Advice Please! Problems with poo!

[Lollies]

My DS (4 next month) has been dry during the day for 4 months.

Pees are not a problem. but he absolutely refuses to poo on the toilet. We have tried sweets and bribes, but he is just so stubborn!! I'm really desperate for a solution.

I've not resorted to putting him back in pull ups/nappies during the day. He just poos in his pants. Some days he will hold on until bedtime, but more often than not he just does it in his pants. He won't tell us when he has done a poo either!!

I suppose the good thing is that he is not holding on for days on end and becoming constipated.

He starts nursery in a couple of weeks.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated?!

[hoppybird]

Hello Lollies

You are not alone! I'm having a similar problem with my dd. Long story, unfortunately, but it shows how her stubborn character reflects on the entire potty training process.

She just turned 4 in August, potty training started at age 2.6 (Easter last year) as she was dry at night. After a completely exasperating period of holding onto wees for record lengths of time and then wetting herself, she eventually gave in and started using the potty for wees in October last year, with a little help from nursery, which began when she turned 3. However, she then remained clean and dry at nursery but the whole of her time there, didn't use the toilet once during her morning nursery sessions.

During all this time, she continued pooing her pants, usually at a set time during the day, and they tell me that she needed to be changed. You'd think sorting this out would be a doddle, but no. Like your little boy, she wouldn't say she needed to go, would not be persuaded to sit, bribery didn't work, I just had to keep on changing and washing pooey pants.

Fast forward (or rather, painfully slowly forward) to Easter this year, when she decided that she didn't want to poo at all, and started holding it in, resulting in skidding on pants, sore bottom, more witholding vicious circle. However, by the beginning of summer (age 3.6), she had begun to understand bribery, so when she had dirtied her pants, I cleaned her up and left her (bottomless) in the bathroom, playing with a sinkful of warm water and floaty toys, and the warm water on her hands would relax her enough, that she would actually go herself on the potty, and get a potty prize as a result. She would be very proud and managed to stay clean and dry for about a month and a half as a result. still would never admit she needed the toilet, we would always have to look for cues, but I thought I'd work on that over summer.

Then we went on holiday mid-July. She was ok for the first week and a half, using various toilets happily, but then she started witholding again, so I just bought a packful of sanitary pads to cope with the skids, and managed to get through the holiday with my sanity reasonably intact, but bothered that I had to keep putting her in a warm bath to help her to 'go' after a couple of days witholding.

Anyway. She starts big school on Monday, is is still witholding, and I am becoming very, very nervous. Have seen the GP about this, has said that she'd refer to a paediatrician, still waiting for that.

However, in the meantime, I found this useful article and I shall be following the advice.

Everyone says "Oh don't worry, she'll be ok at school" but they don't know the half of it. I feel like a failure as a parent because she's going to school not potty trained properly. btw, I have an older son who was textbook in that regard, so I'm not a complete novice.

As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. That is certainly true with regards to all aspects of my dd's potty training!

[hoppybird]

*"they tell me that she needed to be changed" = then telling me that she needed to be changed

[hoppybird]

There is also another thread here with similar problems and some success stories, which may or may not match your experience.

[Lollies]

Hi Hoppybird

Thanks for replying. It's good to know I'm not the only one with this problem!

I totally understand when you say you feel like a failure. My son starts nursery in a couple of weeks, and I feel like I'm letting him down by not having him potty trained.

Everyone says "it will be alright", but that doesn't stop me from stressing!!

My nephew had a similar problem to your little girl. He was referred to a paediatrican. The gave him Movocol which instantly worked. In the long term, they decided to change his diet. This has really helped. He still doesn't poo every day, but is no longer constipated and in pain.

As my son is just so stubborn, I know no amount of talking or bribing will change his mind, I'm just going to have to let him do it in his own time! It will be hard, but fingers crossed, once he goes no nursery, he will want to be like all the other girls and boys.

Some of the other threads on here, have given me a glimmer of hope.

Hope all works out for you. :)

[Dione]

I am having a similar problem with DS who is 3.5. He's more than happy to pee but refuses to poo without a nappy (he's not yet dry at night). He says that he wants to go, but refuses to go on the toilet or potty. He was ok at first and then he wasn't. Waited some months and got him going on the toilet again but after our holiday he has gone back to holding it in if he is not wearing a nappy. Tried bribery rewards but it's just not working. Perhaps I should be tougher and not give in (I don't normally give in until day 2), but it is distressing to see him in so much distress.

Will read the links above. Thanks for posting, I thought I was the only one.[:)]

[Peelay]

My DS sounds terribly similar. He has been potty training for a month and is pretty good. Only the occasional accident when it comes to pees. When it comes to poo it's another story.

His preferred method is to stand on a stool and aim for pee (and he's a pretty good aim too). But he absolutely refuses to sit on the potty or the potty seat we have for the toilet. He would rather poo in his pants. Now for the trickier part! He is absolutely fascinated with his poo. As soon as he finishes, he takes down his pants and just wants a good long look. Of course the resulting mess is horrendous and the clean up process takes a lot, lot longer. He refuses any help at all and will stand at the door to the bathroom blockading it with his own weight or whatever he can drag in front of the door. Much negotiation ensues, but inevitably, lots of poo heads floorward.

I have tried everything from coercion to bribery to try to get him to 1) tell me when he's going 2) accept my help and 3) use the potty seat, but it's all fallen on deaf ears.

He used to go regularly once a day when in nappies and would readily tell me when the event was occurring. Now he goes every two days and is clearly uncomfortable. I don't want to keep pressuring him inn case he withholds for longer but I am at the end of my rope and out of ideas as to how to resolve this. Any ideas??? Hoppybird thanks for posting the link to the other thread and article. I hope they might help too.

[spiderlight]

I know this is ny answer to everything poo-related, but the Poo Goes Home to Pooland story worked an overnight miracle for us after five months of stalemate.

[Peelay]

Will get it now, spiderlight. After another morning of clearing up I'm at the end of my tether. Very difficult to keep from being noticeably cross! Poor thing was obviously trying to hold it in this time and it was awful to see. Will try anything now.

[Dinora]

Hi moms, I thought I am the only one who thinks: I am the failure as a parent and I am letting down my daughter (3.5 y.o.) by not getting potty trained completely before nursery". You have written everything exactly what is happening to us. The only worst thing is neither rewards nor bribes are not working with us. There is no problem with pee in a potty, but poo is done in a nappy still. Without nappy she keeps her poo, and gets constipated. We have a history of constipation, my dd was on Movicol 1,5 years since she was 8 mths. So, you can imagine how scared I am of it. God forbid she gets constipated again. So I put nappy on every morning and afternoon, she does poo and happy. As for me I am waiting and thinking and hoping that my precious daughter taking her time, she will start herself doing poo in a potty/toilet, and am afraid of forcing her. Funny (or maybe unusual) thing is, my daughter does poo standing!!!, not sitting. Her "poo pose" is she stands up, bends her body slightly forward and does poo. Few times I put her on a potty straight away when she was on that pose, but it didn't work either: poo gone away, she didn't/couldn't do it because of interruption, next day no poo again, and as a result of it - constipation. So I stopped doing that either. So what can I do, we need to start nursery at the end of September, and I still could not potty trained my daughter. Sorry for mistakes in my English.