be having ours parents over for Mother's Day lunch and then I have a day out with my mum planned next week. I've planned a girlie relaxing day (lunch, theatre, manicures, etc) as she's been working really hard lately and has had a tough year. Again, we hadn't planned to tell them this weekend as its too early yet.

But - Mum's just emailed saying how excited she is about our day out and that she'll leave the car at home so we can have a couple of drinks and get the train.

I reckon she'll rumble me if I don't drink. If she does, this means we won't get to do our "big reveal" (which is something I've always imagined doing) and also means she'll find out before my dad or DH's parents.

What do you think - should we just tell them on Sunday?

[Szeli]

Or you could make up a random reason to be on 'antibiotics' or other such excuse...? Offer to go get the drinks yourself and order vodka and lemonade without the vodka when mama isn't looking/listening? xx

[Geekster]

If your Mum is anything like mine she will be able to work it out anyway they just seem to sense these things. I can understand you not wanting to tell her so early especially as you have miscarried before. I hope that this one goes well for you, if the worst should happen and your Mum knows she can support you. I had six miscarriages and told my parents everytime I was pregnant because I had to tell work as soon as I found out (for health and safety reasons), if I had to tell them I wanted to tell my parents first. The upside was I got a lot of support and understanding.

Only you know if you want to tell them. Xx

[phoenixrose314]

Just tell her.

It will be a wonderful moment for the pair of you to share on Mother's Day. Not only that, but you may find that you want the support of your mum if things to take a turn for the worse - I know I did when I lost mine, and this time when it was touch and go at the beginning. DH is lovely and supportive but there's nothing like a mums support when going through pain like this.

Hope you have a lovely day with your mum whatever you decide OP.

[Christelle2207]

Do tell her- it will make her day. If the worst happens I'm sure she will be wanting to give you the support you need.

[lexib]

Blankie, I'm in a similar situation at 6 weeks now after a mc at new year. I'd like to tell my mum tomorrow but I'd rather do the reveal like you say, when I know we've done the scan - i think my mc was quite hard for her as she so want the best for me.
I've been off booze and caffeine since we started trying, so have happily satellite under that for a while. You could do the same? It is general guidance when you're trying to conceive. If your mum's anything like mine she'll be secretly hoping android guessing anyway, which isn't actually quite nice... A kindly of secret unsaid mother daughter thing. And she can extra gush when you tell her and she gets to look back
Def a personal thing, but thats where I'm at

[lexib]

Stupid spell guess thing - it Is quite nice! And not android, and

[HorryIsUpduffed]

I'm similar - 6w on Monday after a miscarriage in January, and wondering whether or not to tell.

I'm not seeing mine, though, which makes it easier to keep the secret.

You are supposed not to drink whilst ttc, so she may just assume you're treating your body like a temple for that reason.

Good luck x

[Blankiefan]

Thanks for the advice.... I've not told her we're ttc as I'm 36 and have PCOS so was worried it mightn't come to anything. If I'm going to tell her we're ttc, I may as well enjoy telling her the truth - which is very much what I'm leaning towards....

Thanks again for your thoughts - really helpful.

[5madthings]

I would tell, they will be thrilled! And hopefully all goes well, if not hopefully they will support you. I think mothers day is the perfect day for your news, congratulations and wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy :)

[ShabbyChit]

I would tell her, Mother's Day is a lovely day to tell her, telling your mum you are going to be a mum yourself! Sorry, slightly soppy sentimental side coming out here!
I read once on MN about how someone announced their pregnancy to their mum, it may have been Mother's Day actually?
Anyway, the woman gave her mum a card that said something along the lines of:
'This Mother's Day we wanted to get you something really special, we looked everywhere but just couldn't find what we were looking for, so we decided to make you something instead....' Then inside the card it said 'a grandma'

Love this idea, and I plan to steal it and adapt it for whatever occasion (birthday/Christmas/mothers day etc) and whichever relative if I ever get pregnant!

If you do tell her, please come back and let us know what her reaction was!
Good luck!

[HairyHandedTrucker]

call her the day before and say you are feeling a bit rough and not sure how you are going to feel next day. do not mention alcohol. the next day you can say you're still a bit ropey and only only have a drink or two. then just dump them or order then your self. get her a bucksfizz get your self an oj. do not say you are on antibiotics EVERYONE and their mum knows that trick. it's like code for being pregnant

[Blankiefan]

So - we told them and it was lovely. Many teary eyes.

I did it by telling them that they'd better enjoy their lunch as DH would be cooking next year as it'd be my Mother's day too.

Thanks again for the nudges!

[5madthings]

Yay lovely, hope all goes well xxx

[phoenixrose314]

Aww that is so lovely :) Hope the day was special for all of you xxx

[birdofthenorth]

That's lovely. Best of luck.

Fwiw I've had two mcs too and having my mum and MIL know what I was going through was really very helpful.

Very much hope you will be lucky this time though (I am now 34 weeks & counting!).

Glad you got your lovely moment