Despairing over training spirited toddler!

[nickilalala]

Hi :-)
This is my first post on Mumsnet, I'd really appreciate some input from you more experienced ones who have been there done that with potty training. I'm stuck in a situation I never wanted to be in with potty training my 27 month old. She started using the potty we left in the living room just after her second birthday and seemed happy, so we went with it and it all was going so well until she caught food poisoning, then so many accidents and tears (from both of us, it was very frustrating!) ensued so I communicated with her and we agreed we'd put nappies/pull ups back on. She'd clearly lost her confidence, and the illness knocked her for six.

So we did that for a few weeks and it was a bit awful, as it was a weird limbo - she was half trained and sometimes wanted to use the potty, othertimes she'd go in the pull up and was fine with that!
After then we started again and really went for it, with extra stickers for a chart and books and Elmo's Potty Time. And again, it's all gone well enough - probably averaging an accident every day or two which semed great. She's been dry at night for a week and a half with one night time accident. She generally seems to like using the potty ad says she does when I ask her about it, and loves going to get her sticker.

The biggest problem is that she's not one that I can march to the loo or even tell her to go sit on the potty/toilet, she just plain won't do it, and would rather it seems hold on until she bursts and has the Niagra of accidents! Like tonight she skipped her daytime nap and was really tired, when I asked her which of the potties she'd like to use before bed (something she's been gradually accepting doing it was a fight at first) she went mad shouting she didn't want to - the very suggestion of trying to do a wee even if she doesn't need to sends her into a rage! (I appreciate she was tired and they often don't want to do anythinhg when tired - is this a common potty training thing?) She quite often will just go on her own and seems so pleased with herself, but 30% of the time I'm asking her and she's flat out refusing and getting upset. She likes using toilets out and about thankfully. I've tried talking to her about it but she goes a bit blank - another thing that makes me think sometims that it's maybe too much for her.

It is SO frustrating; I feel at times like actually she's not mentally ready, but we've come so far and I just can't go back to pull ups and nappies and back to that weird half way there point, but I'm not sure I can just quit either. I feel I need to push on but that I'm in for a real stuggle - but maybe this is just normal!?? I try so hard to remain positive, but the other day after a whole afternoon of being really chipper when asking her 'Does your body tell you to do any wees?' or similar, she just weed all over the living room floor, and I just couldn't help crying as I was cleaning it up and she saw and gave me a hug - I felt dreadful, but I'm feeling like we've both ended up in a situation we don't want to be in now :( It's been a month and a half of attempt #2.
I really could do with some encouragement or advice, it's getting me down a lot and I'm starting to worry that her being 'good' at potty training 70% of the time isn't enough. I don't have any friends to ask about this - maybe this is normal and something she has to go through and I need to back off, I just don't know and I'm despairing a bit!
Thanks for reading xx

[OutragedFromLeeds]

It's a tricky one.

Really you have two options.

1. Find a way to sit her on the potty. Bribery is good, 'you can watch an episode of peppa pig when you've had a good try' or 'you can have a sticker when you have a good try'. Or just don't take no for an answer and insist she sits there.
   

1. Just relax and let her make her own mistakes, she will get there in the end.
   

It may be that you've made such a fuss and given her so much praise when she does something in the potty that she worries what will happen if she sits on the potty and doesn't 'produce', so try lots of talking about how good it is to 'have a try' and how mummy always has a try before she goes in the car/to work/to the park etc.

[nickilalala]

Thank you for your advice, I think I do need to start bribing her more!! I set up a new sticker chart this morning that is if she gets ten successful toile trips she can get a new book, seemed excited about that - for a few minutes!! Or like you say maybe I should just let her make mistakes/accidents and stop asking her as it seems dangerously close to getting into a power struggle and that'll be the end of it all.
Thanks again

[landie77]

I cant offer any advise, but my little lady is exactly the same. The more I ask the less she goes. We seem to go 1 step forward and 2 steps back.
Goodluck

[bberry]

I would suggest you stop asking her if she is 70% of the way.... You are making it into a stressy issue. You just need to accept she will have some mistakes but must be responsible fir her own choices...

I had structured times when dd went to the potty, in the morning after we took her nappy off, before we got in the car (leaving house and before coming back) and before her bath - I used to sit on the toilet beside her too but don't need to now

Get yourself a potette (portable potty) to keep in the car, my dd will use it before we get in the car sometimes.... I ask and respect her yes/no reply. And I can pull over if she tells me she needs the potty and we are more than 5 mins from home

And you must be supportive and reassuring when she has mistakes.... Why would you cry? It's hard to learn new things and she is in the main doing great

Keep it simple and let her make her own choices, she is more than old enough