Toilet training for 14 months - at the end of my tether

[RumbleMum]

In desperate need of some advice!

DS1 is 4.2 and we started potty training in May last year. There was some resistance initially but we overcame it with Fruit Pastilles.

Since then, we've gone backwards and forwards on the wee front - he'll be dry for weeks and months at a time then suddenly regress for no apparent reason. Poos have been trickier but by the beginning of this year we thought we'd cracked it as he was clean for months.

DS starts school in September and right now he's barely getting anything in the toilet - the best we can hope for a lot of the time is a semi-accident and the rest in the toilet. I don't think this is related to school as this regression pre-dates any discussion about school and he's excited and looking forward to it.

In the past, I've done the whole endless-positivity-and-star-charts-and-no-negative-comment and it simply doesn't work - there are no consequences so nothing changes. We've found the best combination is sweet/small rewards and/or a star chart combined with taking a favoured toy away for a day or two when things get really bad - a carrot AND stick approach.

Right now NOTHING is working and it's getting worse. I've just tried a week and a half of only rewards and no negative consequences (because I know you're not meant to pile the pressure on or be negative) and things have got significantly worse. This evening I've lost it, thrown all his pants out, put his star chart in the bin, sent the star chart reward (some highly desired Lego) back and said tomorrow he's wearing nappies and if he can't do his wees and poos in the toilet then he can't go to school.

I know this is an awful thing to do and makes me sound like a terrible Mum but I simply don't know what else to do. I don't think there is a medical problem as he was dry and clean for several months before this.

Please, Mumsnetters, any advice welcome!

[Millipedewithherfeetup]

If I was you, I would take a trip to your Gp, this is a long time to be trying, I get your frustration and think I would feel the same as you, so don, t beat yourself up over it, seek professional help. Good luck op hope it works out well for you both.

[CarCiKoTab]

You are not a terrible mum at all, I've had trouble with potty training my second and we have tried everything. The annoying thing is he know's what he is doing and positivity definitely would not work. All I can suggest is take him to the GP's if you feel that is what is best or just persist he'll get there eventually.

[BranchingOut]

Sympathies. I won't go into our own situation, but let's just say it took us over 18 months to really get wees sorted out... We are under the paediatrician now.

[northyorksbelle]

Rumblemum I have just realised that I am 21 months in now. I have tried everything under the sun to no avail (mine has not had a single dry day in all that time). I have now reverted back to bribery - I offer him a palm full (his palm full) of sweet treats in return for a pee. The last 2 days have been dry. As on my other posts I am not sure if this can be counted as a success however as he is not doing it himself.

[Fruitsaladmum]

Have you tried no treats, no negativity just getting him to sit on potty every hour or so for a bit until he gets back in the habit of going in the potty.
I found that giving my son treats for poos was useful in the beginning but later on when he knows what he is doing it put too much emphasis on something that is just a normal thing.
The 'treat' for doing a poo was that we would go and put it in the toilet (and he got to flush it) and the consequence of doing it in pants is you needed your pants changed (and sometimes you had to wait in wet pants if mum was busy). Then lots of positive attention for other things unrelated to potty training.

What I found helped with poos was giving him a favourite book to read while he sat on the potty and putting him on the potty at the time that he usually went.

[fukkigucci]

I think you should visit a dr.

Saying that, when my daughter had a regression, what worked for us, was completely ignoring it when she told us. And then when she did say something, i would change her without any comments, in a very distracted manner. So there wasn't a positive or negative reaction.
(However, I am sure that her regression was related to some emotional stuff that was going on at the time, and not actually a physical problem).