Newly pregnant, emetophobic and feeling desperately scared and trapped

[sw25]

I'm now 7 weeks pregnant with my first child and the nausea well and truly kicked in this week. The problems is, I am severely emetophobic, to the point where I haven't thrown up for over 20 years. I put off pregnancy until now because of this life-controlling phobia (I'm 35) but knew it was now or never if I ever wanted to give my DH a child. It happened on our first attempt, which I know I should feel grateful for, but it was a massive shock.

Felt great for the first two weeks after finding out, and ate healthily. But now I just feel sick to my stomach, all day, every day. There is literally no respite from this hideous on-the-brink-of-vomiting feeling and it's terrifying for someone who suffers such a crippling phobia. I'm forcing myself to eat small snacks every few hours (crackers, dry cereal, toast, white rice etc) and I'm even taking anti-emetic medicines prescribed by my doc, but nothing is working. I haven't actually been sick yet but fear it is inevitable.

My biggest fear is that this is the start of HG - if I got that, it would kill me. I have so much respect for women who survive an HG pregnancy.

My long-suffering husband is getting the brunt of it all. I can't leave the house or even sofa as I feel so rotten. And the worst thing of all is this is only the start - it could go on for weeks, or even the entire pregnancy.

I suffer from extreme anxiety/panic attacks and have been crying hysterically most nights this week. I feel trapped by the pregnancy, and don't feel any bond or feelings for the baby. It sounds terrible but I feel almost like I've been infected with a stomach virus that's going to last for months. I feel I need some kind of psychiatric help, but doctor hasn't been much help on that front. The last few nights I've considered abortion, which makes me feel terrible. But that is how scared I am. Really don't know what to do.

[WentOnABearHunt]

Aww hon, I cant imagine how it must be feeling like that - sending you a hug. Have you contacted your midwife? perhaps talking to her would help... there may be some perinatal mental health services you can access. I think there are some anti-emetics, and some anti-histamines which have the same effect, which can be used in pregnancy... although no routinely used they might be something your GP could consider in your case?

[rosiedays]

Big deep breath, you can do this :) it is all scary to start, new things often are.
WentOnABearHunt is right, there are loads of people who can support you if you let them.
First bit is the toughest!!xx

[IHeartKingThistle]

I felt very nauseous until 12 weeks in both pregnancies. But I didn't throw up once, either time. Lots of people don't. You may
well be one of them. Fingers crossed!

[YouWithTheFace]

I'm another who felt nauseous but didn't throw up either time. I found that chugging a small glass of water with a teaspoon of bicarb dissolved in it often sorted the nausea, as if it was wind-related - maybe that might help you?

[StrawberryMojito]

You definitely sound like you could do with some professional support throughout your pregnancy (congratulations by the way!). If your GP is crap, then hopefully you have a booking in appointment with your midwife imminently- speak candidly to her, if you don't get support from her, change GP.

If you actually want this baby, please don't consider abortion, I hated (and I mean HATED) pregnancy but I'm still considering a second. I have nothing against abortion but iget the impression it's not what you really want.

For what it's worth, ready salted crisps and bacon sandwiches helped me through the morning sickness phase (neither of which I'm bothered about normally).

[iwillsleepagainsomeday]

felt sick up to 12/13w but never threw up.

the bond with baby for me started later on in pregnancy but i am not of the talking to bump kind of style.

my bond with 3dc is great now.

don't be too hard on yourself

[PartyFops]

Could you look at getting some counselling for some coping strategies. I'm not technically emetiphobic (sp) but really panic at the slightest thought of being sick ( I used to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks that would make me feel sick).

When I was pg with dd I used my coping techniques (chewing gum, looking at photos etc) and it really helped as well as treating myself to too much yummy food

Congratulations, you can do this. It will all be worth it!!

[Runswithsquirrels]

Oh I understand as I'm sick phobic too. I just told myself I wasn't going to have MS and it worked. I did feel nauseous which wasn't pleasant but managed to a old throwing up.
Not everyone is physically sick, so hold on to that thought! You don't have to be sick!

[Runswithsquirrels]

The worst feeling was fist thing in the morning so I'd eat a ginger oat cake before getting out of bed and never let yourself get hungry, keep nibbling little amounts as you are.

[TeaOperated]

Another one who felt constant awful nausea but never threw up (ok, I did once. I'd not eaten in 14 hours and walked into a kitchen where bacon was cooking - entirely my own fault). But you're doing everything right, eating little and often will help. I found fizzy mineral water, and rich tea biscuits, helpful when I couldn't imagine eating.

I think if you were going to be sick, you would have been by now - I could be wrong but I've not heard of constant long term nausea turning to morning sickness. Worth hoping anyway.

Lack of bond - it's v hard to bond at this stage - for me that came later, (am 33 weeks now) at 7 weeks baby felt like a figment of my imagination.

Do talk about it with your midwife, as other posters have suggested, and talk abut psychiatric help - it is available for ante-natal depression, I believe.

And if it helps, take it day by day. Although abortion of a wanted child is a hard, hard thing and no-one would consider it lightly, remember it is an option, you aren't trapped, and the abortion limit is beyond the point where sickness normally stops. You can, for the time being, just go "I'm coping today, I can carry on today" rather than thinking about things long term.

The other thing, which I know won't help your phobia but is worth knowing on a purely intellectual level - if you are sick, you will cope somehow.

Good luck x

[plummyjam]

Sympathies - pregnancy nausea is truly grim. I can't even imagine what it would be like with emetophobia. My suggestions would be:

1. Try and stay objective - statistically you are unlikely to develop HG and in most cases nausea wears off between 12 and 16 weeks, although it can be little longer for some women
   
2. Just because you feel nauseated, doesn't follow that you will be sick, as others have said above
   
3. Speak to your GP and explain what you've put in your post above. There are lots of different anti-emetics that are safe to use in pregnancy. Some work better than others for different people. Fear and anxiety can make nausea worse. Ask if you can be referred urgently for CBT? NHS waiting lists can be long - have you got the means to be seen privately if necessary?
   
4. Food wise in addition to the above, things I found helpful were eating little and often, ice pops, custard/rice pudding cups and jellies. Don't get too hung up on trying to eat healthily if you can't face it, just get down what will stay down. And I avoided cooking like the plague.
   
   Good luck - try and take each day at a time - in all likelihood it will pass.

[Kelerina]

I'm 37 weeks now and have not thrown up once during my pregnancy, Its not inevitable that you will be sick either. I agree with previous poster, take it one day at a time and bonding does not happen immediately, it comes once you feel movements and hear heartbeat etc xxx

[june2013]

I felt nauseous but was only sick once because I went too long without food. The nausea stopped at 9/10 weeks for me so I had very little relatively speaking. I also ate as you said dry crackers etc and always carried them on me for emergencies. Despite the pain and awful feelings I found the fresh air did me a lot of good and when that didn't work, I slept. It will pass, it always does. And being sick isn't always part of the package and others can attest to.

It must be really hard to go through what you're going through though. I hope it works out for you. All the best x

[Sams4lo]

Hey can totally understand I'm the same, I have had morning sickness, but not been sick touch wood! Nevasic (iPhone/pod etc) app is fantastic, travel sickness bands, nibble biscuits and drink plenty. I felt really low at one point during this pregnancy, but keep going it will be ok, and see your GP, mine have been fab and referred me to perinatal team, for additional support! What also helped was having a private scan, and seeing the little one, as it made it feel more real and helped me accept feeling dreadful :)
There is plenty of support out there and don't do what I did and be alone! Ask for help, see your midwife etc :)

[CityDweller]

You poor thing, I really feel for you. Apart from echoing what others have said (I too felt sick until about 13 wks, but was never actually sick) know that phobias can be treated. I'm flying phobic (despite having to do it a lot) and was freaking cos I had to fly during pregnancy but couldn't take my usual anti-anxiety drugs. I read a great book which, shock of shocks, actually really helped me cope with the flights far, far better than at any time over the past 10 years. I was amazed. The book was based on CB (cognitive behavioral) techniques and it made me believe that this was a good way to deal with phobias. If you can get some treatment via GP/ mw then great, otherwise maybe find a book, or set of CDs on overcoming phobias. It's awful when you feel phobias control your life, but they really can be treated and being pregnant is the perfect opportunity for you tackling your emetophobia and hopefully improving the quality of your life long term. You can do it!

[Missingthemincepies]

Sorry you're feeling this way, it must be incredibly hard.
I'd echo what others have said, that vomiting isn't inevitable.
Things that may help
Speak to midwife and ask for referral to antenatal mental health team.
Don't go too long without food - always have a ginger biscuit or similar before getting out of bed in the morning, snack all day. Lots of people can manage salt and vinegar crisps (hula hoops my personal favourite!)
Don't let yourself get dehydrated, use ice lollies if need be.
Consider trying the natal hypnotherapy for morning sickness CD. I haven't used this but found others in the range to be fantastic.

Try to focus on the goal, the baby, rather than the pregnancy. And as said above, just try to survive 1 day at a time.

Hope you feel better soon, some women only have nausea for a couple of weeks, hold on to that. You've shown amazing courage to get this far, you can do this.

[Missingthemincepies]

Oh and tiredness makes the nausea much worse. Sleep whenever you can.

[Hooya]

Hi and so sorry you are going through this. As a former severe anxiety sufferer and emetophobe I can totally empathise.

I am nearly 9 weeks pregnant and was most scared of, ok utterly dreading the sickness. I wanted you to know that even if it does happen, you get through it!

I have been sick a few times in the past couple of weeks. I was utterly terrified the first time, hadn't been sick for 10 years before that, and my partner found me standing over the sink saying "oh please no I can't do it I don't want to" etc . But once you're there and if you have no choice, it happens and you get through it and may feel better for a while afterwards! You know how it is, the fear of the thing happening is so much worse than it actually happening. There's a reason why most emetophobics are people who are not sick very often - it's only not being sick that allows us to build up the fear!

I would recommend some reading on negative automatic thinking - the theory that anxiety sufferers automatically have negative thoughts ("I'm going to be sick / I won't be able to cope / I'll die from sickness") and can logically work our way through these thoughts. Next time you're in the grip of real panic about it, try asking yourself:

1. What am I worried will happen if I'm sick? (example answer - I won't be able to stop)
   
2. To what extent do I believe this to be true? (100%, I'm terrified!)
   
3. What evidence is there to support this view? (mmm, well even people with HG get better eventually, and most people either never throw up or do only a few times)
   
4. To what extent is my fear actually likely to come true (hopefully a lot less than 100%)
   

Sorry if that's long-winded or not helpful but I've been re-using all my old anxiety techniques so far in pregnancy, and it does seem to be helping.

And remember, the best thing about anxiety - it ALWAYS goes away eventually!!

[dunkinhobnobs]

I am another emetophobe who had the excitement of falling pregnant ruined by my phobia. I found out mine was a twin pregnancy at 6 weeks and this explained the awful nausea I was suffering. This continued for the whole 8 months I was pregnant, flooring me completely up until about 20 weeks, when I continued to feel nauseous but could control it by not getting too hungry. To my relief, during my whole pregnancy I WAS NOT SICK ONCE!! I felt then, and still do feel that I was incredibly lucky and now I amTTC again, I must admit the fears have all crept back.
All I am trying to say to you is that you may avoid being sick and that the nausea is likely to get better.
Like you, I am amazed by anyone who makes it through a HG pregnancy. I know that they do not get a choice in it but I'm not sure I could cope.
On another note, I finally sought help with my phobia when my twins were pre-school age as it was taking over my life more and more as the years went by. Although I appreciate that I will never be cured, I feel I am more in control of it than it is of me most days now and am glad I made the move and went to the Drs. If you want to ask any questions about the treatment or just chat about how rubbish it is to have the phobia, then you know where to find me.
X

[Gingerpanther27]

For what it's worth theres sweets you can get online called preggie pops which contain natural ingredients and they worked better than any anti-sickness tablets I was prescribed the website I got them off was www.purpleturtle.co.uk (I think it was co.uk) and that really helped me with the nausea and constantly been sick hope it works out :) x

[Missy28]

I am EXACTLY the same!! Don't you worry, you're not alone I panicked and panicked as soon as nausea started and I didn't leave the house for ages (I was mainly online looking up cures!). In the end, I got myself I Boots and bought some travel sickness bracelets and I swear they are a miracle! I don't even care if its just a placebo effect and it tricked my brain into not feeling sick, it worked and that's all I care about. I took them off at 14 weeks and have been ok since then (touch wood). Hope this helps! Xx

[Missy28]

Ps I work with a lady who does hypnotherapy and she advised me to think 'I'm NOT going to be sick today' every day whenever I was starting to worry. Positive thinking helps :)

[rainand]

((hug))

I also have a phobia of vomiting (though maybe not as strong as you), and though I had severe nausea, I never once did puke! In fact, at times, I wish I could puke, as to relieve the sickness. Many women actually feel relief after they have puked.

Because of the sickness, I also did not bond with the baby until my 1st scan around 13-14 weeks. I was also considering termination and felt I had pre-natal depression. I am so glad I didn't. I felt so much better once I reached three months. Honestly hang in there, it will get better once you reach three months.

[EddieVeddersfoxymop]

Another anxious emetophobe here......I had full on HG, was physically sick 20-30 times a day. I ended up hospitalised as I could keep nothing down. I couldn't cope....and had some dark moments where I wondered about ending it and terminating. I got through it though.....because I nearly got my wish and bled heavily up until 17 weeks. The fear that I might lose it made me realise that this pregnancy was wanted.

I tried medications, eating ginger stuff, sea sickness bands...but in the end had great success with acupuncture.

The sickness came back though..initial nausea at around 38 weeks on and then full on spewing the day before I went into labour.

You can do it - get talking to your GP and midwife and take it one day at a time.

[SoYo]

I am now 37 weeks pregnant and have never had emetophobia but was very sick until 16 weeks. I felt the same as you in terms of no positive feelings towards the baby/pregnancy (to the point that I thought of it, semi-jokingly only, as a parasite and often referred to it as such). It's difficult when you're so ill to convince yourself to have positive feelings towards something that seems so far off and unreal but is currently making you feel like you have the world's worst hangover every day. I am now well in pregnancy and have been since then but still don't feel massive rushes of excitement. I definitely now feel very protective towards the Bubba and have done since it started moving and got past the 24 week mark but I don't feel overwhelming love and I don't think I will until after delivery. I was really worried about this but thanks to honest friends, mumsnet and various other things I now know this is totally normal and not something to feel guilty about!

The really positive thing about you is that you recognise that you need some extra help with this, which is very reassuring! Your best bet is a referral to your local perinatal mental health team which either your midwife or GP can sort (I would advise asking to see a different GP as they will form part of your support network).