DD Back in nappies after 7 months in pants - what now?

[sleepdeprivedby2]

I am at my wits end with potty training and just don't know where to go from here. We started potty training DD (3.4) in November (3rd attempt) and she has been in pants since then. Despite her being dry and clean for long periods at a time in the beginning she has been steadily having more and more accidents since March. In the last 3 months she has had multiple daily accidents which I have just been treating lightly and changing her with not much fuss.
I am 99% sure that it is all behavioural as she is capable of being dry for the whole night (insisted in being in pants 4 night time 2) and when promised with a trip out to a theme park that she loves she managed to completely dry for a week and a half! That was until her little brothers first birthday when the floodgates opened again.
This is an example of her behaviour. Yesterday morning we all went swimming and had a really nice time at the pool. When we got home from the pool the cat had killed a bird in the kitchen and while we were trying to clean up the feathers we heard DD singing that Lofty (who she was playing with at the time) needed a wee-wee. I went in to discover that she had wet herself and was driving lofty through the puddle. I calmly told her to go and sort herself out and asked her to clean up the mess. After much screaming and messing about later (with DH and I ignoring the performance)she was changed. After dinner we needed to go out and she was lying on the sofa when I noticed that she was wet again, so I calmly told her to go and change and to hurry up about it as we needed to go out. There then ensued even more screaming in the toilet and even more performances about getting dressed (putting 2 socks on one foot, insisting she wants a skirt on and the bag of clothes only contains trousers etc etc etc)which resulted in DH threatening to go out without her if she was not ready in 5 minutes and amazingly she was then able to do it! When we got to the shops she had fallen asleep in the car and an hour later she woke up and mumbled something about a wee-wee so DH asked her if she needed to go which was met by not answering and more mumbling so we dropped it and went home. As soon as she got home she laid down on the sofa and after about 5 minutes she started whining for mummy (we were putting the shopping away) at which point I went in to find that she had had a full wee on our brand new sofas. At this point DH and I did shout a her as we are soooooo fed up of her wetting herself and the mountains of washing that she is creating and we gave her no choice but to go back into pull-ups which she is also in today.
Sorry this is so long but as you can see we just don't know where to go from here. We have been ignoring this and acting calmly for months. We don't nag her to go to the toilet or give her any attention for the accidents. She is given a treat for every toilet visit and a prize for every 8 lego men she gets to the fire station and she has been promised a trip to Thomas Land if she is clean n dry for a week, so all of the incentives are there she is just not bothered! It seems the more we ignore the more extreme her behaviour is becoming just to get the attention and it's not that she doesn't get the attention the rest of the time. So my question is where do we go from here, do we keep her in pull-ups for a set period and then try again or do we insist that she is dry in pull-ups for a certain amount of time or do we continue to grit our teeth and put her back in pants (which is what she wants).
Thanks in advance for any advice and I feel better for having a rant here and thanks for getting this far.

[Fandangos]

Hi, I'm afraid I have no advice for you (my DD is not yet potty trained), just wanted you to know that I feel your pain, that is indeed a confusing and frustrating situation. I hope there's someone on here that can offer some help x

[Pawslikepaddington]

First of all, get her checked out for a bladder infection.

I would never ask dd if she wanted a wee as she would always say no. I always took her every time I went and made her "try", and if she ever mumbled anything about a wee she was taken straight to the toilet.

For every time she goes on the loo she gets a sticker. For every time she misses she gets a sticker taken away. Heaps of praise every time she goes. Every time she misses, not a word to her. Do not tell her to get dressed/clean up etc. Clean her up and get her dressed without any eye contact or talking. However, if she is poorly then one of the first signs was an accident with dd. I think it is also maybe a bit of jealousy re ds-she is just feeling like she is on unsure ground, so don't be too hard on her. You have never been through this before, but neither has she.

[vnewmummy]

If I were you is it possible to go back to square 1 and stay in for a day or 2? No destractions?

I have just potty trained my DD and it was such hard work. However, she was so embarassed when she had accidents at home and nursery I think she just wanted to try and be a big girl. (she is 2.4)

I know others may tell me off for saying this but how do you think she would react if you said she was a little baby again and her other friends are big girls.... My DD really wants to think she is a big girl and will do anything to prove to me that she is!

So sorry if this hasn't helped... xx

[vnewmummy]

ps - I would not go back to pull ups x

[QSBooooo]

To be honest, with that much weeing I would be concerned she might have a urinary infection.

I also wonder if it is a stage they go through, as I remember my friend was at her wits end about her 3-4 year old dd, who was potty trained but kept wetting.

[sleepdeprivedby2]

Thanks for all of the advice. Unfortunately we have had another disastrous day on the potty training front.
I gave DD the choice this morning of pull-ups or pants and she chose pants but as you can see below it has not gone well.
1 wee in the potty when she woke up
1 wee at playgroup and continued playing in it until I noticed she was wet
1 wee on the carpet when we got home.
2 wees on the potty through her trousers (she thinks this is very funny and proudly told DH when he got home)
1 wee on the conservatory sofa (came into the lounge and then sat on the lounge sofa smirking at DH until he noticed the wet patch)
1 wee in the potty before bed after much coercion .
This is despite me being calm all day and praising her every time she sat on the potty/toilet and rewarding her with sweets too. We have repeatedly tried to talk to her about it but she just avoids all eye contact and fiddles with whatever is near.
I have decided to take her to the doctors just to be 100% that it is nothing medical but in the meantime we have decided to keep her in pull-ups as tbh we all need a break from it.

[QSnondomicile]

This is probably a silly question, but how often do you remind her or make her go on the potty?

With my two, I would make them go in the morning, after breakfast before leaving the house, then before leaving nursery, then before dinner, then after dinner, etc....

[CoteDAzur]

It sounds like she doesn't realize it is a Bad Thing to pee in her pants and all over the house.

Start getting angry with her.

[Fel1x]

With the smirking and telling you what she has done proudly, it does sound like an attention thing tbh.
Not sure how you could go about not giving her any attention for doing it though.
How about reversing the incentives thing and have a chart instead where you tell her you will be going to legoland in 2 weeks time and this chart has 20 squares marked on it. Every time she wets herslf you cross off a square and if she crosses all 20 the trip is cancelled?
Or put her on time out so no attention for 3 minutes every time she does it?
and really give lots of attention at all other times as MUCH as you can possibly fit in for a few days until she starts to get it more

[sleepdeprivedby2]

Thanks QSnondomicile but if I try and make her go on the potty then she just insists that she doesn't need one and starts getting all upset and throwing tantrums. I think part of the problem is that if she stops playing to go to the toilet then she thinks DS is going to come and take/move what she is playing with. I have tried to assure her that if this is the case then I will ensure she gets them back and a few times I have hidden them from DS while she is away!

[sleepdeprivedby2]

Fel1x I think your idea of reversing the incentives is genious. We are both off work one day next week and are planning a trip somewhere so we shall give this a go and see what happens.
In the meantime we are just giving her lots of praise for any attempt on the toilet no matter how small.
She has gone to nursery today (in pants as she got all upset at the sight of the pull-up and we didn't have the heart) so at least they get to deal with the mess and not me.

[pigletmania]

Invest in some training pants they are wonderful, they are in between nappies and pants, and are made of terry toweling with a wanterproof layer in between. Keeps wees off the carpet, sofa, or floor. I really like them. It does sound behavioural to me and attention seeking though get her checked out at the doctors too, to rule out any infection.

[sleepdeprivedby2]

Thanks everyone for your advice and support .
We went to the doctors yesterday and as expected there is no urine infection she is just to stubborn to pee.
We have been giving her lots of praise and rewards for any trips to the toilet and she seems to be a bit better (at the very least the wash mountain seems to be going down ).
Going to the sea side tomorrow as a reward for her good behaviour (thanks Fel1x) so all fingers crossed that it continues and the only time her trousers get wet is because she got splashed by the sea.