Potty training for 1.5 years and 3.11 yo STILL has accidents?!

[Buttertart]

I am really at the last tiny end of my wits' end. We started potty training my son when he was 2.5, and it's been a slow process, but seemed to improve enough over time that we kept going. We've cracked the poos, thank goodness, but he still has at least 1 or 2 wee accidents every week, often more, even 2-3 a day at times. We have tried all forms of bribery, sticker charts, ignoring, taking him regularly, leaving him to it, and occasionally get very cross with him despite our best intentions, but we seem stuck where we've been for the past 6 months at least.

He's in full-time nursery, and they're no help - they recognise that he's been potty training for a long time, but just do what we ask them to do (fair enough, I suppose). He's not that bothered by the accidents, which also annoys me. Sometimes I'll ask if he needs to go, he'll say no, then wet himself right after. Argh! He also seems to have a tiny bladder - he drinks next to nothing, but still has huge wees, and if he ever has more than half a child's cup of anything (particularly juice), he will need to do 3 or 4 huge wees at least. Not sure if this is a problem I should get checked with the gp (I loathe going to the gp to be told 'it's nothing'), as it seems rather separate from the accidents. Maybe he has poor sensation in his bladder? He has never been dry for longer than about 5 days, and is occasionally dry overnight, but we won't even consider taking his nappy off at night until he's dry in the day.

I'm worried because I haven't seen a single one of his many friends have a wee accident in a long, long time, but I'm still bringing a couple of changes of clothes every time we leave the house. To my shame, I feel embarrassed when he wets himself when we're with his friends .

Anyone experience something similar, or have any suggestions/thoughts?

[Buttertart]

[PlainoldWitchesTit]

It's not how long you've been training him for, it's whether he's ready.
I would stop worrying and accept this is him.

Most boys will have accidents and I have known a few who didn't gain bladder strength or control til they were 8,9,10 years old.
Don't be embarrassed by it. He's your son.

[Buttertart]

Thanks for replying. I guess I'd rather hear that advice on here than from the gp!

[PlainoldWitchesTit]

It's hard when you're actually going through it day to day, I know, I have 3 boys.

All I can say is that my elder two are grown now and quite capable of holding it in til they get to a toilet (most of the time!)

I thnk its more important to be relaxed about it and don't turn it into a "thing" and make sure its not an issue while he's still young. If he still has problems when he's at an age where its affecting his social life (like if he can't stay over night at friends) then there are things the GP can help with.

[Buttertart]

Wise words. I'm trying very hard not to make it into a 'thing', as you say, but some days it seems like we'll never crack it.

Onwards and upwards.

Thanks again!

[ethelb]

i'm sorry to hear this. The only thing I am a bit confused by is your claim he has a small bladder but does huge wees. How is that possible? Do you mean he might have an overactive bladder?

[Buttertart]

Not a claim - I said it 'seems' that he has a tiny bladder. I, too, am confused by how little he drinks and how much he wees. Sure, an overactive bladder is possible.

[MrsCF]

I am having similar problems with my daughter who is five in Febuary, she has damp pants at least three times a week? And over Christmas she has wet herself a few times too. I limit her drinks to water and milk and that helps alot, it is definately worse when she drinks squash or juice. We have not even considered night training yet. I am building myself up for a drs trip about it if it gets no better when she is back at school.
As with you it is affecting my decision to train my second child, he is just three and has not shown any interest at all, but pre-school would prefer him to be trained. So this week is training week for number two, yesterday we had 50% success rate, so I am hopeful.

[Watto1]

My DD is 4.2 and still has accidents most days. I'm trying so hard not to get cross but it's a struggle. The annoying thing is that I know she can do it. She had no accidents at all on a 10 day holiday in the summer. She doesn't have accidents at nursery or when we are out. It's just when we are at home. She doesn't seem to care. I'm at my wits end.

[SamSmalaidh]

Sounds like he needs to drink more? Can you do a few days of staying at home, having him drink lots (of water) and use the toilet lots?

I would also take him to the GP just to be checked out.

1 or 2 wee accidents a week sounds pretty normal to me for a 3 year old by the way.

[lorisparkle]

my older two boys still have the occasional accident and they are 6 and 4. they don't bother about accidents - far too busy! the only thing I have found to improve things is a star chart for being dry for a specific time period and exchanging the stars for a reward. talking to friends accidents are still fairly common at their age and the gp said that night time wettness is only an issue when they find it an issue - ie sleepovers etc. I agree though lots if milk and water to drink.

[jojane]

Ds1 has just turned 6
Until he was 3 he refused to consider potty training then he decided he wanted to wear pants, unfortunately 3 years later he still has regular accidents. We have tried everything, the thing that seemed to work best is a wobble watch which you set to vibrate at certain times to remind them to go to the toilet - stops the nagging and the resistance that goes with it. Specialist has suggested making him drink more to stimulate bladder and increase capacity

[Buttertart]

Hadn't thought of trying to get him to drink more. Might be worth a try, especially if I prepare myself for millions of accidents; any fewer, and I'd be chuffed!

I hate feeling so anxious with my son when we're together about reminding him to go (he invariably says no), or realising he hasn't gone for a while and trying not to madly rush him to the loo.

It's really reassuring to hear of others having similar experiences. As I said, I haven't seen a single one of his friends have a wee accident for the best part of a year, so have been feeling very alone.

Will follow him around this weekend with a cup of water and see what happens !

[fairylightsandtinsel]

signing in here too. DS is 3.5, been training for 8 months and still has wee accidents 4/5 times a week at least, and has only pooed in the potty or toilet about 4 times. DD is 20 months and seems really switched on, knows what the potty is etc and people keep telling me to try her, but I can't face doing two of them at the same time. hearing that others are in the same boat is reassuring, as it does feel like everyone else's 3 yo has got it . His pre-school are very good about it and have kids in anppies so there's no pressure, but he's August born so going to school in Sept and I'm worried he still won't be sorted!

[Fresh01]

Do you make them help sort out accidents? It took DD2 nearly 9 months to stop having accidents and it took making her help deal with them to make it more of an inconvenience for her to have an accident than go to the toilet. She was over 3 when I got her to help. She had to take off her wet pants, legging, socks etc and put in laundry basket - I helped when they got stuck as they were wet. She then lifted dry pants etc off bench on utility room and mainly put on herself. Then I got her to get me the kitchen roll to mop up accident. I then wiped up paddle and cleaned floor but she had to stage and help/watch rather than go straight back to playing.

I was always involved but I stopped doing everything. The accidents quickly reduced in frequency then stopped.

Fairylights, don't hold back your DD if she is showing signs and keen. You may find younger sibling using potty may encourage older one. I have just taken almost 3 year old DS out of night nappies as he is generally dry at night. DD2 is 5 and still wet overnight. I haven't made a big deal of it just told her get body isn't ready but she has had more dry nights in last 2 weeks since DS lost his night nappies than in recent months.

[andzippytoo]

Just thought I'd lend my support....... I could have started this exact same thread;I am having the identical experience, except my son is 4 and 3 months. I swing from being sympathetic calm and controlled to losing my rag at him out of frustration. The more I read and hear though the more I am convinced that we just have to weather this out until our child is ready- they are all different, and it just seems that some find it much harder than others to get full control. I do wish he would look more bothered about it though!
I'm going to try getting him to drink more during the day though, as suggested by some mumsnetters- that makes sense as he doesn't currently drink enough in my opinion. Have you tried that & did it have any success?

[allibaba]

So glad I've seen this thread! I've been perusing this board for the first time today looking for inspiration or at the very least soime comfort!

My DS1 is 2.11, we've been trying on and off for two months. I realise its very early days and I try for a few days with him and then stop for a few more weeks til he might be a bit more ready but am worried that we will still be in this position in 12 months time.

Why do they not come with manuals? Why is there no potty training fairy godmother who can wave a magic wand and just make them know what to do? And why I am constantly faced with a barage of smug mothers telling their PFBs have been potty trained since popping out of the womb virtually?!