Dd is holding in wee for HOURS!...worried

(15 Posts)
ellesabe Sun 23-Jun-13 14:28:46

We have had a difficult few days with 2.7yo dd. Here's how it's gone...

Thursday evening - First wee on the loo (won't sit on the potty)

Friday - Wore pants all day except nap. One accident but four wees on the loo. She was holding it in for 30 mins each time though and we used the iPad to distract her while she sat on the loo and eventually she weed.

Saturday - Another accident first thing and then we tried the loo without the iPad and it all went horribly wrong. She was desperate to wee but she sat there on the loo clutching her bits and holding it in for an HOUR until she eventually got really upset and we decided to call it a day and put her back in nappies.

Since then - She has been wearing nappies ever since and is still holding her wee in. Today she had a dry nappy until 1:30pm despite lots of drinks. She did ask to sit on the toilet which I let her for 2 mins but then she asked to get down and eventually weed in her nappy 20mins later.

Any advice? I just don't know what to do! I really dont want her to get a uti with all this holding. I suppose it's good that she has such good bladder control but how can I reassure her that it's ok to let it go? And how am I going to know when the time is right to give the pants another go?

Ok my dd did exactly the same at the same age. She is 4 1/2 now and fine so don't worry, it will happen.

The good news is she will probably be dry at night very early as she has such good bladder control. The bad news is as you know, potty training is stressful. What worked for us was me really putting no pressure on her to sit on the potty, I just put her in pants and when she looked like she needed a wee I let her know the potty was there. If she had an accident she wasn't told off, I just explained that she needed to use the potty. When she realised there was no safety net and she needed to use it she did.

It did make her a little upset and it was a tough few days but we started at the weekend so dh could be involved and we drank a bit of gin.

Good luck wine

girliefriend Sun 23-Jun-13 14:36:49

I think putting back in nappies is probably just going to confuse her more tbh.

I would have a reward chart with stickers for when ever she wees on the loo (maybe a choc button or two as well) keep it very relaxed, if she sits on the loo and doesn't go just say 'oh well, your wee doesn't want to come out yet does it' and let her go off and play.

I think the more relaxed you can make it and also keeping the pressure to wee when you think she should to a minimum is paramount.

ellesabe Sun 23-Jun-13 15:21:48

Argh this is so hard!

Of course I now realise that it was probably the wrong decision to go back to nappies but we weren't to know that she would continue to hold it in!

She was just getting so upset yesterday, we thought she obviously wasn't ready and were worried about her getting a uti.

So what should we do now? If I put her back in pants tomorrow after a day in nappies will that not just confuse her even more? If so, how long should we leave it for?

I did the same elle kept trying, then dd got hysterical and I put her back in nappies (I was also crying) and we both got too upset. I just thought I had to do it some time and stick to it, hence the gin and support.

You could wait a week to regain your composure and then try again or you could start tomorrow, I think it depends on how you're feeling. I found trying to detach myself from the emotion of the situation helpful as otherwise I would have been crying the moment she was. Most of all keep calm and stress free and it will help her a lot.

marzipananimal Sun 23-Jun-13 15:54:23

My DS is very similar. We've put him back in nappies as I'm due DC2 any day so it's not a good time. No advice I'm afraid but I'll let you know if we get a breakthrough!

valiumredhead Sun 23-Jun-13 16:07:39

Put her in pants and leave her to it. Back off completely so she isn't picking up on your anxiety and you do sound really overly anxious from your post.

She won't hold her wee for ever as she won't be able to. Don't put a nappy on again unless you want to go with pull ups.

A choc button after a potty wee usually helped in this housewink

If she gets upset, calmly say to her 'go and sit on the potty then sweet heart' and take the focus off her completely and go and concentrate on being busy elsewhere in the house. Obviously lots of praise when she goessmile

ellesabe Sun 23-Jun-13 16:21:23

I would love to do that valium but unfortunately she won't sit on the potty at all so we're restricted to the toilet which she needs help getting onto. She is quite tall and has terrible balance so finds it difficult to lower herself onto the potty without falling over!

valiumredhead Sun 23-Jun-13 17:41:01

Oh bless hergrin ds hated the potty and went straight to the loo but Dh taught him to aim and fire.

Do you have a step and child's seat on the loo?

ellesabe Sun 23-Jun-13 18:35:22

Yes we have both of those but have been using the step at the sink rather than the loo. It hadn't occurred to me that she could use it to get on the loo by herself. I'm not sure if she'd manage it...

girliefriend Sun 23-Jun-13 22:13:27

My dd wouldn't sit on a potty - she found it too uncomfortable hmm so just went straight to seat on the loo.

She did need a bit of help but always wanted privacy so I would plonk her on and then leave her to it. Would pop back every 5 mins or so to check she was o.kay.

I would put back in knickers and keep it very relaxed, look for cues that she needs the loo but otherwise don't make a big deal out of it. Does she see you going to the loo?! She needs to see its totally normal and fine.

Like I said before if she sits on and doesn't go just shrug and say oh well nevermind. If she then wets her knickers just say something like 'oh dear that wee didn't want to go in the toilet did it?'

She will in her own time get the hang of it I promise smile

MamandeRose Mon 24-Jun-13 08:11:42

We've just started this weekend too. DD often resisted going to the loo, tears, running away etc, which was very hard. For me, the opposite of leaving her to it worked, lots of attention, singing songs and chatting, and loads and loads of praise. But the crucial bit was staying calm and not giving up. I also read on another thread that blowing bubbles helps with poos a maybe worth trying for wees too? I think your daughter will pick up positive cues from you. Good luck!!

mum23girlys Mon 24-Jun-13 22:39:03

Elle I could have written this post. Just came on for advice and found this thread. My dd is also 2.7. I tried last week but she held her wee in for hours. Eventually had to put a pull up on to do school run. She is generally dry in the morning and her nappy is dry for hours throughout the day so she's definitely ready. Just won't do anything on the toilet. Same problem as your dd re the potty and she's happier just to sit on the toilet. Just won't do anything in it! My dh is home this week so going to follow some of the advice you've been given tomorrow and see how we get on from there. If we have any success I'll report back. Best of luck

valiumredhead Mon 24-Jun-13 23:23:02

I used to take ds to the loo on waking, and then before we went out, then wherever we went we went and found the loos, so he got used to all sorts of different toilets, then when we got home, before bed. Didn't matter if he didn't do anything, he just had to try. Pants at home and pull ups at night and when we were out.

It took about 2 months before I heard him get up one morning and run to the loo and wee by himself.

If I had my time again,I would probably leave him for as long as possible so he had more bladder control but he needed to be dry for 3 when he started play school. Actually his first day of play school was when he last had wet pants.

I promise you will look back on this and wonder why you ever got stressedgrin

ellesabe Tue 25-Jun-13 15:29:57

Hi mum23girlys

I went to a Triple P (stands for Positive Parenting Program) drop-in group at the children's centre for advice this afternoon and I think I have realised that I just need to go for it and not worry about her having accidents as much as I was.

If she doesn't wee on the loo and then has an accident in her pants, it doesn't matter. She will gradually learn that it's better to wee on the loo than to end up wet.

We will just have to cart around plenty of changes of clothes in the meantime grin

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