Advice on training dd who is not bothered by wet nappies or pants but nursery in Sept will be...

[extremelychocolateymilkroll]

Dd will be 3 in August and has never shown any signs of readiness to be toilet trained. Wet or dirty nappies do not bother her and it's only in the last month or so that she has started to say "I'm not doing a poo" when she is doing a poo. I have a 4 month old and when I was pregnant didn't have the energy to try to train her - especially as she didn't seem to be ready. Now we have just found out we have got her a place at a state nursery from September and they require the kids to be fully toilet trained. So, resolved to start her this week using the stay at home and nappies off (apart from nap and night of course) routine. She had croup at the weekend so thought about delaying it but she seemed better Monday so went for it that day - though later in the day she seemed to have developed a cold. She sat on the potty a few times but then said she wanted to use the big loo. This was fine and she can get up on the loo herself and pull her pants down but she hasn't done a wee or a poo in the loo yet. Will often say that "poo is coming out" and sometimes looks as though it might be but often it's because she wants a sticker. Yesterday after her lunch she was on the loo happily for at least 30 minutes as we read books. Then took her off, put on a nappy and 5 minutes later I checked her nappy and it was really wet. Monday and Tuesday she had 3 accidents with wee - seems to have no idea when she is going to do a wee - and today no accidents but nor has she weed in the loo. I have left her for a minute or so to clear up the accidents but wet knickers don't seem to bother her. Her cold has got worse but she's been quite happy to wear pants and get on the loo. I know it's early days but is this pattern familiar to anyone? I have read various posts saying that you have to wait until your children are ready and that this can be when they are over 3 but I have nursery in mind - although I know it's a little way off. Any advice - especially if your dcs have not been bothered by wet nappies or pants - how long has it taken you to potty train them? TIA

[purepurple]

Hi, I am a nursery nurse and I work with 2 and 3 year olds and the situation you describe sounds very fimiliar to me
I firmly believe that children need to have accidents before they are toilet trained. They need to feel the experiemce of having a full bladder and the consequences if you don't get to the toilet on time.
I have recently successfully toilet trained several children.
if you can, keep her in knickers and let her have the accidents (easier if you don't have carpets, I know). She has the control, as she demonstrated by not having a wee all day. Just keep on doing what you are doing, I expect she will be fine by September and you will be wondering what you were so worried about.

[extremelychocolateymilkroll]

Thanks very much purepurple. The thing is - and I know it's early days - but when she had the first accident the shock of it made her cry so of course told her not to worry etc but this has now made her just come and say excitedly "I've had an accident". She doesn't seem to mind the consequence. I've tried saying that friends of hers don't have accidents so we need to try and get to the loo but it doesn't seem to be registering. Also, her bottom gets a bit red and uncomfortable after a long time on the toilet seat - we've got the booster seat from the 3 in 1 potty from Mothercare www.mothercare.com/Summer-Infant-Blue-Potty/dp/B002UCWTPU/sr=1-11/qid=1277916204/ref=sr_1_11/275-276 7038-1510663?_encoding=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=406797031&mcb=core. Is there something else we should be using which is more comfortable?

Thanks again for taking the trouble to read and respond to such a long post!

[purepurple]

I would just put the knickers on her and just let her play, and not get her to sit on the toilet for too long at a time, just a couple of minutes at the most.
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to make a big issue out of it. Try to think of it as helping her to recognise the signs that she needs a wee, not in spending a lot of time on the toilet trying to 'catch' the right moment.
If she learns to rely on you to tell her when she needs to go to the toilet, it will take longer.

[pigletmania]

My dd was like this, she is 3.4 and is doing really well. I started training in mid April, I knew she was ready as a handful of times she would tell me she needed a wee and I put her on the potty and she did one. She had no concept of wet/dry, liked being in wet pooey knickers and nappies and was basically like a baby. Just stick her in knickers, put her on the potty at certain times of the day and reward with a chocci button everytime she did a wee in the potty.

At first I had to put her on the potty every hour so that she would get used to it and in a routine. If she wet she wet, I would get her to take her wet pants off with help and get her to help me clean up the mess so realised consequences of her actions. In time she learned when she had to go and would wee on the potty/toilet regularly. Then she wanted to do it by herself. We are at the stage now where she knows she needs to go and can take herself to the potty but forgets to pull down her pants but that will come in time. Keep at it, take advantage of this lovely weather.

[extremelychocolateymilkroll]

Thanks again purepurple and thanks pigletmania.

Dd seems to have good bladder control in that she only had no accidents yesterday but neither did she wee or poo in the loo but did wee and poo in a nappy shortly after having had a nappy put on. Today she had an accident en route to the loo - in the bathroom - which I guess is progress - but had been saying for half an hour or so before that that she needed to do a poo. It seems like she may be afraid of doing a wee or a poo in the loo. It's hard to stay positive as she has started to play up quite a bit in general over the last couple of weeks.

[pigletmania]

Thats ok, just relax about it. It sounds like she will get there soon. When she is on the potty/toilet sing her songs, read to her, give her lots to drink too that helped. If she does something, give her a choccie button or something like that, reward charts did not work for my dd, she wanted instant gratification. As the weather got better i just left her running round outside with pants and put a potty in the garden. When i saw her hiding (to do a wee/poo) i would stop her and get her to use the toilet by being positive and making it light harted.

What also helped that I learned from the no cry potty training book is to make a photo scrapbook of photos of her in a nappy, pictures of her 'big girl' pants, her on the toilet and potty and made up a story about it. I also took pictures of her wee and poo so she could recognise the difference. It worked she loved the book with pictures of her from nappy to big girl pants and the story that went with it. Sorry about the long response

[extremelychocolateymilkroll]

Thanks so much for your response piglet. It's good to know that you think she will get there soon. I think the photo scrapbook sounds like a great idea - especially as she doesn't seem to be able to differentiate between a wee and a poo. She hasn't done a poo at all since Wednesday - despite beetroot and prune juice yesterday - so expecting to see some poo today at some point. She had a dry nappy this morning and did a big wee in the loo this morning about an hour after her breakfast - again after having said that she needed to do a poo. Had to put her in a nappy to take her to her class but nothing in the nappy when we came back nor after her lunch. Will see what happens after her nap.

[pigletmania]

My dd 3.4 was a very reluctant potty trainer, would rather wallow in wet and dirty nappies i was in despair. I thought that she would never get there, especially when most of my friends children of the same age where potty trainined sucessfully from 18 months old. I thought what the hell, she has to do it so vowed to wash as many wet/dirty pants as i need to get there, and eventually it clicked. The weather has been great since April so I thought that it would be silly to have my dd in a nappy, when she can run round the garden in her pants. i also put a potty in there too which she uses.

I believe that kids should be allowed to have accidents as thats how they learn. There seems to be this negative thing about them but turn them into positives, every accident is a learning process for the child.

[extremelychocolateymilkroll]

Thanks again piglet. Glad to hear it's clicked with your dd. We have had some success - no accidents yesterday or today so far but could only do a poo once she had a nappy put on before bed last night. Quite a few false alarms before she managed to wee in the loo - and she got quite upset just before she weed - but how pleased she was when she did. Just need to somehow get over the poo fear. She had a whole beetroot at lunchtime so I'm expecting that will have some effect fairly soon.

[pigletmania]

MY dd is hit and miss with poo, sometimes in the loo sometimes in the pants, i just think that eventually they will get it, after all who wants to go to school with pooey pants. Just be relaxed, prunes, apricots, plenty of fibre, eventually it has to come out. my dd held it in for 3 days and it just came out yesterday some in the loo, then a second time in her pants. just thought nevermind. if you are relaxed about it they will be too.

[extremelychocolateymilkroll]

Thanks piglet. Dd pooed in the loo for the first time on Sunday and again yesterday morning. She did wake up at 4am in tears saying she had done a poo in her nappy and it was very hard. She then spent all day saying that a poo was coming but no poo came. Beetroot and prune juice seem to be helping but I've been reluctant to give her too much as don't want to go the other way but may have to risk this and give her more. Thanks again.