At what point should specialist help be requested?

[NearTheEdge]

My dd has just turned 4. Potty training has been the most horrible experience EVER. She is a bright, chatty, sociable little thing but would not stop what she was doing and go to the toilet.

Day times have been really good for the past few months and we have got down to only having to remind her a couple times a day . She will still be clutching herself, jigging around and refusing to go to the toilet! So I guess REALLY she isn't potty trained yet?

As for night times she CAN go all night but will lay in bed in the morning and wee rather than getting up and going across the gall to the toilet. We also leave both doors open. The other night
she soaked her pull up,
pjs and sheets but was laying
there smiling away when I
went to get her up. I kind of exclaimed at the vast
soakage as I went to get into
bed with her to give her a

cuddle. She then told me
not to worry as she doesn't mind it!

I'm pretty much at my wits end here as she clearly is not fazed by being wet.

We have used a sticker chart for daytimes where she gets a sticker and a jelly bean if she goes to the toilet off her

own steam as she went ages
where she would not go
without being told after she
announced she needed the
toilet.

I'm very concerned that it's gone on do long. Especially as she starts full time school in September and I'm not absolutely convinced she
will take herself to the toilet...EVER.

I really am at the end of my tether here as this seems to be dragging on for way too long. I have no clue what to try next or where to turn.

Any words of wisdom/advice would be very appreciated!

[NearTheEdge]

Sorry about all the weird spacing... On my phone and it just won't work..

[northyorksbelle]

The school thing is a worry for me to 'edge. Have you spoken to anyone at the school to find out what their strategy is?

[NearTheEdge]

I haven't spoke to the school. I see it it as my problem I guess and something that I need to sort. I feel like I've done/am doing something wrong... I just desperately want to get some idea if what to do/try next. I'm sick of the whole thing.

[northyorksbelle]

'Edge, you didn't say how long you have been training for in your original message. My boy will be starting school in September too and we have been at this PT lark for more than 18 months (almost 20 actually) so believe me when I say I feel you pain and have had the same thoughts about school. I recently went for a speedy guided walk-around his classrooms with a staffer and took the opportunity to ask the question about how accidents and the like are dealt with. Every school and setting will be different but I wouldn't worry about it.

As for feeling like you're doing something wrong I know that feeling too. I have decided that I have taken a wrong turn on the PT path somewhere but I couldn't tell you what so I have to keep going as there's no going back after this length of time. After so long I guarantee that I too have tried every conceivable knack / trick / idea etc etc that I can think of, read or have been told about and we have not yet had even 1 single entirely "dry" day. My boy and I are absolutely locked in a power struggle over this so I'm still looking for answers.

I don't think it is considered a developmental issue until they are older (around 6 I think) so as regards your original issue of specialist help I'm not sure it's available but you can always ask your HV or GP of course and any health professional worth their training will not turn away a mother with a genuine concern over her child.

[Piratejones]

There is a thread in chat by a person in a very similar situation, there's lots of good advice in there.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2098842-Please-no-judging-posts-Nappies-in-reception?pg=1

[whotheduckisalice]

Edge I am in a similar situation but with pooing. PT has been an utter nightmare with withholding, refusal to even sit on a potty etc. Really don't think it will ever sort itself out! And she never ever goes for wees of her own accord. No wee accidents but she more than makes up for that in terms of stress with pooey pants and withholding unless wearing a nappy.

Our reception have asked us to be honest with them if any problems. I haven't worked up the courage yet!

[NearTheEdge]

Northyorks.... We have been at it for over 18 months now. A bloody long time when she has breathtaking control, understands and can do everything but some buttons.

Oh yeah, and is completely not fussed with laying in her own pee.

[NearTheEdge]

I'm the same Alice.

[pancakesfortea]

My little boy was like this but it all just fell into place at around four and a quarter. He's an august birthday so that was October half term after he started school. Until then he had never done a poo in the toilet or potty - always in his pants or his bedtime nappy.

Plenty of kids have accidents in reception. It's really fine. I read on here about schools being snotty about it but ours couldn't have been nicer.

[pancakesfortea]

Ps, my ol

[pancakesfortea]

...older son potty trained in a week, aged two and a quarter. No bother at all. But people could not believe that there was just an element of luck and different personalities in it. They were convinced I must have done something differently. It's like bad sleepers, fussy eaters etc - some people are very quick to claim credit for what is really just good luck.

[whotheduckisalice]

Pancakes that has made me feel a LOT better and I hope it has Edge too. I am so hoping this will happen with DD. I agree ref luck and people's attitudes to it! DD was also impossible to put in a cot and I got all that about that too. I particularly object to the 'you're just going to have to do it' comments. Like I haven't been really trying, for almost 18 months!

[NearTheEdge]

It definitely has made me feel a lot better Pancakes!

I'm hoping that her brother (almost 2) will be easier... They are very different in that he has never been happy with a dirty nappy and she (even as a baby) would quite happily stay in the same one all day. I'm thinking that a child who doesn't mind sleeping in their own pee just to save themselves a trip to the toilet is not a good sign!

Oh yeah... In case of any doubt I ALWAYS changed her nappies regularly even if she would happily sit in her own poo all day.

I have days where I'm pretty balanced/relaxed about it and then days where it really gets me down . It has just gone on and on and on.

Thank you everyone

[whotheduckisalice]

Me too Edge. It is hard to stay 'relaxed' for eighteen months... My DD was the same about not being bothered about dirty nappies (I also did change her anyway tho!). My DS is def bothered so hoping that will help too!