Preeclampsia/HELLP. Babies 1 st birthday and im feeling down

[34PinkLadyApple]

My beautiful daughter will be 1 next week but im incredibly sad thinking about her birthday.

Heres what happened. I developed high blood pressure at 28 weeks (spotted as I got vision problems, flashy lights). I was put on medication for that and monitored twice a week until 33 weeks when they found protein my urine and some issues with my liver when I had a blood test. They want to keep me in over night but I felt fine and looked fine so they sent me home and I was to collect my urine for the next 24hrs in a massive container. I woke up the following morning with heartburny type pains at around 3. It got worse and worse to the point i was going to faint so I woke hubby up and he took me straight to prenatal assessment. My blood pressure was 215/110 and i was in a lot of pain (they call it Epigastric pain and it's within your lower rib cage). They couldn't treat the pain until they stablised my BP and this went on for hours using tablets and drips. all the while they were monitoring baby. when i was stable and pain was under control they said they will need to deliver baby to save both of us so i had a steriod injection for it's lungs (and was due another in 12 hours). They sent hubby home to pack me a bag as I was going to be induced after that 2nd injection. Whilst he was home my BP dropped and the baby went into shock and the heartr rate dropped to below 70 for 4-5 mins. they said they need to do an emergancy c-sec NOW. I had a spinal block and she was born at 13.47 that day. Hubby wasnt there until afterwards. I was very ill for the next 2 days and my 3lb 9oz baby was in Neonatal. I saw her face briefly when they took her out of me but didn't see her properly until 2 days later as they could take my bed to her. I can't help thinking about how scared I was for us as a family. Hubby could have been left with one or neither of us. Reading up on HELLP syndrome was a bad idea as I didn't realise just how close i came to death. My liver and kidney test results were so low to piont they were shutting down. Has anyone else got through the first 11 month 'ok' and then crumbled?!! I cry about it whenever I think about it lately and I an worried I will be a mess on her birthday, poor thing.

[BucketsnSpades]

I had severe pre eclampsia at 35 weeks, for us it was a huge shock, i felt unwell but i had no idea how close to death both me and DS were, I went for a routine maternity appointment and was sent to hospital in an ambulance. DS was delivered by csection a few hours later and like you i was too ill to see him to begin with. During those first days my mind played some weird tricks on me and i found bonding with DS very hard.

He will soon turn 5 and each year his birthday is bittersweet, i am happy to see him so joyful and excited, then I haul up all those memories of his birth and i have those moments when i just seem to need to think it all through again and come to terms with it afresh.

Despite this I went on to have another, whose birth although complicated and csection, was far safer. Try to think about the positives, both you and your baby were strong and you survived. Your body is amazing that when faced with organ failure not only did you survive, but you brought your baby through it too and then went on to nurture and love that baby. Be proud.