DS is 3.6. This is day three of the THIRD attempt, still no success at all. Should I give up again?

[HumphreyCobbler]

We have also been taking off his nappy whenever we are in the garden. Not one wee or poo in a potty.

He is now refusing to do a poo at all and is holding it in. Three days now, this is not good.

I am starting to lose my cool. I know it shouldn't matter.

What should I do now, keep trying or give up again? He is dry at night, and is now at least willing to sit on the loo or a potty, so we have made some progress.

He is impervious to bribery or I would try that.

I could cry I am so stressed. Hopefully he is not aware of my feelings, I have been very positive. It isn't the mess that is getting to me, it is just the way he gets up from the potty only to do a wee on the carpet.

[waitingforbedtime]

Am bit confused by

We have also been taking off his nappy whenever we are in the garden

Have you completely taken him out of nappies all day though?

I think Id back off again maybe for a few weeks tbh and then start again - maybe iwth a reward chart?

Ds was out of nappies at 2y7m approx BUT he has only just started pooing in the toilet / potty. we tried everything including backing off for ages etc but finally seem to be making progress with a reward chart

Dont feel the pressure though i know it is hard.

[waitingforbedtime]

PS How verbal is he? Have you asked him why he doesnt want to poo / pee in the toilet etc?

Ds was scared for some reason.

[HumphreyCobbler]

He is pretty talkative, although a late starter there too.

He just blanks us and talks about something else, you can never get him to discuss stuff if he isn't prepared to.

[JustKeepSwimming]

Well DS1 was 3.9 i think when we started, he showed no interest previously.

One thing that did seem to help, after a rocky start, was ridiculous ott bribery.

Eg:

• collect at pre-sch; have you had an accident?

no = choc button

• if you make it to the corner without an accident...choc button
• if you make it to the next corner...choc button
• if you make it home...choc button
• if you have a try as soon as we get in...button

success = extra button & sticker on chart

• no accident through lunch - button
• try again after lunch - button

ad nauseam.

It worked.
and choc buttons are cheap if you buy the big bags

And, he's now just 4 and no his teeth haven't fallen out and yes he will go to the loo without needing a button now!

Practical matters (in case you aren't already):

Potty on a big towel, as near to him as poss.
Let him watch tv whilst sitting on potty.
Try a potette as they are slightly bigger, if your ds is big (mine found potties too small).
And keep up the enthusiasm (i found this hard tbh), set a timer to go off every 20mins, he must sit on potty when timer goes. If accidents are happening before the 20mins, lower the time to 15mins.
Every attempt is a button.
Every success is something else - we bought special 'sparkly buttons' (buttons with sprinkles stuck on) for successes, plus stickers on a chart.
Stickers built up to small prizes, building up to a bigger prize.
Can't think of anything else, but i would keep going for now as you are making progress

[JustKeepSwimming]

Oh yes and NO NAPPY on at all, apart from bedtime. scary but just do it

I even took DS1 to the theatre with the potette during the early days, he had to sit on it pre-show, interval & end of show (with buttons each time obv!), no successes but no accidents either.

[HumphreyCobbler]

sorry, missed your first post.

We have done three days of no nappies again this time, but since the last attempt he has had his nappy off in the garden to help him become aware of it all.

I think the reward chart thing is a non starter with DS, he is totally impervious to bribery and wouldn't care about having a sticker if it wasn't forthcoming that very minute.

I will probably back off again, it is just that I AM starting to feel the pressure, on his behalf more than mine. I don't want him to be so far behind. Also DD (20m) is showing real signs of readiness to train and I don't want to miss the boat with her.

[HumphreyCobbler]

Missed yours too JustKeepSwimming - some great ideas thank you.

Think I need to keep my enthusiasm up then - it is a good time to try as it is half term.

[HumphreyCobbler]

Think that kind of bribery would work better - he doesn't really do delayed gratification...

[waitingforbedtime]

Ds doesnt do delayed gratification either!

He gets a sticker on his chart and a wee toy every time (but he only poos every 2/3 days so more workable than with pees I guess) - just a wee pound shop toy and when he reaches the end of a row (8 stickers) he gets a bigger prize. However, if I had a kid who cared about food AT ALL I wouldve done the sweetie / chocolate approach but ds just is nto motivated by food at all.

Good luck.

[waitingforbedtime]

Sorry for over use of 'wee' = little. No pun intended!

[JustKeepSwimming]

LOL WFB

HC - separate issues here really.

1. is he ready? DS1 was so slow to be ready at all, we had tried before with no success or progress at all, and i just stopped, said he wasn't ready and we carried on with nappies.
   
   
2. Society: Lots of pressure, from PIL, other mums, even pre-sch. I struggled to resist it but i'm glad i did as it all went pretty smoothly in the end. But it is much easier to get 'swept along' and feel you have to do it/he has to do it, now. 'I mean my DD was dray at xmonths, fgs'...yadda yadda.
   IMO boys are always slower than girls, with the age gap and sexes you have, it'll easily be DD having more success than DS first. Don't stress, let her go at her pace, and him at his.
   You can try the 'oh well done DD for a wee in the potty, come and get your special sweetie & sticker, ooh look nearly at the toy' etc. lines, they may work.
   
   The bottom (lol) line is, if he's not ready, he's not ready. If you honestly feel you and he have tried properly for 3+ days, then quit. no talk about it, just nappies back on, move on.
   Set another date - end of term? to try again.
   
   We started in a half term too (Feb?) and i was prepared to quit and try again at Easter. (DS1 was 4 in May, so pretty old really by anyone's standards, and i was also prepared to spend the summer holidays (pre-school!!!) doing it.
   
   good luck

[Booboobedoo]

The only thing that worked with DS was being totally naked from the waist down all the time.

We've got stripped floors, so just took up the rugs and put a potty in every room.

Also, offered a choc button for every wee and a whole packet of chocolate buttons if he pooed in the potty. (So many of them seem to be worried about that).

Also a nice bedtime book about a little boy who learned to ue his potty. (Can't remember which one).

Oh, and a sticker every time he managed.

If he did it on the floor I just cleared it up and smiled at him.

[HumphreyCobbler]

Thank you for your responses.

It is helpful to hear that I still have time - it is ridiculous to be so worked up. I have woken in the night and worried about this. TBH no one in RL is giving me any of those annoying comments, it is just that everyone else trained successfully months ago. It is hard to ignore. I have been trying so hard not to worry about it that it has just caught up with me and I have started to panic a bit.

I actually think he can't be ready yet and I should try again later. He has not given any indication that he knows when a wee is coming and he is starting to get distressed by the mess himself (we don't mind that bit at all).

[JustKeepSwimming]

HC - he sounds like my DS when we tried the time before we succeeded, no idea a wee was coming, would just stand there looking down like 'oh, what's that?!'

IMO abandon and try in the summer

Of course, if he ever asks, go with it and all that.

[HumphreyCobbler]

Ok, I will



thanks