Help! regression...

[Charl1eLamb]

Hello everyone. I need a sanity check please.

Our 3.5 year old boy is a few weeks into PT. We tried a year ago but it didnt work out. Anyway, we were doing ok and certainly he knows what to do with his muscles.

In the last week he has regressed hugely and now either refuses to go near a potty or toilet, or sits on it, doesn't go and then wets himself a few minutes later.

First time mum and dad without many friends to talk to as their kids are either grown up or 'got it' straight away.

We're at the end of our tether and don't know what to do

Do we 'make' him sit on the toilet. How do you do that without physically restraining him?

When he wets himself, what do we do? He would stay wet for hours without a care in the world. Do we drag him screaming to the toilet and change him in there? (I dont like the idea of dragging him screaming...)

I suspect we're being far too soft on him but would appreciate your help

[Sootgremlin]

Not much experienced advice from me as such, but I was/am in a similar situation with my 3.4 year old. This is our third try and so far, so good

My gut feeling is that forcing him or otherwise pressurising him in regard to this is wrong and will be counterproductive in the longterm, frustrating as it is. I think the only solution is to back right off. IMO you can't force them to be ready, you just have to continue creating an environment that enables them to do it themselves. He might surprise you.

From my limited view, and based on other aspects of parenting, the more you pressure them to do things, the more you create a problem.

I am trying to offer my ds as much control as possible, within quite firm limits. I'm trying jolly school teacher, no nonsense tone, rather than pleading desperate mum tone! So potty or toilet? Mum in the room or outside? Try before lunch or after? Which book while you try? Etc and it seems to be working, after a fashion. A month ago he got so distressed we put him back in nappies, so feel your pain!

[Charl1eLamb]

Thanks, its just nice to know we are not alone. We've concluded he is attention seeking. He didn't do a single potty wee at nursery today, but twice at least smiled at his carer before wetting himself. we are therefore stopping the "disappoint face" and just carrying on. Changing him without fuss and in the loo.

doesn't help that the grandparents are all looking at us like we are failing, but i think theyve forgotten how tough it was 40 years ago!

[Sootgremlin]

Yes, in that case I would absolutely go with as little reaction as possible, like you say, make changes as boring as possible. Try and give him as much attention/one on one time as possible at other, more positive times and hopefully he will stop using wetting to get it and move on!

I had to do the same thing with a hitting phase. You just have to try and not get emotionally affected by what it is their doing and be as indifferent as possible. Good luck, it is a slog!