Need advice from those who had/have reluctant potty trainees

[catski]

We started potty training DS at easter when he was 2.11. I wouldn't say that he was showing any real signs of being ready but he has to be 'out of nappies' by the time he starts his new pre-school in august.

We spent the first few days in doors and it went okay, but he rarely tells us that he needs to go - we always have to take him at regular intervals or there is an accident, but if he's taken regularly he will we and poo on command in the toilet.

Until a couple of weeks ago. We went on holiday and as there was a long journey there we put a nappy on him (I know, I know) as we didn't know when we'd have access to the toilet and he doesn't let us know when he needs to go.

Since then he's been having a lot more accidents - doesn't often pee all over, but there tends to be a constant wet patch on his pants - enough to change his pants but not enough to change his trousers. He doesn't seem bothered by damp pants and the novelty of going to the loo seems to have worn off.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to nappies especially as he has to be out of them for august, but I'm at a loss as to how to deal with this regression. Any advice?

[bumbums]

Hi, we had a similar thing with our DS who's now 3.1yrs. We started our second go at training him the day after his birthday. We used a lot of bribary and cajolling to get him to go on potty regularly. But it really did feel like it was something we were doing to him rather than from his own motivation.
The past week we've had him bare bottomed the whole day apart from outings obviously and its made a big difference. He has to take himself to potty or there's a mess and he knows he's not meant to do that. I actually got a little stern with him about the accidents. Not cross but firm that I expected him to do better.
I think bare bottom and let him decide when to go is a good way for him to learn that this change in his life is something he's in control of. I still make my DS go at cretain times as a matter of routine. First thing in morning. 15mins after a big drink. before meals and bath.
Also try and reignight your excitment at his successes. We went to a birthday party on the last bank holiday weekend and I explained to him that if he remembered to go to the toilet and went when I asked him and his pants were clean and dry when we got home then he could have a present. (a comic)
He did it and the success bouyed him on to the next day.
Hope something I've said is of use.

[maxybrown]

Oh I need help too! DS is almost 2.9 he cannot really talk but very clever and undestanding spot on. Since Sunday he has been using the potty but the same as above it is mainly me telling him to try and I have left him bare bottomed too.

Yesterday he weed on the floor and said "oh" in a never mind tone and a cheeky look on his face grrrrr. I appreciate he will still have accidents but I do truly believe he would not go at all if I did not say. Before now he seemed to have no idea at all when he needed a wee - but on Sunday i stripped him and left potty in the room. I was washing up and he came into the kitchen holding a full potty - so I had presumed he had taken himself onto the potty, but now I am thinking he had just sat on it for the hell of it and he happened to wee when he sat there what to do - leave it a while or.....? He goes beserk if you try and put pants on him too

[seeker]

If he's not ready, he's not ready. Pressure off, back to nappies. Then try again in a month or so. If the time is right, you don't have to "train" - it just happens. Promise!

Oh and pre-schools aren't allowed to say they have to be out of nappies. They will say they won't take them, but they have to!

[catski]

Thanks for the replies and advice.

I do agree with you seeker, and in an ideal world we would wait until he asked for pants However, I'm not in the UK (sweden) and the school have made it very clear that if a child arrives one morning in a nappy they will be sent home again. I think it's insane and outrageous but it's the only bilingual school in our area and has a very long waiting list so I don't want to turn his spot down.

I think he has a funamental laziness\lack of motivation (which would make sense bearing in mind his parentage) and we rather screwed everything up on holiday - we were at the beach every day and he was probably peeing quite happily in his trunks in the sea and got used to it.

We've been emphasising how brilliant it is when he has dry pants and letting him have some popcorn if he goes a whole day without wetting them, and the last two days have been a success. Hope it continues that way, but I know we won't really have cracked it until he starts telling us that he needs to go.

I will try the bare bottomed thing in july when he is at home if we are no further forward.

[pigletmania]

Mine is in the same situation as yours, dd is 3.3 years and knows when she needs to go and recognises the signs but just is lazy, sometimes she will take herself to the potty/toilet sometimes not as she is too busy and leaves it for the last miniute so theres an accident. At first she was really good with the toilet, would wee on comand in it, now she wants to go herself not when i take her, but leaves it to the last second. I would not put him back in nappies as it will be like going back and would confuse him tbh. Just keep going and eventually he will get used to it, just be relaxed and calm about it. Knowing my dd she would happily be in nappies till 6.

As its summer its easy to wash and dry clothes, and at home he could just be in his pants. I found that dd was more aware of her body functions and learned to control her bladdar much better than in nappies. They have to learn sometime imo

[girlbythesea]

Is that true - that pre-schools can't demand that your child is our of nappies? Ours said they would cope with accidents, but wanted them out of nappies. I think we hurried our DD a little to get her into nursery, she is fine with pees, but the pooing is hopeless. I am hoping that putting her into the wraparound care at the pre-school will help - does anyone have experience of outsiders making it work where paremnts can't? My understanding from some people my parents' age is that toilet training was often taken care of by the nursery or childminder and it wasn't all down to the mother to get right...

[lovechoc]

if you are out and about get a spare potty for the car when on long journeys and stop the car regularly so that he can use the potty. this is what we've done with DS (he's 3.2yo) and now dry. Took several weeks though, didn't just happen instantly. It's very hard work but you have to persevere with it.

Not sure your DS will have to be out of nappies though by pre-school, surely it's now classed as another milestone?? no harm in putting the effort in until then though, and see how you get on.

The way we started it was DS was put on the potty at regular intervals for 3-4 weeks and then gradually he started to initiate using the potty on his own after this so little intervention from myself or DH (apart from wiping his bottom after a poo!). If he's showing readiness I'd keep going with the training.

[lovechoc]

oops just realised you're in Sweden - sorry didn't read your other post first

[Tarenath]

Apologies in advance, this will probably be a long post.

We have been potty training ds for 13 months so have quite a lot of experience of what causes regression etc and different strategies. We initially started potty training when ds was 2.3 after he was having some nappy free time and wandered in to tell us he'd done a wee on the potty. Shortly after that he was clean and dry but various things have triggered regression (new baby, two bereavements and both DH and I starting new jobs to name a few) and now it's a case of he either can't be bothered or gets too involved in what he's doing.

The last trigger for regression was about 5 weeks ago when I put a pull up over his pants as we were going on a 2 hour coach journey with no loo. I'm really annoyed about that one as we'd also just had a spate of dry nights too and haven't had a dry night since!

Obviously different things work with different children but I've learned with ds that harassing him to go to the toilet will have the opposite effect and he will have MORE accidents. Like yours ds he doesn't have full blown accidents but leaks a fair bit before taking himself, or me noticing and sending him. He's now 3.4 btw.

A couple of weeks ago someone suggested, instead of reminding him all the time, make sure he knows when everyone else around him uses the toilet so he knows it's normal and it gest him thinking about it. So whenever anyone in the house goes to the toilet we make sure to tell ds (and make sure he replies!) Since then we've had a lot more dry pants. The only 'bad' times we've had are if he zombies out in front of the tv, or when he didn't have much to drink the day before so his system was flushing out and wees came on so suddenly he got no warning!

[Tarenath]

Lol, just noticed this thread is a month old. Hope you've cracked potty training now!

[LaTourEiffel]

Tarenath, your post has given me some hope - we've been toilet training DS1 for about 14 months now and still going...

He was virtually dry before DS1 arrived (9 months ago now) and does pretty well at remembering to wee on the potty, i can cope with the odd accident her and there...

But the poos are an utter disaster, he just poos in his pants, all the time, he makes no effort at all to do them on the loo. I don't know what else to try...

We've done the ignoring, we've done stickers, stickers with rewards, disapproval (not punishment), reminding, not reminding, long clean-ups, quick clean-ups...



Another two poos in pants today.

He starts at primary school pre-school in about 6 weeks time, am hoping that some miracle occurs before then. If anyone has any advice, magic wands, I'm open to any suggestions now!